There are people for whom Purim is neither happy nor funny. When it comes to mental distress, every Purim day. Most of us wear a mask, masters at hiding. At the same time, each of us can help those around us and we all have a role to play. This Purim, I invite you to look around, point the antennas and just listen.
Signs that may indicate emotional distress
1) Fluctuations in mood (a lot of crying, angry outbursts or alternatively sadness and withdrawal).
2) Verbal statements that reflect pessimism, despair, helplessness or low self-esteem (I’m a failure, I’m not capable).
3) Avoiding relationships and absence from social gatherings, changing leisure habits.
4) Decreased functioning: absence from studies/workplace, poor academic achievements/low productivity in the field of employment.
5) Complaints about a general feeling of being unwell and reported feelings of pain.
6) Stress and anxiety (an ominous feeling of distress, difficulty leaving the house or sleeping alone).
7) Problems around eating (lack of appetite, avoiding eating or compulsive eating).
8) Sleep difficulties (difficulty falling asleep, exhaustion, persistent fatigue or excessive sleep).
The signs of distress must be examined, according to three indicators: intensity, duration and frequency as well as the number of signs.
In general, to the extent that the behavior is perceived as different from the usual and when the changes are expressed in different places and contexts (for example both at home and at work or in society), we must show a change of sensitivity. The longer it is a change in behavior and the more the person expresses a feeling of less ability to deal with the situation – we will estimate the intensity of the distress as higher.
How to respond correctly: 10 principles of mental first aid
1) listen to the person and his feelings without judgment and criticism and tell him that he is not alone and that you stand by his side.
2) Keep an eye on Cool and avoid excessive emotional reactions and manifestations of anxiety.
3) allowed For a person to tell about significant events and people in his life according to his will and at his own pace. The very act of talking and emotional venting can moderate and lower the level of distress.
4) Strengthen a sense of competence. Help a person to identify coping strengths and external sources of support, to strengthen trust and confidence in his skills and ability to deal with difficulties.
5) Convey a regulating and calming message Everyone faces emotional distress at different times in their lives. Crises and stressful life events are temporary and can be successfully dealt with. By creating an expectation of benefit and giving legitimacy to the feelings that the person experiences, it is possible to mobilize forces to deal with and promote change. It is important to help the person understand that he is not unusual in his suffering, that changes and traumatic life events require a period of adaptation and that the feeling will improve later.
6) Establish healthy and open communication with the person and encourage him to turn to you whenever he feels threatened, stressed or anxious.
7) Use him as a positive model for resilience and coping. Sharing the difficulties and dealing with them as a routine will contribute to normalizing the person’s difficult feelings and to a more realistic and healthy perception of the situation.
8) Encourage the person to engage in activities meaningful which he enjoyed in the past, including listening to music, creative, cultural, social or physical activity. Avoid expressions of disappointment. If the person rejects your proposal, prematurely making too many demands can hurt more than the friend.
9) Don’t stay alone. It is not easy to watch people dear to us suffer and hurt. Also recruit support circles for yourself and share your feelings with significant others, so that you can be available to the person without neglecting your needs.
10) Encourage the person to contact when necessary for advice of a person regarding professional treatment that meets his needs.
Need support? Call 1201 24/7 or go to the ERAN website https://www.eran.org.il/ for online assistance. You are not alone – we are here for you. The service is anonymous and discreet!
Dr. Shiri Daniels is the national professional director of the Aran association and the author of the books ‘The power of listening – how to help those around you in times of emotional distress and crisis’ and ‘Analog pain in a digital age’, published by Matar.