From Louisiana to NYC: How Saying “Yes” Can Transform a Big City Dream
A move to a vibrant metropolis often represents a pursuit of adventure and self-discovery, but the reality can be starkly different from the idealized vision. For one corporate lawyer, a pivotal book offered a pathway to not just survive, but thrive, in the challenging landscape of New York City.
Many harbor romanticized notions of big city life, fueled by popular culture’s portrayal of endless opportunities and excitement. Yet, the transition from a smaller town to a bustling urban center can be profoundly disorienting. This was the experience of Nwadi Oko, a lawyer who relocated from Louisiana to New York City in 2022, seeking a new chapter.
“I used to live in New Orleans,” Oko explained, recalling a slower pace of life and a strong sense of community. “Everyone is really kind, and it’s kind of a slow life.” New York City, notoriously fast-paced and often perceived as less overtly welcoming, presented a significant contrast. Oko quickly realized the glamorous lifestyle often depicted in media – reminiscent of characters like Carrie Bradshaw or Maxine Shaw – wasn’t immediately attainable. The gap between her expectations and her lived experience began to take a toll.
“It was a lot all at once,” Oko shared. “I was working in corporate law. So, that’s, like, insane [in itself]. I’m in this new city, and I have family here but really not a lot of friends, and I found myself in this depression. I was in a car with one of my friends, who’s also a lawyer, and I was telling her, ‘I’m depressed. I’ve been in New York for two and a half years, and I’m just not living the life I want to live.’”
A friend suggested Shonda Rhimes’ memoir, Year of Yes. Initially skeptical – “I was like, ‘Okay, I’m telling you I’m struggling, and you suggest reading a book. Got it,’” Oko admitted – she ultimately decided to give it a chance in April. While the initial sections focusing on Rhimes’ family and career challenges didn’t immediately resonate, the latter half of the book sparked a profound shift in perspective.
“The second half of the book really shifted my perspective about the way she perceives choice,” Oko said. “Everything is a choice, and by saying ‘yes’ to something, I’m saying no to so many other things.” This realization became a catalyst for change.
Oko began to consciously evaluate her choices, recognizing how seemingly small decisions could have significant consequences. She identified unproductive habits, such as spending hours scrolling through TikTok instead of prioritizing sleep. “And me saying ‘yes’ to TikTok means saying no to a good night’s sleep, repairing my brain, not protecting my mental health,” she explained. She also connected with Rhimes’ discussion of prioritizing long-term well-being over immediate gratification, particularly in relation to diet and lifestyle. “I feel like this book was all about vision, perception, and prioritizing your future you. And so, I started implementing those changes myself.”
Inspired by Rhimes’ approach, Oko began actively saying “yes” to opportunities she would typically decline. “So, if I was sitting on the couch and I was like, ‘I don’t want to work out,’ I would immediately put on my shoes, go to the gym.” She also rekindled a childhood passion, returning to the piano. “I played piano as a kid, and then my piano teacher switched careers, and I didn’t end up looking for another one. But I recently started playing again, and it’s brought me so much joy and so much confidence.”
Perhaps the most significant transformation has been Oko’s newfound ability to cultivate a social life in her new city. “I used to just, like, sit around and be like, ‘No one’s gonna hit me up.’ But now, it’s like, ‘No, put your shoes on, go outside, and make friends. Put yourself out there, and say ‘yes’ to your social life.’”
The challenge of making friends as an adult is a common experience, differing significantly from the ease of forming connections in college. “You have to create your own opportunities and put yourself out there,” Oko emphasized. “By me texting my friends and saying, ‘Hey, do you want to get dinner?’ I’m giving people the opportunity to say ‘yes’ to me as opposed to just waiting for someone.” She acknowledged overcoming a deep-seated fear of rejection, a fear that diminished as she actively engaged with her surroundings. “In the book, she talked about [the fear of] people not liking her or not doing a good job, and I had an almost crippling fear of rejection. Once I started putting myself out there, it got easier and easier, and I realized there’s actually nothing to be afraid of.”
Oko’s story serves as a powerful reminder that achieving a fulfilling life in a new environment requires proactive effort, a willingness to embrace change, and the courage to say “yes” – not just to opportunities, but to the possibility of building a life that truly resonates.
