How to learn to accept what we cannot change – Health and Medicine

by time news

2024-10-22 12:23:00

Assuming there are matters in life over which we have no influence is tricky. New therapies teach us to admit this reality.

While Suffering is a possible human condition, Western society pushes us to escape it. The idea is conveyed that to live it is necessary to avoid the presence of certain thoughts, memories or sensations related to discomfort. Furthermore, the message that an immediate solution to the problems must be found was also reinforced. It’s true that there are some that are easy to solve, such as choosing which dye to apply or which film to watch at the cinema… But there are other problematic contexts. It’s hard to accept that they left you, that you can no longer have children, that you failed an exam you’ve been preparing for for a long time, or that you can’t run marathons again due to heart disease. What is worse admitted has to do with health, love, family, the economy… In these contexts, looking for an immediate solution can be even more frustrating.

In recent years, research on psychological therapies has increased, based on the idea that there is a degree of suffering inherent in life that cannot be eliminated and that attempting to put an end to it can cause psychological disorders. The objective of these therapies is not so much to reduce internal events (worries, fears, sadness…) but rather to accept them by modifying the relationship you have with your thoughts and emotions. The idea is for people to take back control of their lives despite the discomfort. This will result in a better state of mind.

For these objectives, the use of metaphors is proposed. For example, the bus question is posed, in which the subject is told whether he is capable of maintaining the direction of his bus towards what matters to him in life despite passengers trying to permanently boycott him with messages predicting failure. To know where to direct the bus, metaphors such as the garden are used to clarify the directions that the person wants to take in their life in different areas (work, family, friendship, free time…). The person is told that it is not easy to take care of the plants because in the gardens there are usually weeds that the more they are pulled out the more they grow. Non-acceptance has more to do with the obsession with eradicating weeds while forgetting to cultivate the plants themselves. There are books to think about these ideas and put them into practical terms, such as Manual to release. Practicing radical acceptance of dialectical behavior therapy, the clinical psychologist Joaquim Soler, the How to reduce suffering with acceptance and awareness, by psychiatrist Javier García Campayo. They focus on doing something valuable in life and learning to distance themselves.

Thaïs Tiana Sastre, psychologist at the Hospital de la Santa Creu i Sant Pau, underlines that the important thing to incorporate these ideas would be to be aware of when we do not accept them. It appears in the form of reflections: “If I hadn’t had this father”, “I should have done that”, “until this pain goes away, I won’t be able to swim anymore”. The person, instead of actually being in the world, is in his thoughts or reasoning oriented towards the past or the future. When we accept, we open ourselves to allowing, to following the flow, to letting go… Non-acceptance, on the other hand, is linked to closing ourselves off to what happens in life, to opposing it, to going against the flow, holding on… .

There would be different levels of acceptance. The mental and emotional are promoted by focusing our attention on the present moment. But not only that. Second Manual to release, Understanding that there are causes to what happens, that the universe is as it is and has no intentionality, and not resisting the pain when something naturally causes it helps you mentally orient yourself towards acceptance. Noticing physical tension, knowing how to relax and let go physically helps acceptance in its emotional component.

Finally, behaving consistently with acceptance, acting as if you admit it, even if you don’t feel that way emotionally, would be the third level. This, behavioral acceptance, consists of becoming active by performing an action opposite to the emotion: that is, having an action plan linked to personal interests and values ​​regardless of one’s mood. If I completely accepted this situation now, how would I behave in that case?

The permanent escape from the suffering inherent in life and the search for immediate solutions to what cannot be remedied can be among the reasons why professional help is requested. Once you eliminate this need to escape, you can engage in activities you set as helpful goals and learn that the problem isn’t your negative thoughts, but how you react to them. When you choose to accept. Especially if you know how to do it and if you have a clear idea of ​​the plants you need to care for in your personal garden. Accepting is not something passive, but something tremendously active and must be cultivated with intention. Acceptance must be in service of what matters to someone in life. Patricia Fernandez Martin

#learn #accept #change #Health #Medicine

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