2024-02-04 15:00:10
Fear of commitment is something that becomes evident over time, but there are also some early signs that can alert you. We analyze them and investigate their causes.
Last update: February 4, 2024
If you are in a romantic relationship and have been dating for a while, it is normal to want to take things a step further. That “step” can have many names, such as traveling as a couple, planning a marriage, or starting a family. And to propose this change, you should know if your partner is afraid of commitment.
This fear can manifest differently in each person.. But, in general, there are a series of behaviors that can help you find the truth. Do you want to know what they are? Here we indicate the most common signs of someone with a fear of commitment, as well as why it occurs and tips for dealing with it.
How to know if your partner is afraid of commitment?: Identify the signs
The fear of commitment can cause a lot of damage in a relationship, since if your partner possesses it and you pressure them to move forward, you can get the opposite result: they distance themselves and end up in a breakup that neither party wants.
Therefore, the first thing you should do is know if your partner is afraid of commitment, and You will achieve this by observing their actions.. As a guide, we leave you with some ideas.
1. You extremely value your independence
Independence and autonomy are positive qualities in most cases, but if your boyfriend or girlfriend is afraid of commitment, it is very likely that they will take it to the extreme. This is related to the feeling of loss of freedombecause your partner may feel that the commitment will affect their self-determination to make personal plans, meet with friends, among others.
In view of this, this sign can manifest itself in the following way:
- He doesn’t answer your calls or messages for days.
- Your personal plans are always a priority over your couple’s plans.
- He feels uncomfortable about financial investments you make for the relationship.
- It shows a determination not to want to live together in the short, medium and even long term.
- Prevent your inner circle from knowing that you have a relationship with you, such as by not including them when doing social activities.
2. Avoid talking about the future
Have you brought up the topic of traveling together on an upcoming vacation and he or she avoids the topic? This is one of the most common signs to know if your partner is afraid of commitment. Talking about what is to come causes fear in these people: It implies that you will be in their life for the long term and that is synonymous with something formal.
3. Limit time together
This sign occurs when your boy or girl has already realized that what he or she has with you has gone from casual to serious, so he or she begins to separate from you. Because of his fear of commitment, he gives you excuses, such as that he is too busy to come see you or that he came home from work very tired and that’s why he didn’t call you. Thus, you “cool down” the relationship and stay in your comfort zone..
4. It is not expressed
Communication is vital in any relationship, because Talking about thoughts, fears and emotions with your partner helps strengthen the bond. But someone with a commitment phobia will not want to open up to you, because he is afraid of appearing vulnerable and “weak.” That idea makes him feel very uncomfortable, so he chooses not to establish a fluid dialogue about emotions and feelings.
5. He is negative about the relationship
A sign of fear of commitment in men and women is focusing on the weak points of being in a relationship. For example, they are pessimistic and have the idea that the relationship is going badly and you want to end it, when that is not the case.
It is also common that pay more attention to the things they lose by being with you, such as their free time and going out with friends, instead of the positive things that couple relationships have, such as support or love. It is not uncommon for them to engage in self-sabotage in the relationship.
6. He only focuses on his goals
The fact that your better half has personal goals that he wants to achieve is not a bad thing. The alarm signal occurs when you leave the relationship relegated to the backgroundmaking you understand that it is not that important to him or her.
This is a characteristic of people with a fear of commitment: being narcissistic and prioritizing themselves, without taking into account the emotions of the other. If when they think about the medium and long term you are not in the equation, then you are not part of their objectives.
7. He does not give a name to his nexus
Has it happened to you that, on an outing with friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend does not introduce you as his or her partner and gives vague answers when asked what they are? If so, you may suffer from this fear.
Giving yourself a name or label with your friends, acquaintances and family implies that your relationship is more formal.something he is not willing to face.
8. Run away when things get serious
It is no secret to anyone that the stage of falling in love in relationships is very special, since everything is new and you perceive that feeling of “happiness” in the air. But as time goes by you seek to bond with him or her and get to know him or her in depth.
If you are afraid of commitment, you will shy away from sharing more of yourself.. When the relationship reaches a point of evolution, he will back down and want to get out of it.
9. It tells you that they have different speeds
Suppose you have been dating your partner for months or years and you think it is a good time to start living together, but when you convey the idea to your boyfriend or girlfriend he or she tells you that you are going too fast and seems nervous or evasive.
The situation we just described to you is a response from someone afraid of commitment. This step towards greater intimacy in the couple can be associated with a loss of freedom..
10. “I don’t want to hurt you”
If he or she tells you “I don’t want to hurt you” during an argument and tries to escape, it’s another sign to know if your partner is afraid of commitment. This phrase It is an excuse that the fearful person uses to try to justify themselves and walk away, so they will not continue with what they were discussing.. Sometimes, it is a resource that is used when talking about the future of the relationship.
What causes the fear of commitment?
The fear of a serious and stable relationship can have many causes, so many that it is impossible to compile them all. In general, fear of commitment can respond to the following factors:
- Negative experiences in past relationships: Previous experiences, where there was harm or abuse, can make your partner feel unsafe to fully open up to you and move forward in the relationship.
- Personal insecurities: An insecure person does not feel confident and sees dangers everywhere, even if in reality there are none. It is logical that someone with insecurities does not want to advance much with you, because he is afraid of getting hurt and things going wrong.
- Fear of disappointment and deception: it is likely that your boyfriend or girlfriend does not want to commit because he or she is afraid of situations that can occur when starting a relationship, such as failing and not meeting expectations, as well as being deceived and suffer for it.
- Fear of growing up: If your partner is very protected by his parents and feels like a fish in water in that role, he is probably afraid to commit to you. Growing up involves assuming greater responsibilities, and in couples it is related to mutual support, taking care of each other and taking control.
- Troubled childhood: If your partner comes from a home where he or she felt abandoned, it is likely that this has left a scar on him or her and makes him or her afraid to trust and commit to you. She could also cause fear of marriage, if the relationship between her parents was toxic.
Of course, There is also the possibility that he does not see in you the ideal partner to form a long-term relationship.. In that case, talking about it is a priority; especially, if you have planned a common life project in your mind.
Communication: key to overcoming the fear of commitment in men and women
Now that you know the signs to know if your partner is afraid of commitment, you may be wondering what to do and if this has a solution. The answer is yes: The fear of committing can be overcome and the first step to do so is assertive communication with your partner..
Promote conversations in a calm and positive environment, where he or she feels safe and can show you his or her deep emotions and feelings. Remember that they must always be sincere about what they feel and aspire to, since lies affect trust.
Likewise, if your better half feels that this fear is overwhelming him, suggest that he seek professional help. You can even do a therapy session together and strengthen your relationship.. If he points out that the fear of commitment is nothing more than the certainty of not finding a life partner in you, then you should have an honest conversation about the future of the relationship.
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