2023-09-08 13:19:00
The birth of a child really changes life: it becomes noisier and more troublesome, there are more sleepless nights, but also more joy. “Many parents say that having their first child has made a huge difference to their lives and to them,” says Eva Asselmann, professor of psychology at the University of Health and Medicine Potsdam. She studies how personality traits change throughout life under the influence of certain events: changing jobs, getting married, having a child, or getting divorced. The psychologist came to the conclusion that the research results contradict the feelings of the parents. “According to observations, the birth of a child is accompanied by a surprisingly small number of personality changes,” states Asselman, citing the results of modern research in this area. One explanation for this could be that people with certain personality traits are more likely to decide to become parents.
The decision to have or not have children is influenced by many factors: marital status, career aspirations, cultural norms and financial status. Fundamental personal qualities play an equally important role. Their specific influence was studied by Steffen Peters of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock.
Having a child changes prioritiesPhoto: Zoonar.com/Robert Kneschke/picture alliance
Extroverted men are more likely to have children
“Extroverted men are more likely to have children,” says Peters. This is one of the conclusions research, based on data from Germany, which was published in early 2023. At the same time, “for women, extraversion is not a decisive personality trait when it comes to starting a family,” Peters comments on another finding from her study.
The results of Peters’ work coincide with the data that Eva Asselman collected as a psychologist. At first glance, this may seem contradictory: people who are less open to new experiences and more extroverted are more likely to start a family. And, according to her observations, this effect is more noticeable among men.
Both Peters and Asselman used the so-called “Big Five” in their research, i.e. The five main traits that most accurately assess a person’s personality are: openness to new experiences, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and emotional stability.
“People who are open to new experiences have a wide range of interests: they love to travel, they want to have new experiences or get to know other cultures,” says Eva Asselman. For these people, the desire to become parents may be less strong because they consider the personal restrictions that come with having a child to be too severe.
On the other hand, more conservative people who want to settle down and who are not irritated by routine will not be too frightened by starting a family.
Extraversion means being more socially open, Asselman explains. According to the psychologist, extroverts are likely to have children more often because a noisy and lively family life suits them well. At the same time, they – even if they have a child – are usually part of a larger social network offering help and support.
Do children change their parents’ personality?
Eva Asselman is interested not only in what personality traits influence decisions in life, but also in how these decisions, in turn, change personality. “One of the existing hypotheses is that when becoming a parent, a person becomes more mature, that is, more conscious, more tolerant and emotionally stable,” says Asselman. But the findings from her study will come as a surprise to some parents: “The bottom line is that there were no significant changes in personality traits.” Researchers have, however, found that openness to new experiences decreases on average after the birth of a child, but this effect is not very large.
Even more surprising to Eva Asselman and her team was that, on average, people did not become, as is commonly believed, more conscientious after having a child. But the psychologist has an explanation for this: the birth of a child changes priorities. Those who, after joining the family, devotedly and conscientiously take care of their offspring, are forced to sacrifice something in other areas of life and can no longer be so scrupulous, for example, in everyday life or at work.
What changes a person the most is… work
Things are different for people who have children at age 20 or earlier. “In our studies, new parents in the first year after the birth of a child were much more conscientious and conscientious than before,” says Asselman. “However, in subsequent years this effect disappeared again.” At the same time, this was not observed at all among older parents.
Despite the fact that the birth of children turns life upside down, it still does not affect the essence of our personality as much as, for example, a change of profession. This is evidenced by the results of another recent a meta-analysiswhich studied the impact of various life events on a person’s personality.
“The new job has clear job requirements,” explains Asselman. To meet these requirements, you need to perform very specific tasks: be punctual, hardworking, professionally savvy. But the role of parents is less clearly defined. “We all have different ideas about what makes a good mother and father. But if we deviate from this ideal, there is no boss around, like at work, to point it out to us.” This explains why, after becoming a parent, one may find so few changes in personality.
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