2024-07-15 18:10:01
Learn self-control and you won’t screw up a day of your life
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Very little of the events in life depend on chance, claims the American writer Stephen Covey. We have absolutely no control over only 10% of the events in our lives. We cannot prevent a device from breaking, a flight from being delayed. However, we do have influence over how we react in those 10% of events. The remaining 90% of events are usually a direct result of our reactions. In other words, it’s what we do when we’re stressed, Covey explains.
Imagine the following situation.
You have breakfast with your family and you have to leave for work. Your daughter accidentally spills coffee on your white shirt. You jump out of the chair and start yelling at her. Then you turn to your wife and shout at her for putting the cup in the wrong place. You rush to the bedroom to change.
When you return, you find your daughter crying. She neither ate her breakfast nor got ready for school. As a result, he misses the bus. Spouse has an urgent meeting at 8 o’clock. So you are forced to take your daughter to school.
Naturally, there are traffic jams. You are late, you drive fast, you break the rules, you swear at other drivers. Suddenly you realize that you forgot important documents at home and you have to go back.
The day starts terribly and continues the same way, because you go to the office an hour late, and the boss, colleagues, partners frown on you. As for you, angry since early dawn, you are terribly irritated by them and it is no wonder that you let out an ill-considered word.
You can’t wait for the workday to end. You come home, your daughter and spouse are in a bad mood. They haven’t forgotten what happened in the morning, nor has their day been particularly great after the stormy start at home. Because of the tension between you, a fight breaks out over a completely stupid reason.
Why did you have a bad day?
a) Because your daughter spilled coffee.
b) Because your daughter missed the bus and you had to take her to school.
c) Because there was a traffic jam and you were late for work.
d) Because you reacted wrongly to the situation.
Naturally, the correct answer is “d”. You ruined the whole day – yours and the family’s – with your reaction. And the truth is, you couldn’t avoid the spilled coffee, but your reaction to this unpleasantness was completely within your control.
Imagine a completely different situation.
Coffee spills on your shirt. Your daughter screamed. But you say: “No problem, next time be more careful”. You go to the bedroom, calmly change your clothes. Your daughter doesn’t cry, she gets ready and catches the bus to school. You are not irritated, you do not forget to take all your necessary things for work. You say “goodbye” to the spouse with whom you have not been able to fight. You go to the office.
A traffic jam is a traffic jam like every morning, you don’t swear or swear no more than usual. You arrive at the office on time and greet energetically.
These are two different scenarios that start the same way. All the difference lies in your reaction to the spilled coffee. And in general the events over which you have no control.
Learn to react properly to them and to troubles, so you won’t screw up a single day of your life, advises Covey.
If someone overtakes you on the road, let him pass and do not race with him or get angry. What does it matter if you arrive at work a few seconds later? Are you really going to take it easy by insulting him? Or your plane is delayed and your entire schedule for the day is ruined. How about arguing with the airport staff, it’s not their fault. Use your time – read a newspaper or meet other passengers.
You won’t regret it if you don’t forget the 10:90 rule. I.e. if you don’t let one incident beyond your control lead to 9 more troubles.
How to apply in those 10% of cases over which you have no control the maxim “Don’t think bad so you don’t get bad” – read tomorrow.
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