2024-04-10 09:13:45
The family has 6 children: Meileja (4 months old), Vandenynas (1.5 years old), Mirgeja (almost 3 years old), Raguelis (11 years old), Kristaras (12 years old) and Karilė (14 years old).
Spouses do not hide the fact that they focus on family and children, and combine their other activities with the needs of the family. They find time for themselves by waking up in the morning – according to them, 3-5 am. morning is a holy pure time, which is not worth oversleeping. Well, they just don’t care about the number of hours slept.
The two of them have many activities: Smiltėja is a voice mentor who teaches voice revealing practices, a choir director and member, as well as a mentor of the namumama.lt project. She also has many international certificates: yoga master, voice mentor, nlp master, suicide prevention master, child education, breastfeeding, etc. and a master’s degree.
Mintaut’s specialty is woodworking, his wife calls him a goldsmith, but he claims that his main activity is to be a professional husband and father, learning how to take care of children as best and as carefully as possible, to see and respond to their deepest needs. One of his biggest goals is for the family to harmoniously go through challenging situations and find strength through difficulties to lead everyone to joy.
Both spouses counsel families, couples, teenagers, parents and grandparents who are determined not to be toxic parents and grandparents, which, according to the interviewees, are the majority, because only one other family establishes a real connection with children and takes responsibility for the quality of that connection.
“We feel strong as a family – we manage to harmoniously travel through life’s challenges and joys, create a loving, mature atmosphere for children, a foundation for life, the courage to go their own way, not to obey us, but to know themselves, to hear, to fulfill themselves and to create an increasingly mature relationship. Our relationships are important to us – we devote a lot of attention, time, and respectful space to them every day. We also share these effective skills with other families – it is very meaningful, good and joyful for us. If you sincerely, without sacrifice, help someone else achieve their dreams, your dreams will come true as if by themselves,” both asserted.
So we talked to the couple about their parenting philosophies, how they manage to cover everything and foster a harmonious relationship based on mutual respect.
“When and how did you two meet?” – I asked the spouses.
Mintaut: We met while helping to build a friend’s family’s dream – a straw house. We were happy to find each other for days: this is HIM, this is SHE. It felt like we had known each other forever.
Smilteja: We immediately recognized each other and since then we have been consistently friends, we feel as if we have always been friends – we are each other’s own, we have the same values.
– Did the idea that there must be many of you in the family come true soon after that?
Mintaut: We believe in the guidance of the Universe and God, that the children who come into our family depend on it. I like to protect myself from children from the time my little fingers get behind my beard – then I have to protect my own beard. And on a more serious note, I believe that God has sent us His children who give us joy and lessons and the privilege of fully caring for them.
I feel blessed to see the joy of a child when he is just in his body, playing with his fingers, discovering his legs.
We had a feeling that our family would be complete. We came into the family deliberately to live family life and to give meaning to everything we do in life through the family nest and the all-encompassing beauty it nurtures.
– Some people say that they would really like to have more than 1-2 children, but it is very difficult – it is difficult to balance work, finances, etc. What would you say to such people?
Mintaut: You are right. Good luck on your journey.
Smilteja: People who would like more children to grow up in their family, I think, could gain courage and strength from the family of the extremely conscious and bright guardian Eglė Vaitkevičienė.
This may require deciding to change your entire life, if necessary, and further, it seems that the whole world is helping us to travel this path of awareness. It is important to talk, to hear each other, to maturely find out why I really want to adopt children into the family, what it means to me. It should not be ego or superficial reasons, for example: others have and I want, I want to prove to someone that I am a better father and mother than my parents or neighbors or the desire to have offspring. It’s all a bluff.
The real reason we’ve discovered is the determination to grow in conscious service to another. Plan a vision: you are expecting, the child is born, turns one, two, five, fifteen – who will those children be with? How many hours a day of your already full life are you going to devote to them? Right now, set aside that time for talking about children, dreaming, imagining and notice if you are avoiding something, how long you are able to keep your attention, because the biggest challenge in the family is primarily emotional – to contain and smoothly communicate everyone’s feelings. Really listening to everyone honestly – not shying away from connection and challenge – that’s the hardest part.
I have prepared an online course “I want to get married” – it is very meaningful for both those who are waiting for a partner, those who have one, and those who are married – it helps to raise a family consciously. There is also a course for couples, preparation for marriage and many other courses. Do you now have your own psychologist, coach, mentor? This may be necessary to avoid getting caught up in playing the good parenting game.
Children come full of their own lives – all you have to do is help them without getting in the way. To be interested, not to overwhelm, not to train, not to manipulate, not to press, not to speed up and not to slow down. Accept that they are full human beings and may not get out of or in the car just because you tell them to, scream at them, yell at them, promise them candy, threaten to take their phone away, etc. Will you be able to?
Life will no longer be according to you. It is a dive into the powerful efficient unknown. Am I happy with myself? Am I happy with my partner? Do I like my life? If all three answers are negative, what should be added to this score for children? They will come and muddy the already murky waters.
You will be dependent on the children – you will have to negotiate with them all the time – they will not obey you, because they have to obey their own path in life – no one else. When you want to run around – you won’t be able to do it, because the children can fit in the room for a maximum of an hour – after that you will have to go outside and play with them in the forest, by the river, lake or run around in the meadows. Any manifestations of your laziness will end – turbo life will begin.
Our philosophy of life and the number of children are not exceptional or special – we just live a real full life. You will know your own tiredness and maybe you will find that what you are most tired of is yourself. When it detects that, turbo mode will kick in and you’ll always have energy.
– Still, you probably have some rules to prevent chaos in such a large family (you share chores, follow a daily schedule, etc.)?
Mintaut: We teach children to each take responsibility for what is theirs. Constantly being together with children, both we and they learn to solve disagreements, hurts, insults, to accept our own and other’s needs and expectations.
Our philosophy is that children follow our example. By observing ourselves carefully, we see what we are teaching children. It is not the mode that is important, but the rhythm and harmony in everything. In order to create a successful rhythm, we must travel the path of self-development, listening, and interest.
In order for the day to be fruitful, I have to flexibly adapt the day to all family members without training and imposition. We raise children in the family, after all, no one else will do it. We don’t think anyone else should or can raise our children. They were born and raised in a family. We dedicate a few hours to lessons for each child starting early in the morning. They really like it and it suits them.
Smilteja: They do not experience herd feeling, bullying, humiliation, false values - which are normal in schools. They are not with overworked educators – they are with loving, attentive, aware and happy adults. They learn at their own pace, at their own pace in love and safety.
Our children attend groups every day: judo, swimming, scouts, ceramics, drawing on silk and others. He learns every day from his father’s skills – to learn many things that will be needed at home – in his future family – to create by himself. From me, they learn to create an atmosphere, comfort, beauty, a system of processes in the family – life organization, business, conscious behavior with money, etc.
And our main principle is not to train children. Let’s raise and educate only ourselves, ourselves, ourselves. It is worth asking the children a question, ready to hear everything: “What is wrong with me?” How do you like living with me? How do you think I can improve myself, change myself? What would you advise me?” It’s worth listening and wondering again and again – it’s an opportunity for growth.
– How would you say what specifically makes you happy about such a big family?
Mintaut: There are many people who need me, I feel loved. It doesn’t get boring. It’s fun to see everyone’s unique development. Being the father in the family gives me the opportunity to feel needed. I have the ability to carry several children at once wherever I am.
Smilteja: It makes me happy that our children are strong, loving, sincere, cozy, real, simple. Everyone’s talents and peculiarities are revealed – difficult and easy, we create a connection and grow through the connection all together. I love it when we all sing together in the car.
We make a circle of loving connection and openness, we are grateful, we know how to apologize sincerely, we are guided by life, we are happy, we take care of each other, we allow ourselves not to pay and learn together because we admit we were wrong and help each other get up from our knees.
Our children are independent, do not give in to pressure, influence, are not bought for candy, they are creators – they are already living their full lives, and will not grow up and live someday. They have refined their areas of activity and are constantly strengthening themselves in them. For example, Raguel knows how to make motorbikes, crafts with his dad, Karile likes to sell at various school fairs, cook, makes bracelets, Kristaras makes candles, makes bracelets, crafts, fishes with his dad.
Abu: As husband and wife, as parents, we feel strong. Our children are physically, emotionally, mentally and at their core strong and stable and we will go through all the challenges given with full strength.
– What kind of difficulties do you have to experience?
Mintaut: If two or more small children want my full attention at the same time.
Smilteja: Sometimes it’s hard to stay connected. This is greatly helped by the flexibility, love, understanding, ability to replace each other, to share this service. My husband got an invitation to work at a men’s camp and he couldn’t accept the offer, saying, “I can do half a day, but I can’t do the whole weekend – my kids need me. I can’t stay overnight because my children don’t sleep without me.”
– Your 1.5-year-old also had problems. son Vandenynyus – a request to contribute to his treatment spread on Facebook. Tell us more about what happened and how he is doing now?
Smilteja: He was born with a very pronounced natural clubfoot. He has wanted to for a long time, but he cannot walk because his foot is not yet ready. We did a lot about it. 90 degree angle and ankle flexibility achieved. However, this is not enough.
Mintaut: Now we are waiting – the first splints are being produced, the price of which is about 1000 EUR plus consultations – one about 100 EUR. It is a 3-5 or 7-year path that requires a lot of strength, love, and service. As the leg grows, it will be necessary to make splints again and again – 2-3 times a year. We are very grateful to everyone who contributes to the child’s ability to walk, jump, run – to move freely and have fun.
Information on how to contribute to the healing of the Ocean can be found here:
2024-04-10 09:13:45