The “I will not do it well” are those capable, prepared and talented women who, if they could choose a superpower, would choose invisibility. They doubt their knowledge and become their worst enemies, victims of hesitation. Emma Vallespinos, journalist interested in literature, motherhood, mental health and feminism; guts the impostor syndrome in ‘I won’t do it right’, his first book. An essay that arises from the need to respond to the insecurity of so many women and that, without trying to sell itself as self-help, offers a good dose of rage and launches a poisoned dart against the usual enemy: the patriarchy.
-As feministHow did you experience working women’s day this year?
-The truth is that this year there has been a lot of political noise around 8M, but we cannot let this overshadow what is important, which is to be there and continue to claim. The feminism in which I believe does not marginalize anyone or ask for birth certificates, it brings together all women. However, I realize that we, as a movement, are always asked to set an example when, in reality, it is logical that discrepancies arise and that not all of us agree. That does not diminish our credibility or strength. We cannot exercise an exemplary and seamless feminism, but it is something that is demanded of us more than of any other group.
-You dedicate a large part of the book to the impostor syndrome. What does it consist of?
-It was first described in 1978 by two American clinical psychologists, Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes. And although at first they baptized it as impostor syndrome, later it began to be designated in the feminine when it was discovered that women suffered from it with greater frequency and intensity. His investigations showed how objectively brilliant women with exemplary careers doubted their own achievements and took no credit for it, justifying everything with flukes or coincidences. The impostor syndrome is structural, we have learned to distrust ourselves. I usually call it “I won’t do it well” because it manifests as an internal voice and makes you constantly doubt your ability.
-You yourself suffer from it, how did you feel when you saw that it was not an exclusive defect of yours but a more collective problem?
-It was liberating. Naming things and knowing that they exist beyond you makes you feel accompanied. As a result of the publication of the book, I have connected with many readers who have confirmed that they experience it in a similar way. It happens to young women who are starting out in the world of work and also to veterans with positions of great responsibility. It opens my eyes to know that it happens to many of us, that it is not my fault and that it is not my fault.
– Does the lack of representation at a social and cultural level influence this?
-Everything has to do with the public sphere and places where we have not traditionally been. What we are taught in the media, cultural productions, public office… is what we normalize. And if we are not, unconsciously, you end up absorbing the idea that we do not exist. Years ago in television talk shows, for example, there were no female collaborators and it seemed normal to us that their opinion was not included. In fiction they didn’t matter either, they used to have a minor story and were saved by the male hero. The less representation, the more insecurity, that is why we should all be able to be protagonists and, when we are, that they are not considered to be products only for women, that our stories, our experiences and our thoughts be universalized as those of women have been generalized for so many years. the men.
-Representation is important, but many times insecurity itself is what prevents women from showing themselves in public and being that example that helps to break the impostor syndrome in others. How do you get out of the vicious circle?
-Once from a production company they told me: “if we invite her but they don’t want to come, the result is the same, there are no women on the screen.” And in the end I think that the only way is to say yes to all that you really want to do, but insecurity makes you rethink. There are things I do now that I wouldn’t have dreamed of five years ago because that crippling little voice inside wouldn’t have let me. You don’t have to wait for courage, because it doesn’t come alone, it’s a matter of imposing yourself, despite nervousness and discomfort. This is the only way to fight the frustration caused by missing out on opportunities you deserve just because you don’t dare to take them, and it’s not fair to you.
-What is the reason why women suffer from this syndrome more frequently than men?
-It happens to them too, but if they suffer from impostor syndrome it is more because of a personality issue and their own insecurity. In our case, on the other hand, it is something we have learned. The reality is that everyone tends to trust a man’s abilities, while validity is never assumed for us and we have to fight to prove it, day by day. The best school to learn to doubt ourselves, the Harvard of insecurity, is patriarchy. Since we were little we have not felt like the expert voices or the protagonists. We grew up believing that this was not our role. They Yes. It is expected that if they make an effort, work and are good at what they do, they will go far, but no one told us that part of the story.
-How is this connected to “mansplaining”?
-Nobody has ever questioned them and it shows even in how they speak, in how they express themselves or in how they are always the first to give their opinion when a topic of debate arises. The “mansplaining” is that attitude of some men who, without asking, explain things to us from condescension and paternalism. It translates into not letting us talk, interrupting or explaining things that we understand and they have no idea.
How should we react to these situations?
-I think we have to make them notice because some do it without realizing it, they have it so normalized that they are not aware of it. In fact, I have also spoken with men who have read this book and who have told me that they have identified with certain parts but without them thinking that they acted in a bad way or that their actions were unwelcome. There are those who do it in a bad mood but some are also willing to pay more attention to it and to stop having certain harmful attitudes. We have to tell him.
-In fact, you do not blame men, but a common enemy called patriarchy.
-Yes, and we have to get angry with the patriarchy, with the unfair world in which we have grown up and in which women have made us be the footnote. For me, anger is a super useful tool.