2023-11-01 12:41:41
«“I don’t understand youa Thomasin la Manolis”, started telling the child his father and my former in-laws. The child began to get confused. I could see how his mental health is disturbed. He was telling me: “the boblet’s notit’s goodah, it upset himsame».
D., who lives in Crete, describes to “K” the great and adventurous litigation, in which she has been for three years with her ex-partner and father of her child. The bone of contention, among the many things the former couple disagrees on, is the name of their son.
D. lived with her ex-partner five years – three of them as a couple and two as a family with their son. Due to the pandemic, they never got married. “And because my ex-partner’s family wanted a big party, we postponed it.”
The thorn of the name had appeared in their relationship early on. Beings awkward about the subject, until then, most of the family’s social circle and the teachers at the nursery called the little boy “baby”. “When we separated and given that we were not married, I announced to him that I no longer had the obligation to observe the “closed”, unwritten law of the name, which is valid in Crete”, says D.
She suggested to her ex-partner that they think of some names they would both like and discuss them. Denied. Finally, D. she proceeded to name the child herself, giving a different name from both grandfathers. The little boy, who was then two and a half years old, was named Thomas. D. had then talked about her decision with three child psychologists. “I wanted to be fair so I gave a name that I just liked. The child’s father then started a war.”
In practice this meant that he continued to call his son by his own father’s name, i.e. Manolis. They are currently pending three courts, while for some of the issues in the dispute D. was taken to court. D. has paid for all this legal dispute so far 7,000 euros.
Photo INTIMATE
The child’s last name is also the subject of a legal dispute. Thomas has for now two surnamesbut his father has appealed this decision.
Naming is part of parental care and as such is exercised by both parents. A name cannot be unilaterally given to a child, unless one of the two parents has died or has lost parental care.
D. acknowledges that this dispute is burdensome for all three, but she considers her decisions to be a matter of defending her values, based on which women are not just people who bring a child into life and then obey whatever what the husband and his family desire. She describes herself as an active woman with social work on the island. She says that her decisions are not made based on selfishness. Besides, it is hoped that in a short time the tensions will subside. She herself is getting married in a few months. Her ex-husband has already remarried and is waiting for his new wife to give birth. He believes that these positive, optimistic events will have a calming effect on their relationship and that “Thomas” will now become the name accepted by the child’s father as well.
Assumptionyou who ftanun conI’m in courtgentle
Lawyer Irini Chr. Burn which has dealt with such cases a lot, tells “K” that this phenomenon is not new. “We would even say that it occurs quite often among the disputes that arise between the parents of minor children,” he explains.
It is noted that naming is part of parental care and as such is exercised by both parents. A name cannot be unilaterally given to a child, unless one of the two parents has passed away or has lost parental care, i.e. it has been taken away from him completely. Where there is a dispute, the court is called upon to provide the solution.
However, she stands by the following: “Rarely, naming is the only reason for the breakup of a married life. It’s usually one of many points of contention that takes parents to court.” The creed (in cases of non-religious parents) is also one of the frequent issues of litigation as well as its exercise custody or joint custody, determining the amount of monthly maintenance, communicating with the non-custodial parentetc.
As for the naming cases, there are not a few times that these reach the Areo Pago (see decisions 1700|2001, 63|2002, 945|2009, 494|2017 etc.).
Ms. Kapsali mentions indicatively tthe decision 754 of 2020, which recently saw the light of day. In this case, the supreme court upheld an appellate decision, which overturned a lower court decision. In the first instance decision it had been given combination of two names to each of the two minor children of the family, one name from the paternal and the other from the maternal line. The judge in the first court considered that this is how it is ensured for the children the favor and interest of both the maternal and paternal families. Finally, at second instance it was decided to define them third namescompletely different, but to which they willingly respond, since with them they were established in their personal and social relationships and were accepted at the critical time as declarations of their identity.
The judge takes into account the circumstances and facts of each case and, based on them, reaches a judgment. When determining the name, the court is not bound by the requests of the parties.
As for the way the judges decide on this very delicate and complex issue, according to Ms. Kapsali, tthe mainThe criterion eyes the interest of the child. “But as you understand, this is a vague legal concept. That is why there is no predetermined or specific criterion. The judge takes into account the circumstances and facts of each case and, based on them, reaches a judgment. When determining the name, the court is not bound by the requests of the parties. Decisions are different each time.”
Photo INTIMATE
In several cases, however, what happens according to Ms. Kapsali is that the mother who exercises more than the time of custody and spends more time with the child, also has a informal lead in the matter of namingmany times establishing a name in the child’s dealings and consciousness.
In general, however, the basic criteria for a judge’s decision are the following:
-If the child is addressed by a specific name from the beginning of his life
-If there is an initial agreement between the parents, which must be proven
-What name does the child already respond to?
-If there is a risk that the identity will be disturbed by the addition of another name or by the removal of the one already used.
In order to prove all of the above, and given that young children are not usually called to court (although if it is considered important, this will be done), the parents present child psychiatric opinions, which play perhaps the most important role in the court’s decision. The opposing parents present e-mails and messages they exchanged when they were still a couple and consider them persuasive, while even personal diaries are used.
The life-saving – for some – solution of consent
And the children; How do the children themselves feel in the midst of fierce conflicts that in some cases resemble the scenario of the film “Kramer vs. Kramer”?
There are parents who are on vacation day after day. On the other hand, there are many others who consult child psychologists and experts, for the best possible management of the situation.
“Unfortunately, in fierce disputes, children are often not left unaffected,” notes Ms. Kapsali and adds: “There are parents who are on the dole day after day. On the other hand, there are many others who consult child psychologists and experts, for the best possible management of the situation, which was not the case before.”
E. is one of those mothers who did not just take the advice of the child psychologist, but decided to take a step back and withdraw from her claims.
We set times when he would see the little one. He didn’t follow them. She would come two hours later to pick him up and they would return very late at night. It was bothering me. We called the police for everything.
“Everything happened very quickly,” she tells us, telling her own story. “In one year of our relationship I got pregnant. Eight months after the birth of our son we broke up.”
Photo Shutterstock
The former couple began to disagree vehemently about almost everything concerning their child. “We set times when he would see the little one. He didn’t follow them. She would come two hours later to pick him up and they would return very late at night. It was bothering me. We called the police for everything”, describes E.
Shortly before the child was four years old, two child psychologists advised E. to give the name that his father (her former father-in-law) wanted, in order to normalize the situation. Until then, the child was called by two names.
The name dispute is not the real problem. The real problem is selfishness. I wanted to move on and live in peace.
When her son turned four, E. decided to take the name she didn’t want. E. let her husband choose even the godfather.
Having now distanced herself from the difficult events, she tells us that she has settled down to the following: “In my opinion, the controversy over the name is just the icing on the cake. It’s not the real problem. The real problem is selfishness. I wanted to move on and live in peace.”
#Thomas #Manoli