Peter, 27: Dear Mr. Lenné, I met a woman, I think she’s great, but she seems a lot smarter than I am. That intimidates me. She also has a great career. What do you say from practice? Can a man who is not quite as smart and successful as a woman be happy in a relationship?
Dear Peter, you’re doubly lucky. First, because you’ve fallen in love with an amazing woman, and apparently she has fallen in love with you, too. And secondly, because the pressure on us men to be more successful than our women is decreasing more and more.
In my parents’ generation (1925), women were still urged to be a “good match”. “Good match” meant marrying at least half a social step up, better yet a whole social step up. The girls were trained to be good housewives and mothers. And for the marriage bed there was still the concept of “marital duties”.
Many men today are also looking for the small, soft life
The boys should be successful in the world and assert themselves. The roles were clearly divided. Up until the 1990s, it was normal for the chief physician to marry the nurse. Thankfully, that’s slowly changing.
More and more women are pushing their way up the career ladder and are reaching the top. More girls than boys are now graduating from high school. Women are predominantly financially independent. In my practice, the proportion of couples where the woman is just as successful or more successful in her job is steadily increasing.
Many men today are also looking for the small, soft life, for example with their children – the “rough guys” for whom career is more important than anything are becoming rarer. Little by little, we men become more complete in a healthy way. But that also means that we have to redefine our own self-worth.
Professional success alone is no longer enough. Given this development, it’s understandable that you’re a little intimidated. However, the necessary attraction between lovers depends less and less on the careers or intelligence of the two. Partners can take a closer look at what they enjoy and where they want to go in life. My questions are, “What does your girlfriend find attractive about you?” Take your time and think about it a little. talk to her about it Next: “What do you need in the relationship to be happy?” – “What does your girlfriend need to be happy with you?” Take your time, think about it for a while and talk to her about it.