2023-08-19 20:00:13
The lack of communication during parenting, and even traumatic experiences, can be reasons why some children decide to forget their parents. Let’s learn about some of the causes that can lead to this and how to strengthen ties with your parents, in adulthood.
Last update: August 19, 2023
In the transition to adulthood, it is common for family dynamics to experience significant changes. One of the realities that has emerged in today’s society is the distance between parents and children.a complex phenomenon that deserves to be explored in depth.
There are multiple causes of this event and they range from situations such as traumas or differences of thought, to the influence of the couple, and although this distance can generate concern and confusion, understanding the origin and consequences can shed light on this issue.
What are the causes of estrangement from children?
Before delving into the main reasons for distancing by children, it is essential to remember that this phenomenon should not be interpreted as a simple omission of responsibilities on all occasions. Instead, it can be understood as an expression of personal growth, where children seek to find their voice, independence, and happiness.
We share with you situations that are usually the origin of family breakups and that may allow you to evaluate and take actions that strengthen communication.
Traumatic experiences and the need to distance
The relationship between parents and children is crucial in the formation of identity and self-perception. However, when traumatic experiences mark childhood, this bond can become fragile. On some occasions, children choose to distance themselves, as a way to heal the wounds of the past. In this process, the search for independence becomes intertwined with the need to set healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Studies have identified that the most frequent causes of these traumas may include the separation of parents, the death of loved ones, exposure to domestic violence and problems related to substance use, as well as having been the protagonist or witness of violence in the workplace. home and living with a multi-problematic family. Family atmosphere too It plays a fundamental role, since its lack of strength can generate misunderstanding and a feeling of loneliness in adulthood.
In relation to the separation of the parents, this can trigger problematic factors such as the manipulation of the children to make claims to the other parent. In addition, when one of the parties involved in the separation forms a new couple and the child does not like this, it can also lead to estrangement. The way in which separation is handled and how communication is established between parents and children in this process can have a profound impact on the evolution of the relationship between them.
Forced migrations and geographical distance
In an increasingly globalized world, job opportunities, political and social conflicts, as well as other factors, can lead people to seek a life in places far from their place of origin. This situation, although often unavoidable, can have a profound impact on family relationships.
Forced migrations, the result of situations such as armed conflicts, political persecution or natural disasters, They can generate an abrupt separation between parents and children. The need to seek security and a better life can lead to family members dispersing to different regions or even countries. This leads to a break in close coexistence and the impossibility of maintaining regular contact.
On the other hand, geographical distance can also arise, due to job opportunities in remote areas. Many times, young children move to different cities or countries to pursue their professional and educational goals. In addition, the economic aspect also plays a crucial role at this point, since the cost of air tickets and other travel-related expenses can make regular visits difficult for parents who live far away.
Differences in values and ongoing discussions
Adult life brings with it the formation of personal values and beliefs, which may diverge from those instilled during upbringing. When visits to parents trigger constant arguments, some children may choose to space out their meetings to avoid unnecessary tension. It is in this process where they learn to set limits and protect their own peace of mind.
The differences usually arise from adolescence, since it is at this stage that the child goes in search of independence, beyond the bond of attachment that has been formed during upbringing. It is there where the family climate and the respect on the part of the parents have the greatest influence in establishing what relationships will be like in the future.
Studies are positive in this regard; outline that the generation gap is less and less influential in family breakupsdue to the fact that, unlike previous decades, the ideological abyss between parents and children is less and less, since topics such as religion, politics and sexuality are addressed, which used to be taboo before.
Conflicts with partners and tensions in the relationship
Love and relationships can cause complications in the bond between parents and children. Values clashes and difficulties accepting chosen partners can trigger a gradual estrangement. Parental resistance to the relationship or couples’ disagreement with their loved one’s family can put pressure on family ties, leading some to reduce the frequency of visits.
Children with mental problems or difficult personalities
The family context can be challenging for children who struggle with mental health problems or have difficult personalities. The complex dynamics that emerge in these cases can negatively affect relationship with parents. Personality disorder and other conditions can influence children’s decision-making, contributing to distancing as a protective measure.
In fact, it has been shown that the lack of union and communication between a family can be a reflection of parents with cases of depression, and generally translates into children with emotional and behavioral problems, which is generating a progressive breakdown of the relationships.
Parental preferences and favorite siblings
The dynamic of adored or preferred children can trigger resentment and conflict within the family. When parents favor one child over the others, family ties can suffer and equity is compromised. The feeling of being disadvantaged can influence the decision of some children to distance themselves to find their own identity and value outside of this pattern.
The importance of balance and communication
While parent-child estrangement can be based on a variety of causes, it is vital to maintain a balanced perspective. Recognizing that modern family life presents challenges and opportunities allows both parties to reflect on their role in the relationship. Open and honest communication, where concerns and expectations are shared, can pave the way toward mutual understanding and redefining the relationship in adult terms.
How to maintain a healthy relationship during visits?
Reconciliation and strengthening of the ties between parents and children are desirable goals for both parties. To make it, it is essential to establish a solid foundation of communication and mutual understanding. We offer you some recommendations to get the most out of the meeting moments.
Keep communication open: Express your thoughts and feelings honestly and respectfully. Actively listen to the other parties and allow them to express their points of view. Establish clear expectations: before the meeting, analyze the issues that could generate conflict during the visit and establish limits that protect family peace. Seek mutual respect: recognize differences and individual perspectives, avoiding judgment and constant criticism. Look for quality time: Instead of focusing on the number of visits, prioritize the quality of the time you spend together. Participate in meaningful activities and enjoy shared moments. Express gratitude: recognize and value the efforts and sacrifices that each member of the family has made. Maintain a state of gratitude for the love and support.
The parent-child relationship is a complex dance of love, challenges, and personal evolution. Yes ok the reasons for distancing can be varied, the possibility of rebuilding ties is always present. By adopting an open, empathetic and committed attitude, it is possible to cultivate an enriching and meaningful relationship that lasts throughout the years.
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