How we feel in a relationship has a big impact on our self-confidence and well-being. If you feel unfairly treated, oppressed, or even afraid of not meeting the other person’s needs, it may be emotional manipulation. Maybe this has happened to you before: You met with a friend to play blackjack, you caught up, but afterwards you feel bad and drained. Do you feel like she told you things that weren’t true? Or did you reveal information that you really wanted to keep to yourself? Then you should reflect on your meeting again: Could your girlfriend be manipulating you? These warning signs and tips will help you recognize emotional manipulation and protect yourself.
TYPICAL SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
Whether in a partnership, friendship, family, or even at work, emotional manipulation can occur in any interpersonal relationship. If you are insulted, lied to or even blackmailed by your counterpart, you should question your relationship. Because in the long run, emotional manipulation can weaken our self-esteem and make us doubt our own sanity.
THE CHECKLIST FOR YOU
Sign 1: Lying truths
Of course, we all don’t want to be lied to, and it’s not always easy to spot a lie. However, if you feel your significant other is telling you things that never happened or denying incidents that did happen in reality, this can be a sign of emotional manipulation. Manipulative people are skilled at lying. They often do not even have a guilty conscience when they lie. They want to change the perception of others, convince them of something and put themselves in the right light.
Our tip: If you think you are being lied to, question the stories skillfully. If he or she gets into trouble explaining, becomes nervous, tries to justify himself or herself, or withdraws, this indicates a lie.
Sign 2: Feeling of distress
At first glance, emotional manipulators seem very open-hearted, good-natured and social. They try to develop sympathy and compassion and build up a (supposed) trust in order to elicit from others their weaknesses and secrets. However, if you notice that your counterpart is after certain information that you actually don’t want to reveal, then hold it back: The manipulator:in could otherwise have you in his or her hand later.
Our tip: Be careful who you confide in. Stand up for your needs and only tell what you really want to reveal. Don’t let yourself be blackmailed and distance yourself from the person if you feel manipulated.
In interpersonal relationships, we should be careful that we ourselves are doing well. These tips will help you: How to recognize toxic friendships. and how to recognize that someone is jealous of you. Suffering from loss anxiety? Watch out for these red flags on-off relationships. Your sweetheart is controlling you? Here’s how you can recognize jealousy and respond properly. Are you compatible? These are questions every couple should ask themselves.
Sign 3: Assigning blame
Do you have the feeling that you never do anything right in a relationship or that you are to blame for all problems and conflicts? Then you should take the observer perspective and try to reflect the situation neutrally. Manipulative people do not admit any wrongdoing, reject the blame and overdramatize small mistakes of others. As a result, feelings of guilt and a guilty conscience develop among those affected. They want to make up for what (supposedly) happened – and the manipulator already profits from it.
Our tip: Stay true to yourself and become aware of your feelings. If your counterpart puts himself or herself in the victim role, then ask him or her reflective questions such as “what are you trying to do by accusing me?” or “is it fair to treat me like this for that little mistake?”.
Sign 4: Disrespect
Respectful behavior should be displayed in a healthy relationship. “If-then” statements, insults, and disappointed remarks reveal a lack of consideration for your own needs. So if you feel pressured by your counterpart to meet their expectations or else face consequences, then manipulative behavior seems to be present.
Our tip: Try not to let yourself be threatened or put under pressure. Counter the disrespect with objectivity and, in the worst case, break off contact. No one deserves to be treated badly by their loved ones for no reason.
Sign 5: Comparisons with others
Sentences like, “If my buddy had done that, it wouldn’t have happened!” or “My friend could have handled that much better than you!” can put you and your behavior in a bad light. Outsiders or even you doubt your sanity. The manipulative person hopes that you will change yourself and your behavior.
Our tip: Insist on not being compared, because you are an individual personality and do not deserve to be hurt by comparisons. Set boundaries and stand up for yourself.