2023-10-22 20:00:26
When you learn to recognize and accept how you feel without judging yourself, you strengthen your ability to deal with intense emotions. Discover more about emotional self-validation and how to develop it.
Last update: October 22, 2023
In times of crisis, when negative emotions tend to take over your thoughts, Emotional self-validation can help you manage the situation. But what exactly does this concept refer to? Validating yourself is accepting how you feel and what you think without punishing or judging yourself.
It does not mean that you justify what is happening to you, but that you accept the emotions you experience—whether good or bad—to become aware of what is generating them and work on it. And although in practice it is not easy, there are some strategies that help you develop it.
What is emotional self-validation?
Emotional validation is knowing how to recognize that all emotions—your own and those of others—are valid and have a function. Listen to them, try to understand why they appear and learn to regulate them without resistance. It is decisive for personal growth and for facing adverse situations.
Now, emotional self-validation specifically refers to the ability that allows you to accept your internal experiences, with the feelings and thoughts they encompass. It means stopping resisting, minimizing or ignoring what you feel to work on improving it and achieving a greater state of well-being.
In fact, it is related to strengthening self-esteem and self-knowledge. Marsha Linehan, American psychologist and creator of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), points out that It is a way to reduce dependence on others and learning to regulate one’s own emotions.
At the same time, he adds that it requires both understanding and empathy. And far from discarding or rejecting sadness, anguish, anger and other “negative” feelings, it is about giving them a space within you to understand their origin, their function and what they teach you in the situations that arise. you face day by day.
Why emotional self-validation can save you in times of crisis?
Emotional invalidation usually surfaces during periods of crisis. When you are going through a difficult moment—in your professional, family, sentimental or social sphere—unpleasant emotions tend to arise, such as frustration, anger, jealousy, sadness, anguish, among many others.
However, precisely because of the negative connotation that is usually given to these feelings, they are minimized, denied, or considered inappropriate. The problem? Greater difficulty in facing the situation and overcoming it. In turn, you may have low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with your relationships.
This is when the development of emotional self-validation becomes relevant. If you learn to recognize and validate what you are experiencing and thinking, You will be able to calm down, manage it more assertively and explore possible solutions.
Meanwhile, you will be strengthening your self-awareness and skills to manage intense emotions. Because of this, self-validation is related to personal growth and wisdom. Developing it helps you have better coping resources against stress, anxiety and any overwhelming emotional process.
How to strengthen emotional self-validation
Learning to self-validate and regulate emotions is not an easy process. Not only do you need to let go of the need for control, but you also have to learn to be aware of the feelings and thoughts that arise from each experience. What can you do to achieve it?
Recognize your emotions
The first step you should take to strengthen emotional self-validation is recognize what you are feeling in the present moment, without making a judgment about it. That is, identify that emotion and give it a name. If you don’t know precisely what you’re feeling, try writing it down to try to clarify it.
Is it anger, jealousy, sadness, disappointment? The idea is that you give yourself space to listen to yourself and recognize emotions without minimizing or judging them. To cite an example, instead of saying “I shouldn’t feel sad, it’s not that big of a deal”you better say “I feel sad and it is for this reason”.
allow yourself to feel
Once you have clarity about how you are feeling, the next step is to remind yourself that it is okay to experience any emotion, even if it is unpleasant. While the feeling may be uncomfortable, Accept that it is present, but remember that beyond that it will not harm you.
Don’t try to repress or silence what is going through your mind. If it causes you sadness, crying, anger or anguish, let it manifest. If you’re still having a hard time letting it out, write it down or try talking about it with someone close to you.
Validate what you feel
All emotions are important and manifest for a reason. Beyond allowing yourself to feel them, reaffirm that they are valid and worth attending to. At that moment, repeat phrases like “what I feel is valid”, “I embrace my emotions” and the like.
try to understand
Trying to understand what you feel is a determining step for emotional self-validation. The idea is that you take enough time to think about everything that could trigger the particular emotion. People, situations, actions… there are many possible factors involved.
When you build the context, try to avoid pointing and judging. Besides, Try to understand the meaning of emotion. For example, something that scares you will try to tell you to seek safety; sadness will help you in your personal development, as will disappointments.
Identify if you are accumulating emotions
Many times, what you feel is the accumulation of previous situations that you have not known how to manage. You may have repeatedly experienced the emotion in question, but chose to repress or minimize it. Keep in mind that only by facing it can you overcome itor, you will learn to regulate it.
Practice self-compassion
Last but not least, try to treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Think of the situation as if it were happening to someone you love very much.
What would you say to him, what would be your advice, how would you treat him? Just as you are there for others in difficult times, try to be there for yourself.
Always keep in mind that being vulnerable or overwhelmed is human and there is nothing wrong with it.
Do you usually invalidate your emotions?
If you have just identified that you tend to judge how you feel, or are not able to accept your emotions, it is time to take action. Emotional self-validation is a skill that you can develop if you put it into practice in your daily life.
Of course, you must be patient with the process, as it is not easy and requires a lot of internal listening. In any case, Once you achieve this, you will take your emotional growth to another level. Not only will you improve how you feel about yourself, but it will be reflected in how you relate to others.
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