2024-10-10 14:00:00
If you always feel like that special someone’s plan B, you’re probably suffering from benching. Find out how to identify this practice and what you can do to overcome it in the healthiest and most effective way.
Last update: October 10, 2024
Although the term bench It is quite recent, the practice itself is as old as human relationships. In essence, It happens when someone makes you feel like you’re on the sidelines in an emotional relationship.: You are never his first choice, but you are always at his disposal.
Recognize the signs of bench It is crucial to make informed decisions about your emotional well-being. If you suspect that you are facing this situation, continue reading: in this article we show you how to identify it and what steps to follow to overcome it.
What is the bench?
The term comes from English on the benchwhich means “to be on the bench” and is used in sports to describe players who are on the reserve. In the context of relationships, the bench It refers to when someone keeps you in a state of waiting, knowing that you will be available when they need you, while they continue to explore other options or do not fully commit to you.
But how does it manifest itself? In this practice, the person maintains minimal contact, communicating sporadically and briefly so that the other person does not completely lose interest. However, it doesn’t go beyond those superficial interactions. This lack of emotional responsibility generates negative consequences for the affected person, leaving them in a state of uncertainty and disappointment.
Him bench It is more common in relationships that are just beginning, as they have not yet reached a clear or defined level of commitment. It is also common in long-distance couples or those who do not live together.
Furthermore, according to research, such as that published in International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, In the world of dating apps, the bench It often appears together with other techniques such as breadcrumbs or the ghost.
Because someone does it bench?
It’s natural to wonder what motivates a person to keep that bond “on hold.” Is this a conscious action or is there some malicious intent behind it? Actually, The reasons may vary depending on the person and the situationas every relationship is different. However, some of the most common causes include:
- Management to your advantage. Sometimes the person who exercises bench He does not seek to establish a serious relationship, but finds it convenient to maintain minimal contact to obtain some advantage, emotional or practical, without committing himself.
- Validation research. For some, having more people interested can be a way to feed their ego or feel appreciated. In these cases, this practice serves as a way to receive ongoing attention, without the effort of a real relationship.
- Insecurity or fear of commitment. Sometimes, who does bench You are insecure about your feelings or afraid of the idea of a more serious relationship. Not wanting to completely lose the other person, you choose to keep them aside.
7 signs they are doing you bench
There are several signs that your emotional interest may be making you believe them bench. These signals do not always appear all together, but their combination gives a clear idea of the situation. Some of the most common signs are:
1. Communication is intermittent
When there is real interest between both parties, communication is constant and sustained. One sign of this phenomenon is when messages are sporadic and somewhat unpredictable (for example, very late at night or only on weekends).
2. Make excuses and cancel plans
a person who does it bench You often cancel or postpone plans, often with last-minute excuses. Excuses tend to be varied, from unexpected commitments to personal problems that arise just before meetings.
3. There is no progress in the relationship
A healthy relationship tends to evolve over time. If after a considerable period of interaction you don’t feel like there’s any progress or it feels like things are still stuck in the same place, it could be another sign.
4. Respond evasively
People who apply this strategy often respond vaguely when asked about the future of the relationship or their feelings. Your answers may be ambiguous, causing more confusion than clarity. Conversations, meanwhile, tend to be more superficial and less deep.
5. It was amazing
A key feature of bench It’s the inconsistency. Sometimes the person seems very interested, writes to you with enthusiasm or shows a lot of affection, but suddenly distances himself without explanation.
6. Availability is on your terms
Those who keep another in reserve are usually available only when it suits them. This means that contacts, appointments or interactions happen according to their agenda, without taking into account your needs or desires.
7. You feel second-hand
When someone is doing you benchIt’s common to feel like you’re never a priority in their life. There always seems to be something or someone more important, whether it’s work, friends, or even other love interests. Despite being present in his life, you occupy a secondary place. It’s like I always have plan B.
consequences of bench
Him bench It has a long list of negative consequences for the person who suffers from it. It’s like having an “almost something” where lack of clarity and generation of expectations are constant. This situation creates an environment of uncertainty and frustration.
Guide to deal bench
If you feel like that person’s second choice and notice that there is no interest on their part in moving forward in the relationship, you can address the situation and try to handle it in the healthiest way possible.
Reflect on the relationship
The first step is to recognize the type of relationship you have with this couple. Ask yourself what kind of bond you want to have with that person and if this is reflected in reality. This will help you identify whether the person meets your needs and expectations.
Speak sincerely
Find a good time to let him know how you feel. As we have established, the bench it doesn’t always have a malicious undertone; Sometimes it is the result of a lack of honest communication and even immaturity. Ask him how he feels about you and what he is looking for in the relationship.. Clarity can help resolve misunderstandings and define the direction of the relationship.
Don’t force the situation
If after expressing your feelings the person responds evasively, perhaps it’s time to accept that they’re not willing to commit or be transparent. In that case, it’s best to set some boundaries and consider saying goodbye. Forcing the situation can lead to a toxic relationship, where imbalance and lack of clarity only increase emotional stress..
Lean on your loved ones
Ask friends and family for help during this process. Talking to them about what you’re experiencing can give you a different perspective and help you process your emotions.
Seek psychological help
If the emotional impact of bench This is profound, seek professional help. A therapist can offer you tools to process your feelings, improve your self-esteem, and develop strategies to manage the situation effectively.
Learn to identify the bench and opt for healthier relationships
The five “Cs” of love – affection, trust, connection, contact and communication – are essential to a healthy relationship. Furthermore, reciprocity is essential for these qualities to manifest themselves genuinely. We encourage you to prioritize your well-being and seek relationships where these principles are reflected in practice and not just in words.
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