2024-05-05 12:57:17
TOI+ published the first-hand story of a young woman from Kerala who was tortured by her husband and in-laws for having a son. After that story, we came to know of similar horror stories from women across the country. Whatever he told us, here we are presenting his same story.
In December 2023, Karnataka Police arrested a hospital owner. The action was taken because a female fetus, which was illegally aborted at this hospital, was wrapped in a cover and thrown inside a dustbin on the outskirts of Bengaluru. Dr D Srinivas, owner of SPG Hospital and Diagnostic Center at Thirumalashettyhalli in Hoskote, near Bengaluru, was arrested. After this, a large scale female feticide racket was exposed. The police then conducted several raids on medical scanning centers across the state. This incident is hardly the first of its kind. In fact, female feticide is a social issue that India has been grappling with for a long time. In 1994, the central government enacted the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Techniques (PNDT) Act to stop the practice in a country with a bias against girl children and skewed sex ratio. The 49-year-old woman informed about the harassment she faced from her in-laws. She said that her in-laws put pressure on her to produce a ‘good boy’. She also told that on the wedding night her in-laws had given her clear instructions on how to do this.
When we shared this story on Instagram, many women contacted us. She started telling about similar harassment she faced from her husbands and in-laws. A female reader wrote that my mother-in-law and father-in-law also did the same. I protested, but my husband told me that the family wanted a boy as their first child. Another female reader wrote, ‘My mother-in-law used to curse us. She used to say that ‘you should have a girl’, because we had a love marriage. Many stories of young Indian women and a list of the horrific experiences they faced came to light. For women who gave birth to girls, life, as we discovered, was extremely harsh. Here we have presented what he told us. (Some names and identities have been kept confidential for security)
‘My mother-in-law demanded me to divorce her son’
P, 35, Haryana
On March 14, 2018, I got married with hopes of a happy future. Unfortunately, my life soon turned into a nightmare. My in-laws were very clever. He cheated on me on many fronts, including his financial situation, my husband’s education and his job. In the beginning, my relationship with my husband seemed to be going as expected. However, things took a turn for the worse when I refused to take a loan for my education. After this decision, my in-laws started treating me harshly. They also put pressure on me to have a boy to carry forward their family name.
When I became pregnant, this problem reached its peak. Throughout my pregnancy, I faced a lot of emotional and psychological distress. This was because the constant pressure from my husband and his family to find out the gender of the baby made it worse. Despite enduring a painful delivery experience, my husband did not provide me any support. He kept sleeping under the influence of alcohol even during my delivery. The harassment continued even after delivery as my husband distanced himself from me and our newborn daughter. Even when she fell ill and had to be admitted to hospital. My troubles and despair increased further when a few days after giving birth, my mother-in-law filed a case against me. It was demanded that I divorce his son. In this situation, I became worried about how to take care of my newborn daughter. At that time I was feeling very sad and isolated. Be it a boy or a girl – the indifference shown by my husband and in-laws during these challenging times forced me to ask a question. The question is how can one stay away from one’s responsibilities after bringing a life into this world.
‘My mother-in-law asked my husband to delete the message announcing the birth of our daughter’
Pramila Kore, 28, Maharashtra
I am a resident of Satara district of Maharashtra. My marriage took place on December 21, 2016 in Solapur district. My troubles started after giving birth to a girl on August 7, 2018. During my pregnancy, my mother-in-law and a relative stayed with me. During their stay, they guessed the gender of the baby by looking at the shape of my stomach. My husband and I pleaded that we would welcome our child regardless of gender, but the family insisted only on a son. When my husband announced the birth of a baby girl through WhatsApp status, his mother scolded him. She asked my husband to immediately delete the WhatsApp status. He claimed that celebrating the birth of a girl child is an invitation to laughter and shame. As time passed, I faced increasing pressure to get pregnant again. Fights and insults became common within the family. Despite my plans to try for a second once my first child went to school, the demands of the family grew. In 2022, my husband moved to his mother’s house in Solapur. Left me alone in the rented apartment. In 2024, they filed for divorce.
During this period, I lodged several complaints with the police in Solapur and Satara, in which the issue of unreasonable demands of the boy was raised. But I have not received any satisfactory answer yet.
‘The waiting room was full of pregnant women seeking ‘treatment”
Srishti Mehta, 26, Gujarat
In December 2023, I accompanied my pregnant sister-in-law to a nearby maternity clinic. After a healthy pregnancy for three months, we were stunned to learn that the fetus was no longer alive. Due to this we had to go to the clinic twice for the procedure to remove the fetus. During my second visit, I had to wait at the place for eight to nine hours which was an experience that scarred me for life. There was a waiting room, full of pregnant women, just asking for ‘treatment’. A treatment that involved a test to determine the gender of the fetus. If the test revealed that it was a girl, the demand for abortion would have started. Talking to some women and clinic officials revealed a serious truth about these clinics. A fee of Rs 10,000 to 12,000 was charged for abortion. Many women wanted to keep their baby, but their families were forcing them to go through the process. In such a situation, heart-wrenching scenes of their pain and tears came to light.
I met a woman who, along with her neighbor, was undergoing an abortion for the fourth time in a year and a half. Each time a female fetus was being aborted due to family pressure, financial concerns and social expectations. Another woman, who was having an abortion for the third time for the same reason, mentioned her husband’s belief that daughters were a burden because of the perceived financial obligations associated with their marriage. I met a mother-in-law who, despite being a woman herself, was opposed to the birth of a girl. He described his experiences as a major shock. He also expressed concern about the economic hardship caused by repeated abortions to determine the gender of the fetus. All of this reflects a deep societal preference for a boy. I was shocked to see this cycle of gender-based abortions in many maternity clinics in Surat. I also became angry at the social pressure being created regarding this. Normalizing gender testing and related abortion-promoting services also underscores the widespread nature of this heartbreaking issue.
With inputs from Alka Dhupkar. Illustration: Sajeev Kumarapuram/AI