Живой человек рядом хорошему сну не помощник
Couples hoping for a blissful night’s sleep may want to reconsider sharing a bed. A study from the University of Vienna found that while men generally sleep soundly next to their partners, women experience more disrupted sleep.
A One-Sided Affair
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The research involved 10 young, stable couples who spent 10 nights sleeping separately and then 10 nights together. Sleep quality was tracked using an actigraph—a device similar to a wristwatch that monitors movement during sleep, recording periods of wakefulness and rest. Researchers know that people tend to move more during light and rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, while remaining relatively still during deep sleep.
Participants also kept sleep diaries to subjectively assess their rest. The findings? “The actigraph recorded that sharing a bed with a partner had a negative effect on women’s sleep. This was also reported in the diaries by the participants themselves,” the study, published in the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms, stated.
Interestingly, intimacy before bed slightly lessened women’s dissatisfaction. However, the actigraph didn’t detect any changes in sleep quality related to sexual activity.
Men, on the other hand, slept worse when alone and enjoyed better sleep when sharing a bed with their partner, reporting no complaints.
But how can couples navigate this disparity to ensure both partners get a good night’s rest?
Motherhood Mode Engaged
“Men generally have deeper sleep and snore more, and their movements more often disturb their partner,” explains psychologist-sexologist Maria Belan. “Women’s sleep is evolutionarily more sensitive, linked to the need to respond to a child’s needs. This trait makes women more vulnerable to disturbances in adulthood. Unequal distribution of household and emotional burdens adds to the problem, preventing anxious women from relaxing even at night.”
Psychologist-sexologist Vera Vyatkina agrees with Belan.
“Historically, men used a ‘combat’ sleep style: fall asleep quickly, wake up quickly. Being next to a partner signals safety, leading to deeper sleep,” Vyatkina explains. “Women are accustomed to sleeping more alertly, reacting to sounds, movements, and changes in breathing. Furthermore, a woman lying with a partner often continues to think, analyze, and relive the day.”
Other factors contribute to a woman’s disrupted sleep next to a man:
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Differences in body temperature: men tend to run warmer;
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Male snoring, sighing, and irregular breathing;
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Different sleep phases;
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Female anxiety and heightened responsibility.
It’s Not So Simple
Vera Vyatkina isn’t entirely convinced by the study’s conclusions: “When a couple has trust, emotional closeness, a sense of security, support, and love, a woman’s sleep stabilizes.”
According to Vyatkina, a woman feels relaxed, desired, and accepted next to a loving partner, leading to deeper sleep. The greater the level of physical and emotional intimacy, the more pronounced the calming effect.
“The issue isn’t the man himself, but the quality of the connection between you,” the expert adds.
The main takeaway is not to flee the bedroom. Instead, address the factors preventing a woman from relaxing: body tension, mental overload, unspoken issues, and a lack of inner support.
How to Actually Get Some Sleep: Practical Hacks
Maria Belan offered several tips for better sleep alongside a partner:
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Separate blankets—no more fighting over the covers, and your partner’s nighttime movements won’t disturb you;
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Orthopedic pillows of varying firmness and a mattress with good motion isolation will minimize physical discomfort;
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Consult a sleep specialist: if snoring is the issue, rule out sleep apnea.
“Establish a relaxing evening ritual before bed to escape hypercontrol. This could include meditation, breathing exercises, or simply an hour of quiet time before sleep,” the specialist advises.
What If You Sleep Separately?
Seems like a logical solution. But will it harm the relationship?
“Separate beds and rooms are a matter of sleep hygiene, not relationships,” Maria Belan asserts. “If other measures don’t help and sleep remains disrupted, leaving you feeling exhausted in the morning, separate sleep is a rational choice.”
However, this step should be a mutual decision, not an ultimatum. It’s also important to compensate by increasing tactile and emotional contact at other times: hugs, massages, rituals of intimacy before or after sleep.
Thus, separate sleep won’t be detrimental if the couple consciously replenishes intimacy in other ways.
Vera Vyatkina believes separate sleep is perfectly normal if:
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your partner snores heavily;
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a child sleeps nearby;
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you have different work schedules;
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the woman is experiencing hormonal fluctuations.
“But if a woman leaves because it’s more peaceful, because there won’t be male emotions, grievances, offenses, and coldness, then the problem isn’t sleep,” Vyatkina explains.
3 Recipes for Fast Sleep
In addition to basic sleep hygiene—including avoiding screens at least an hour before bed and maintaining a proper bedroom climate—you can try a few more hacks to fall asleep faster.
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Eye-shooting—remarkably, with your eyes closed. Lie down, relax, close your eyes, and start “looking” almost like a classic flirting scheme: right, left, up, down, then in a circle. Those who have tried the method say that repeating it three times is enough to fall asleep;
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cognitive shuffle—a technique for mixing thoughts that distracts the brain from dwelling on pressing problems and replaying the events of the day. You need to take any word that doesn’t evoke a strong emotional response from you and come up with five to ten more words for each letter of that word. For example, “tree”: come up with five words for “e”, then for “l”, and so on;
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dreaming up a dream—a simple and pleasant method. You need to think through the details of a dream you would like to see. It doesn’t have to be realistic; it can include magic and fantasy. The main thing is to have as many details as possible.
