Keeley Hazell Memoir Details Violent Brawl Between Ex-Boyfriend and Soccer Star Joe Cole
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The new memoir from “Ted Lasso” actress and writer Keeley Hazell, Everyone’s Seen My T-ts, is sending shockwaves through British media, revealing a tumultuous 2006 incident involving her then-boyfriend and former soccer star Joe Cole. Hazell’s book, which was released on Aug. 26, offers a raw and unvarnished look at personal events that shaped her life, including a harrowing confrontation and a subsequent act of revenge porn.
In a deeply personal account, Keeley Hazell, 38, recounts a violent 2006 altercation that erupted when her former partner, identified in the book as “Theo,” discovered British soccer star Joe Cole in her bed. The Daily Mail has since reported that “Theo” is actually former soccer player and bodybuilder Lloyd Miller. The memoir provides a compelling, first-hand narrative of the events that led to a dramatic and physically aggressive confrontation.
Keeley Hazell with her new memoir, “Everyone’s Seen My Tits.”
https://www.instagram.com/keeleyhazell/
The Ill-Fated Night: From London’s West End to a Southeast London Home
The incident began one night in 2006, when Cole, then a rising star in English football, became heavily intoxicated at the Embassy Club in London’s West End with his teammates. Hazell and a friend intervened, ensuring Cole safely made it into a cab and was taken to Hazell’s parents’ home in Southeast London. After helping Cole into bed, Hazell, a former Page 3 Girl, was unexpectedly contacted by Miller, who informed her he was en route to retrieve his car key from her house.
As Hazell described the tense moments awaiting Miller’s arrival, she noted, “Before I could mentally untangle myself, he arrived.” She recounted trying to maintain composure while internally grappling with the fear that Cole might awaken and “ruin my life.” However, when Miller pressed her about her evening, Hazell opted for complete honesty. She cited her inability to lie when drunk and the overwhelming burden of concealing the truth as reasons for quickly divulging the night’s “madness.”
Keeley Hazell in an Instagram photo.
https://www.instagram.com/keeleyhazell/
Confrontation and Chaos: Miller Discovers Cole
Unconvinced by Hazell’s explanation, Miller proceeded upstairs to verify her story. Hazell, with her friend Patsy, waited in the kitchen. She recalled hearing a “loud bang from upstairs,” followed by voices. Rushing to investigate, Hazell witnessed a scene she described as “horror.”
“That’s when I saw Theo on top of JC, throwing punches at JC’s head,” Hazell wrote, using Cole’s initials. “JC’s arms flailed, trying to shove Theo off, but Theo kept pinning him down, landing punch after punch.” Hazell recounted Cole curling into a ball, shielding his head, as Miller continued his assault. She screamed at Miller to stop, fearing he would kill Cole. The fight, far from a “scrappy little bar fight,” left Cole bruised and bleeding, his shirt ripped. Cole eventually managed to retaliate, and a struggle ensued before he escaped the house.
When Hazell confronted Miller about his actions, he allegedly responded, “Man needs to learn a lesson. You don’t sleep in my girl’s bed… simple as.” Miller then left the house, taking his car key. The following day, Joe Cole appeared in tabloid newspapers with a black eye, a direct consequence of the nocturnal brawl. Hazell noted that the press sensationalized the event, reporting a false narrative that she had hosted a party for the entire England football team at her council estate.
Miller’s Perspective and Broader Revelations
Lloyd Miller, now 39, who lives in Kent, England, with his girlfriend and their four daughters, reportedly expressed surprise at the inclusion of the 2006 fight in Hazell’s book. According to a recent interview with the Daily Mail, Miller stated, “It happened a long time ago, I’m a changed man now. We all change over time, and I have mellowed a lot. A lot went on that night and I’ve no interest in what happened.”
Beyond the dramatic altercation, Hazell’s memoir delves into further traumatic experiences. She alleges that her former partner, “Theo” (Miller), released a sex tape of them in 2007 as an act of revenge porn after their breakup. This claim adds another layer of profound personal violation to Hazell’s narrative.
“What he did wasn’t just humiliating — it was devastating,” Hazell detailed, as reported by US Weekly. “He violated me in a way that was unforgivable, and I couldn’t stop it.” The actress described the video’s rapid spread online as a “highly contagious disease,” leading to “insurmountable” pain and public humiliation, compounded by the world’s assumption that she consented to its release.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits: Stories and Reflections From an Unlikely Feminist is out now, promising a candid exploration of Keeley Hazell memoir experiences from a prominent figure who has navigated both the glamour and darker sides of public life. Hazell’s story shines a light on the personal costs of fame and the enduring impact of betrayal, making her memoir a critical read for understanding celebrity culture and privacy.
