A public figure should not be nice to the public. It is enough to make animal noises to be the new star of all the evening shows. Ask Almog Cohen.
It happens once in a while on the screen appears the reaction/announcement/statement of a member of Knesset that you didn’t even know existed, let’s say MK Ariel Peretz Biton of Shas, or Zvi Perishvansky Binstock Mish Atid (maybe there are some, you know), regarding The hot topic at the moment. Unbeknownst to us, they live a great life, these unknowns. Hanging around the Knesset in droves, getting fat at our expense, and with the fall of the government and following the next elections, they pass like a fleeting shadow in the fields without us knowing anything about them.
They would certainly like, these invisible Dunedins, to stay for more and more terms – after all, who would say no to a monthly salary of NIS 50,000, an attached car, an office, helpers, etc., free benefits, but most of them are still young in the shelter, infants, do not understand the game They don’t know that there are methods to stay there for many more years. And so, with great sadness, they pack up their bags and return with tears and sorrow to the real world.
Those who do understand the method know that it is not too complicated. All in all, a member of the Knesset has two main tools to survive many years in the parliamentary grease barrel: butt-licking and screaming. Dodi Amsalem is the best master in the Knesset of the method. There is no better roar than him in the Knesset. I served with Amsalem for many years in the reserves. He was not regarded in the company as someone who would crack the atom, but there was never anything in his behavior that hinted at the future. He adopted the roaring method for himself only many years later, when he reached the Israeli Knesset.
Personally, I believe that if there is a God in heaven, he will in due time reckon with Amsalam, at least for the evil use of his sectarian system, but in the meantime, on earth, Amsalam is thriving. Without doing great favors to the weak, without passing bills benevolent to the needy, just to roar, to take a picture with Harima on Friday, to give kisses to the graves of tzaddikim and whoop: Dodi is in fourth place on the Likud list. With my uncle in Mahane Yehuda, with a Cartier on his arm, with a Toyota Land Cruiser for NIS 450,000 that a minister gets even if he really has nothing to do, and all of this is just speculation.
And Islam is not alone. Now he has a successor. And another heir. what a talent Vipi the crystal. and the charisma. And the wealth of language – what is one language? Two tongues, and the tongue is still slanted. The hall is darkened, Hess descends on the masses, and then the announcer announces in a piercing voice to the sky: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome him – Allelmoggg Cohen!
How talented he is, this coral. Who would have known who Almog Cohen was? Who would even notice on the street the presence of the tuft hidden under that tangled hair cap? If he had addressed someone with a simple question, surely someone would have answered him, come on boy, get out of here.
But Cohen is wiser than all of them. With dizzying speed he caught the method from the master and even faster included it. Unlike his teacher, he was not fond of advanced technology products such as Mercedes and Rolex. Cohen immediately returned to the sources. He went straight to the chicken coop and the pasture. He called her a hen, and addressed her with “bara-bara” and “chachach”, which are known to be used to speed up the flock. And he also proved that he is not towering over the street, when he addressed the member of the Knesset on the podium with the slang words “come on, come on, get out of here”.
And so, all of a sudden, the new Almog went straight to the first place in the hymns. All the televisions competed for the services of the newborn star. Instead of reporting in a dry summary on the repulsive event, Almog Cohen got to appear on all the programs in the afternoon and evening. His name is remembered in every house in Israel. I wasn’t there, but I bet there were more applause in the neighborhood when he came home than boos. Even the master Amsalem had to stretch his muscles in order not to be left out of the competition, and when this week Hanan Yuval refused to appear in front of the rude people as his speech in the Knesset, Amsalem declared with a majority of copywriting: Who is Hanan Yuval, give me Kobi Peretz.
And Almog Cohen is now considered the one who did it. He can sit back with satisfaction as a new parliamentary star. Reporters will follow the origin of his mouth. Cameras will ambush him in the tabernacle. He can give up parliamentary activity. Three more terms are already guaranteed to him in advance. He can already call the lady to tell her that she can buy the new buffet they saw on Saturday at the mall at the BILO intersection. That’s how it is with us. A man opens a Jura, and here he is already set for life.
To watch or to give up: why watch the Knesset broadcasts on TV, if you can go straight to the garbage can room?