2024-08-01 03:23:56
The secret is to accept that negative people, events and emotions are an inevitable part of everyday life
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“No matter how many times I’ve passed by, there’s still no one,” says a colleague from a neighboring department. There is reproach in his voice.
You are going to get mad.
First, it is not true that there is no one. You sit down and do your homework. Yes, you go to the bathroom every now and then.
Second, even if no one is there, it’s none of his business. He is not your boss, nor do you need to serve him in order for him to do his job.
But don’t berate him, even though your colleague is nagging and self-proclaimed a superior who makes remarks. Don’t even explain yourself to him. You better answer him with some subtle irony. And it is even wiser not to pay any attention to him and immediately forget about the incident.
Wisdom, however, is the privilege of a few, and they most often have no peers, and they are already retired. So let’s go into detail.
You shouldn’t let your co-worker make you angry when he is one of those toxic people who loves to argue. They seek them out because it gives them pleasure in several ways. By making remarks, they feel important. As someone begins to explain themselves to them, they become even more significant in their own eyes. When someone reacts to them with a sharp answer, an argument starts and they can say even more unpleasant things. And they enjoy it and relieve themselves.
You will be more successful at work and live a happier life if you get used to the idea that there are bad people. This is a natural fact, there is no way that among your colleagues they have not been caught by them. And scientists claim that the secret of peace of mind lies in accepting negative people, events and emotions as an inalienable part of everyday life.
By trial and error, people naturally come to this conclusion as they age. They get less angry and suffer less when they encounter bad treatment.
Sociological surveys asking questions about how people of different ages feel every day and the extent to which they accept their emotions have consistently proven that the ability not to “harness” increases with age.
However, you don’t have to wait until you’re old to learn to deal with negativity more calmly. It happens and causes unpleasant feelings. But by forcing yourself to accept these feelings, you will more easily master them and not allow yourself to be destroyed by them. You will be more cool-headed, you will make more correct decisions, your behavior will be more measured and adequate to the situations.
This means, instead of dismissing negative feelings, get used to their existence. Don’t deny what you’re feeling, no matter how bad it sounds, no matter how much you don’t like admitting it to yourself.
For example, in the case of the colleague you experience a complex cocktail of anger, contempt, hatred, annoyance. The purpose of naming is to change your relationship with the negative feeling or feelings. In this way, you engage with the negative emotion, but also manage to overcome it more easily.
Psychologists explain how acceptance works and why it’s helpful. It reduces affect through two related processes.
The first is that you give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge, name and understand your negative emotions. By doing so, you promote self-compassion, and hence psychological and behavioral flexibility.
The second process is that acceptance reduces the “chewing” of negative feelings and the so-called meta emotions. This is what the consequences of the “I’m angry for being angry” type are called. They do not help to deal with the initial negative emotions, but deepen them.
The psychological effects of acceptance are generally lifelike. Everyone knows that anger is a bad counselor. Everyone was terribly nervous, and then said to themselves, “Why did it take so long?”
However, many people fail to actually follow the behavior of acceptance because engaging with the negative emotions at first heightens their subjective experience and suffering. In an acute situation they most often act in one of two opposite ways: they either vent their anger by lashing out or suppress the negative feeling.
It’s both ways equally unproductive from the point of view of social relations and health, psychologists explain. Acceptance is the exact response that can replace both outburst and suppression much more effectively.
The nagging colleague insults you with his remark, belittles your work, the efforts you make, gives some grades, and unfair ones at that, invents a non-existent right to a supervisor. You get affected, you argue with him. And what good? Both you get on your nerves, and the others see something unpleasant for you too – that you are arguing with someone.
If you suppress your anger, you will suffer and be less efficient for a while. No wonder you make a mistake that damages your professional reputation.
Acceptance means naming your feelings: you are offended and angry at this jerk (you can mentally call him whatever insulting names come to your mind, if that’s not fueling your anger, but serving as an outlet). This will increase your suffering. But it is also a kind of expression of emotions, and at the same time you will feel compassion for yourself. This reaction will help you experience negative feelings more easily.
However, you should not fall into self-pity, but show flexibility – quickly get rid of the insult and anger.
What will you achieve by continuing? You are harassing yourself, nothing will happen to the fool.
When you allow someone else to control how you think, feel, or behave, you give them power over you. (By getting angry with a colleague, you empower them. Self-control techniques)
So you shouldn’t let negative comments affect you. If someone has a habit of spewing them, decide not to let them take up too much space in your life. (Taming feelings in 90 seconds ensures peace and success at work) Commit to making your day good even when your co-worker is nagging, sarcastic, rude. Reframe thoughts that upset you, take deep breaths to stay calm, and distance yourself from the situationpsychologists recommend.
This does not mean weakness. On the contrary, mentally strong people realize that it is better to ignore someone rather than enter into any communication with them.
You can respond to a nagging colleague by comparing him to the ground. You can also be murderously sarcastic. But you know your values and it’s your priority to live by them. Maintaining your integrity is the key to your self-confidence. Therefore, as much as you are tempted, do not allow yourself to fall to the level of your colleague.
Productive behavior is to activate your instinct for self-preservation and your sense of self-worth so that you don’t have negative feelings towards toxic people because it becomes a threat to your health and inner peace.
————- Since they are a whole nasty company ————-
If the nagging coworker is just one, you can probably put up with it somehow. The problem is if you end up on a team with a lot of them. Then the environment is harmful and it is more reasonable to look for another place so as not to ruin your career and health.
Research on work relationships shows that in such an atmosphere people are not productive. They waste energy trying to predict the intentions of others, getting angry at their actions and words, responding to them.
Thus they accumulate mental fatigue. It is not only harmful to health, but also changes their behavior. They begin to find it difficult to control their impulses and regulate their emotions. They accept that they should act on the principle “whatever called, that’s what called”.
After all, bad team behavior turns out to be contagious. And the higher the toxicity density, as the experts call it, the more likely you are to catch from it.
In “The Right Man” you can read more:
A sure path to (failure) – the smart know when to give up, the stupid is endlessly stubborn
10 sentences that are music to the ears of the boss
Work brings you happiness? Unlikely. Seek meaning and you will succeed
How important is skirt and tie length for a good first impression
As a preacher, prosecutor, politician or scientist, you also think about what gets you ahead at work
The shock of seeing after 10-20 years that you got the profession wrong
Techniques for asking for a promotion without fear of rejection
The impostor syndrome – an insidious virus that most infects the intelligent
A messy desk – big obstacles to career success
When the boss presents your ideas as his own
7 deadly sins of partying with business partners