Although the most obvious responses might be considered to be pleasure and reproduction, erotic encounters often come with many more motivations. This is because a sexual relationship is not simply an act that involves the two people involved, but is influenced by a whole sociocultural context. In these lines, Rocío Moñino and Ángela Mauri, Vive sexologists, explain what happens in our body and brain so that people are prone to wanting to carry out this practice.
As highlighted by Vive: «There are many investigations and theories developed by the main experts that try to answer this question, which seek to gather the characteristics and events that, in general terms, occur in all human beings. Although the truth is that each person is unique and lives their sexuality and practices differently.
Ángela Mauri and Rocío Moñino, VIVE sexologists
Monino emphasizes, first, in the demystification of the erotic encounter with a final vision, that is, an encounter with the purpose of reaching orgasm and the immediate reward for the people involved. For this reason, he launches a first question for reflection: is the sexual encounter something more than a means to reach orgasm? «Sexual practice is influenced by three different processes that are interconnected with each other. First of all, we delve into the physical part. The processes that are generated in our nervous system and the substances that are released in the brain take place in our body”, he explains.
The specialists comment on how in all phases of the human sexual response different hormones are released, although it is in the orgasm phase that they are generated with greater intensity. These hormones are serotonin and prolactin (cause relaxation in the person), norepinephrine (produces vitality and a feeling of energy), oxytocin (generates emotional bond and love) and dopamine (causes a feeling of pleasure).
According to Mauri, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are also involved in the sexual encounter, which are autonomous systems that all people have within their peripheral nervous system. «These two systems are activated through relaxation (parasympathetic) and alertness (sympathetic), within the erotic encounter either with another person or with yourself. In order for the person to enjoy the encounter, they must be relaxed so that the appropriate system is activated that allows them to let themselves go. However, on many occasions what happens is that the alert is activated by our fears, complexes, expectations with the other, and a long etcetera. This may be the cause of some of the sexual dysfunctions.”
In addition, people physiologically experience many symptoms that will inform their phases of desire, arousal and orgasm. For example: sweating, activation of the heart rate, pupil dilation, erection of the penis and clitoris, etc.
In second place, Mauri points to the skin as a means of interconnection between the physiological and psychological. «Quoting Manuel Lucas, a doctor specialized in sexology, who investigates in his book ‘Thirst for skin’ how human skin is the thinnest of all mammals and with less hair. This makes touching between humans become something more intense than feeling in the way of sexual encounter. And I am not referring to the aesthetics of the person, nor their appearance, nor their style of dressing or acting, but the largest sexual organ of the human being, the skin ».
In third placeAt the psychological level, three essential pillars will be touched on, such as love, relationships with the couple and self-esteem.
«Love is a subjective emotion and concept, barely measurable qualitatively or quantitatively. What does seem clearer is that it is a search engine for contact, fusion and proximity according to Sternberg. Therefore, sexual practice becomes a way of demonstrating this feeling to the other person, since it entails a high degree of emotional intimacy. Sex can act as a carrier of care for your partner, through stimulation, caresses, tenderness…”, explains Moñino.
Other reasons that explain sexual encounters are:
– Sex to have approval and affirmation: a feeling of security is produced, reaffirmed through the implicit and explicit approval of the erotic experience.
– Sex as a resource for reduce stress: physical proximity to the attachment figure reduces fear, pain, etc. That contact gives rise to tranquility and calm.
– Sex like assertion of power: feeling of power that is exercised over the other person, in this case the erotic encounter is given by this motivation.
We must take into account self-esteem, which directly influences the erotic encounter. Sometimes it happens that people have low self-esteem, but by feeling wanted by another person they improve their perception of themselves, both physically and personally. Thinking that there is another person who likes us enough to want to sleep with us makes us look more handsome, more interesting, more intelligent… If, in addition, the meeting goes well and we receive compliments from our partner, we will feel valid, good at something. It is also a way to become a winner (especially among the male population), since the number of conquests makes you someone admired and envied by your peers.
«The erotic encounter can help increase this self-esteem if it goes well, but it can also lower it if it goes wrong or not as expected in our ideal. This means that the best thing to do is to work on this part of us to reach the sexual encounter from a more constructive approach. It is achieved with personal work, in which self-respect, the image you have of yourself, self-acceptance and self-knowledge are basic. At Vive, we work from the base with the person who comes to the online store, providing sexual education and guiding the client according to their specific needs. In this way, we help the person reflect on himself and have a greater knowledge about his sexuality. In this aspect, erotic toys or cosmetics are proposed at different levels according to their experience and priorities, “says Moñino.