2024-07-07 06:37:18
The fear of not being good enough often plagues even successful people. Why you should master it
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Petrov did an excellent job, says your boss. His praise for your colleague is glowing. You are not neglected because you did not work on this task. You don’t feel underappreciated in principle, because the boss has praised you many times. You are not jealous by nature (or so you think). Then why do you feel bad about the compliment addressed to Petrov?
You probably feel an inner self-doubt that you are not good enough. And it has nothing to do with your colleague or your boss. It is your problem that you have to deal with yourself.
Underachievers and achievers
It is generally believed that insecurity is inherent in people who lack qualities and have often failed. Because of this, they do not believe in success and spin in a vicious circle from which they do not find the courage to get out. The inner self-doubt, the fear that they are not good enough, makes them run away from challenges. Or to take them on with anxiety and fail precisely because of it.
However, psychologists say that inner self-doubt occurs very often even in capable, persistent in pursuit of their goals, successful people. Exactly because their achievements and aspirations are great, they doubt themselves whether they will succeed next time and fear that at some point they might fail.
On the one hand, it’s realism. In every profession and every post, unforeseen circumstances happen to sabotage success. Whatever you do to keep everything under control, there is also something called luck. Sometimes he just turns on you. Both life and work don’t always go according to plan. A smart person knows it, he really does everything possible and necessary to insure himself, but he does not torment himself in advance by pessimistic expectations.
When tormented, self-doubt becomes a trap. He worries all the time if he is doing well enough. Even when he succeeds, he cannot be very happy because he has set the bar high and fears that he will not be able to cross it next time.
It is not true that only losers feel self-doubt, it is also inherent in successful people because it is a condition that is somewhat independent of resultsthe experts explain.
However, it is true that results depend on self-confidence, and psychologists recommend that you definitely work on it if you notice that you lack it.
Some strange signs
Noticing is hard when you’re the kind of person who isn’t riddled with complexes, who doesn’t think of herself as a failure, who hasn’t had failures that have crushed her self-esteem. If you’re generally successful and have an objective view of your qualities, some of the signs of inner self-doubt may seem a little odd, experts warn.
1. Desire for excellence. It is he who reveals the incident with the boss’s praise of Petrov, which for who knows why you are hot. The desire to always surpass everyone else, to be first at work and in every area of life is a sign that you are trying to prove to the world how good you are.
This drive is generally positive, but it is in an unhealthy dose when you resent the recognition of others. Inner self-doubt makes you think that other people’s successes somehow take away from your success. Because of it, you see everyone as an enemy, whether they are your competition or not. Even when he didn’t beat you in a race, but just did his job as a consummate professional, you feel affected.
Experts advise to realize this as a sign of your complex and fight it. People who are truly confident in themselves can accept the successes of others and even rejoice in them. Mind your own business, give your best, and take it for granted that others do the same.
2. Desire for perfectionism. Internally insecure people often overdo it. They are afraid of making a mistake and check everything 100 times. At the same time, they take care of all the details because they want to show that they are excellent – both to themselves and to others.
However, an excessive pursuit of perfection can lead to inefficiency. First, perfection is hard to come by. Second, hardly anyone wants it. It is likely that for the performance of your task, the boss has calculated the resources, including the time, that you have to devote to it, to perform it well, not perfectly.
To suppress your inner self-doubt, you should not overdo it – it will cost you a lot of effort and working hours.
Of course you shouldn’t allow mediocrity. But learn to stop when you have reached the desired result.
3. Desire for approval. People who have doubts about their abilities feel a constant need to receive recognition from others. They need their approval to feed their confidence.
There is a difference here between those who really have reason to distrust their qualities because of bad experiences, and those who are successful but lack self-confidence. Some consult with colleagues and bosses, want to get their approval on how they will work on the task in advance. Others know what to do and do it, but are extremely sensitive when someone criticizes them or does not reward them with enough applause for what they have accomplished.
Everyone needs recognition, but the painful experience of its lack or constant dissatisfaction with its strength is definitely a sign of inner self-doubt. It will help you get rid of it by accepting the thought that you can’t like everyone.
Sometimes, especially in the ministry, you won’t get the praise you deserve for a variety of reasons. Say, because of collegial envy, because of a bad management style, or because of your boss’s reluctance to accompany the praise with another bonus. It’s frustrating, but get used to it valuable to express satisfaction yourself.
It’s great to have others approve of you. Even more important, however, is that you feel good about yourself. This is the key to overcoming inner self-doubt.
Your cost is up to you
A person who is afraid that he is not good enough, and does not realize this as a problem in time, is hindering his self-esteem and development, psychologists point out. It is more difficult for him to recover after a failure, because he is not able to objectively analyze what happened and, above all, he blames himself. When he has a series of misfortunes, he tends to even fall into depression.
The more you experience inner self-doubt and don’t fight it, the more evidence you can find that you’re not good enough, experts explain. “They praised Petrov, not me”, “I could have tested the presentation more”, “Ivanov does not agree with me, so he criticizes me” are all thoughts in this direction. Change your perspective and look for ways to boost your self-esteemrather than reinforcing your fear of not being good enough.
As the boss praises Petrov, remember how elated you felt when he praised you. Tell yourself that the presentation turned out great and thank yourself for doing it. Think that Ivanov wants to help you with his opinion. Even if he doesn’t want to, you will extract the valuable and help yourself thanks to his criticism.
Do not keep your inner self-doubt and fear of not being good enough a deep secret from yourself. Make a list of the things you believe you are strong in and read it every time you doubt yourself. Look around for evidence, remind yourself of your achievements. Seek confirmation of all this from the people who love you, psychologists recommend.
Thus, you will gradually build your self-worth and learn to suppress your inner self-doubt. Every person fears that they may end up in some situation not good enough to handle it. But everyone should be strong enough to know that they will survive failure if and when it happens. He will draw the necessary conclusions and try again, but he will not live in self-pity.
In “The Right Man” you can read more:
5 Confessions You Won’t Hear From Your Boss If you guess them, you increase your chance of success
By getting angry with a colleague, you empower them. Self-control techniques
Why it’s dangerous to pay a “satisfaction tax” at work and when to stop
How to get along with a fellow know-it-all
What is honest selfishness and how it leads to success
Scientifically proven: First point in daily schedule “5 minute smile” changes life
Comfort, stretch and discomfort zones – how they help you succeed at work
Panicker, naysayer, realist, or what is useful anxiety and how it gets you ahead in your career
Eisenhower Principle and Covey Matrix or How to Classify Tasks and Win
Eat the frog – a key principle for efficiency and success at work