You ask, our man for love answers. This time: How can a couple prepare for the end of life and the time after?
Together even after death, but how?Albrecht Weißer/imago
Helga, 82: Dear Mr. Lenné, my husband and I are at an age when we are forced to think about death on a regular basis – even if we are both still quite fit at the moment. But that is precisely why I would like to clarify an important question now, namely where we want to find our final resting place at some point. I don’t like the idea of coffins and cemeteries, I would like to be cremated and scattered, back to the atmosphere from which we came before our lives. My husband wants us to be buried next to each other in graves. There is probably no compromise. What would you advise us?
Dear Helga, that’s a question that also seems to be rooted in the spiritual and religious. It’s about wanting to be connected forever. This seems to magically spread beyond the visible and tangible realm of life. However, whether we can still perceive something “over there” is more of a question of faith. I like to think for myself that there is a kind of big marquee where I meet everyone who is important to me and where we can discuss and celebrate everything that is still open. However, what will happen to us afterwards, when this party is over, remains in the dark for me. Every religion has its own answer. But as I said, it remains a belief – it does not become knowledge. Maybe someday it’s good with everything?
How do you want to stay connected after death?
We raised our children, accompanied our grandchildren. Loved, doubted, helped, sometimes failed. We fought all the small and big battles and with a bit of luck we aged together with our loved ones. Now death is in sight and the old earthly fear of being abandoned and possibly separated forever by the nature of the burial comes to the fore.
A “final difference” emerges between the two of you. My suggestion is: Talk to each other about “over there”. Maybe you can arrange to visit each other? Talk to each other about your differences. How are you dealing with it so far? Talk about your depth and all the things you’ve experienced together. Everything that connects you in your inevitable otherness and at the same time makes you a single inseparable being. Talk to each other about how you want to stay connected after death.