2024-02-12 13:32:38
People often make a mistake – they think that it is thanks to them that others will like them
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Some people are charismatic – they manage to please everyone and get what they want. Even he gets the impression that they have become friends.
Other people have sunk into the belief that being liked depends only on natural features, and they are innate to the lucky few – the beautiful, very sociable, incredibly talented, who thanks to them achieve success in life and career. But scientific research shows that this is not true. On the contrary, it is one’s own fault if one does not become likable. Whether they like him or not is entirely within his control, and nature has little to do with it.
Scientists from the University of California, Berkeley surveyed more than 500 people and according to the results, intelligence and physical attractiveness did not appear to be the deciding factor. The participants of the study claimed that the most liked people are those who are sincere, transparent in their behavior and able to show understanding. The one who looks good on the outside makes contact more easily in the first seconds, but then beauty ceases to matter. Intelligent and polite behavior are important at all times, but they alone are not enough.
According to research, there are also top 10 things that are guaranteed to turn your conversation partners off. The special thing is that they can easily be mistaken – ie. to think they have the exact opposite effect.
1. You mention famous people
This is probably how you hope to raise your own price. If you know important and interesting people, then you are also important. But the inclusion of famous names in our conversation in leggings, in our sleeve sounds like bragging. Instead of talking about yourself, your qualities and your ideas, you try to recommend yourself through someone you know. Even if he is an authority for your interlocutor, the person feels your inner insecurity, garnished with pretentiousness. And instead of attracting it, you repel it.
Not to mention that nowadays there are no universally recognized authorities and you run the risk of becoming unlikable by pretending to be close to someone whom your interlocutor does not like at all.
2. Brag
Well, you’re not stupid enough to do it quite directly. You do it “modestly”, supposedly making fun of yourself, but in fact you want to highlight your positive qualities. Or you’re pretending to be upset about something (“Oh, how fat I’ve gained”, “I’m so tired, I don’t look like anything”, “I didn’t do very well with this project”), but you’re asking for a compliment. It also gives off an inner insecurity that doesn’t make people like you.
3. You share a lot about yourself
Yes, to really like you, people need to get to know you. But when you flood your interlocutor with an unhealthy amount of information too soon, you will startle them. Especially if you include confessions that have no place in the conversation. Such a revelation of the soul seems to want to engage the person on the other hand, and he withdraws. No one likes to find themselves embroiled in the personal problems of a near stranger.
Also, oversharing makes you seem self-obsessed, which is also not a reason for someone to like you.
4. You allow yourself emotional outbursts
It doesn’t matter if it’s anger, irritation, impatience. They are undeniably repulsive, but the unrestraint of happy emotions also indicates instability. Demonstrating excessive elation, outbursts of exuberant joy in front of strangers make them question whether you can be trusted.
Good control over one’s own feelings turns out to be an important factor in being liked. On the contrary – the inability to control emotions even scares.
5. You gossip
Many like to discuss supposedly sympathetic third persons even with an almost unknown interlocutor. But that doesn’t mean they’ll like him at all, unless they’re bad people who pathologically fall for their fellow villains. Then talking about the hardships and misfortunes of others can give rise to a kind of perverse pleasure.
But if you think that discussing mutual acquaintances in a positive light can break the ice, you’re also wrong. In most cases, gossiping is guaranteed to make you repulsive. Because it is not far from the mind of your interlocutor that as you talk about those people, so you will talk about him.
In the event that he asks you about a mutual acquaintance, answer, but without going into details.
6. You show a closed mind
You have a strong opinion about everyone and everything, you speak as a last resort, you are not inclined to hear a different opinion. And if your interlocutor still manages to insert it, you immediately set about knocking him down. This shows that you tend to judge and condemn without trying to see the world through the eyes of others. Just the opposite makes people likeable – the desire to learn new things, evaluate them and then form an opinion.
An open mind doesn’t mean you’re a conformist – ie. you adapt to the interlocutor and agree with him in order to become likeable to him. You may argue, but after hearing the thesis and arguments. Nothing you say will make you any smarter. If you want to learn something new, you have to listen. The opposite means that you are conservative and self-absorbed. And no one likes such people.
7. You don’t ask questions
This is a continuation of mistake number 6. By focusing only on yourself and not showing interest in the interlocutor, naturally you will not arouse sympathy.
It is not by chance that there is also etiquette for business communication. It suggests starting the conversation with a few informal questions about the person you’re contacting. Then you move to the point. And again, you often ask, even if everything seems clear to you. Even the parasitic “Don’t you think?” after your speech is a kind of invitation for your interlocutor to join.
8. You are too serious
People do not like to associate with personalities who are too strict. Even the most businesslike professional conversation gets off to a better start if you can break it up with a joke. There’s no need to act like a jerk, but you’ll end up liking them more anyway if you demonstrate emotional intelligence rather than robot efficiency.
This also means being on the same wavelength as your interlocutor. When he interjects something personal into the conversation, interject without going into too much detail. When he tells a joke, you tell too.
9. You are negative
Everything is bad – starting with the economy and politics, going through the traffic, and ending with the weather. Maybe all this is true and your interlocutor thinks the same way. But even if you make out together, you won’t like him.
No one likes hanging out with negative people because they burden them. Highlighting bad things and gloomy predictions seem to radiate negative energy. They also exude pessimism, and who likes to deal with someone who doesn’t believe that anything good can happen.
10. You fiddle with your phone
Many people think that by not taking their eyes off their mobile device, they look like people burdened with many responsibilities, who have to monitor the situation constantly. However, this greatly repels the interlocutor, who is left with the impression that he is not important enough.
Don’t look at the phone if you want to like them and best not to take it out of your bag or pocket.
In “The right person” – the new special project of “24 hours”, you can read more:
Phrases that confident people never utter in front of their boss and colleagues
The harmful myths about success
3 boss mistakes, and the damage to you
The road to office hell is also paved with good intentions
When to win with dead fox tactics
Why It’s Stupid to Tell a Coworker “Calm Down”
The most important thing for success is who you associate with in the service
Stereotypes of the mind often hinder success
10 ways to manipulate elegantly
Self-promotion is a subtle skill
How to survive a professional blunder without (more) suffering
And with minor delays you ruin your reputation
If every Monday is your Black Monday