2023-04-23 20:10:05
You ask, our lady for love answers. This time: Is it ever too late to start looking for a new partner? And if not, how do you approach them?
A reader wants to experience erotic love again after the death of her husband. The couples therapist explains how to approach this. Anastasia Shuraeva/pexels
Helga, 67: My husband, to whom I was married for almost 40 years, died almost two years ago. We had a beautiful marriage, but in the last ten years there hasn’t been any sexuality for various reasons – which hasn’t been a problem for either of us. Now that I can feel the hardest time of grief slowly passing, I keep finding myself dreaming of experiencing erotic love again. Do you think that can work again at my age? What kind of dating can you give me for this purpose recommend?
Dear Helga, you were married to your husband for 40 years – with all the ups and downs and 30 years of sex. Sometimes the sexual desire in couples dwindles after years, but a different physicality in a broader sense often remains – a beautiful love. Your husband died, you have two years of sadness and parting behind you. And you feel the desire to live again. You notice that and dare to ask this question.
Young adults often cannot really imagine their parents’ sexuality. Even then, when he or she is older, there is amazement at this look of the young, because everything still feels alive and young in the inner world. In my work, I often experience that as people get older, either they close themselves off from answering certain life questions out of helplessness or shame, or they become much more open, courageous and tolerant.
There is no age that forbids desires
A woman, 80 years old, and a man, 82 years old, met two years ago via an internet platform and immediately felt that they could have a good time together. Today, the two are still happy together.
Another woman started a new relationship at 62 after the death of her husband. The man was eight years younger, she knew him from her circle of friends. The two grew old together and experienced sexuality in a different way.
As in one of these cases, the adult children are sometimes confused and find it difficult to agree with their mother’s or father’s path, but sometimes the children are also amazed and delighted.
You are about to formulate your desires and there is no age that forbids this or makes it no longer possible. Maybe you watch two films: In “Cloud 9” two old people fall in love and experience a passion that is very surprising for both of them. “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande” is also a wonderful film. A woman whose husband died two years earlier embarks on a courageous and creative journey of new sexual experience. And use the many platforms on the Internet, there you will find people who are just looking like you.
Do you have questions for our couples therapists? Write to [email protected]
#rediscover #sexuality