Hey. You’re me. I’m you. I’m a little more learning from experience (including romantic) from you, that’s all. And maybe a little less obsessive than you. And a little bit different in my perceptions. Well, at least I didn’t go down without explaining myself first. Keep it close to your heart – I ask. It will serve you in the future. It will remind you exactly what you are worth: where you have been, and where you want or do not want to go back.
So … to ‘you’, to myself,
More on Perugi’s relationship channel:
You wake up in the morning with the other half of the bed empty, and go to bed thinking about who could have filled it. Of course no name or face comes to mind. And in between: a lot of loneliness and wondering: where can one find one? And in one such I mean someone, a guy, similar to me, and a little different, who will love me healthy and honest love and I him. On the face of it this sounds awfully simple: only one person is needed. But until you get to this one you sometimes have to go through so much sailing: trolls who equip you reluctantly with intimate (immediate) pictures, heartbreaks and those who pretend to love you and in fact – only love themselves. And this loop just repeats itself.
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This search feels pointless, and you’re asking yourself maybe it’s worth choosing the “loose” approach. I mean, maybe instead of “pressuring the world” to give you help against you (and for you), you should just let things work out on their own and the right guy will just come? So you sit there, realizing that you have been staring at the wall for five seconds in complete wonder, only to decide at the end between yourself that things do not come if you do not aim for them. So you’re trying a different approach. You start asking companies: How does it work? I mean: How did they find a relationship? What is the secret of their magic? So they look at you with a look reminiscent of a mother’s gaze into the eyes of her baby house (and maybe I’m really a baby who knows nothing about how to start looking for love – I do not deny). They say they were just lucky that the right guy showed up just like that: in class, in class, through a friend who knows the one who knows the one who knows the special one. And somewhere you curse them for improving their luck and on the other hand want to be just like them.
You arrive home, fall on the couch, and suddenly all this desperate search for love seems so pathetic to you. You pull out the phone with the ‘notebook’ cover that usually characterizes grandmothers (it was a mistake to entrust Dad with the task of finding a shield for a 17-year-old girl) and order a delivery of Walt. You’re sure you’re completely free of the need for someone else, because now you’re starting to settle for yourself. You begin to open your heart – to yourself. “It’s time,” you think. Your back is spread along the couch until you fall to the ground. The floor suddenly becomes so cold. You return to the couch and an exciting kiss scene appears on the TV screen. You cool off looking at the phone with your invitation from Walt and asking yourself: “What if the courier is my big opportunity?”. You put on your highest quality perfume and turn the dirt you are into Cinderella, just until the magic is completely gone. Then – a ring on the intercom. Another moment is here. You cling to the door and after three knocks, you wait five seconds (trying to play it hard to get) and then open the door. The heart begins to beat. Maybe there will be success here? And … Okay, no. It’s just a bearded grandfather.
© adobestock illustration
You look at this grandfather in front of you and the expectation is replaced by the inevitable ridicule. And for a moment, this discouraging chase seems to you terribly funny. You and the meal of corruption that the apostle gave you obscure the despair, and flood all the joy that is in the world. It’s some incomprehensible, unresolved matter: where did all this happiness come from? So yeah: it might be nice that this one tells you about the one who knows the one who knows your other half. Can be. This does not mean that it happens to everyone. But it will happen somehow. at the end. You look up (directed at your kings meal) at EL AL and realize that on the TV screen, which is usually projected with just sticky kisses, a farewell scene is now being projected. With the tears, the pain and everything. The scene is quite ironic considering that just a few minutes ago a romantic kiss was screened. This dissonance entertains you, and you feel some victory. Not because the couple’s relationship on screen was ruined (well, maybe even), but because you learned an important lesson today.
Love is the best remedy for human despair, any kind of love: also (and mostly and perhaps only) self-love. You look in the mirror and realize that you’re actually good enough on your own (and much more than enough, you wow). Maybe you would change something here and there but all in all you are missing nothing. You’re almost perfect. You Solomon (which is quite enough). You love the figure reflected in the mirror. Really loving, no regrets. And it is no longer half, but whole. So you lie down in your “empty” bed (which seems so full now). The “oh, the other half of the bed is empty again” becomes “what fun it is to sleep diagonally and not be afraid of the breath that may come out of me during sleep.” You do not know how you will wake up in the morning, but you feel like you played it today. You pat yourself on the back (“Good job, girl”), smile at your satisfied smile, and finally come to a real calm. Maybe eternal, maybe not. And it’s okay even if not – you already understand the question of life: consecutive ups and downs. So maybe it’s not eternal – this relaxation. “And that’s okay,” you think. Because what is eternal in this life? You accept that this relaxation may only be there until the next time the need to chase after something (or someone) strikes. And can be, just maybe, by chance: that this something is already on its way to you. You are reading another chapter in your boring novel about a couple of Morona lovers who are in love in a sticky and a bit repulsive way already throughout 100 pages. How absurd. You are laughing. And your head drops to the pillow with maximum fatigue. good night Princess.
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PS: Do you understand that today you learned that the answer to the question “Where? Hell? Will I find love? ‘She’s right here, inside you (because it’s always nice to end with a cliché, isn’t it?).