Lucel ten Have (53) lives in Varsseveld (Gelderland) with husband Jürgen, with whom she has three adult children. The eldest two are studying and have left home. She previously worked 25 hours a week as a travel advisor, but after a corona infection she had to deal with lung covid. She wrote a book about her experiences, the misunderstanding and
‘When I woke up in ICU, I felt ninety-one instead of fifty-one’
‘Before I became ill in March 2020, I did a lot of sports: running and mountain biking. I had a busy job and an active life. When I woke up in the ICU in early May of that year, I felt ninety-one instead of fifty-one. I had to relearn everything, including breathing, swallowing and talking. I was used to going for full, now I have to learn to go for half.
I didn’t think about corona at all when I got sick. For me, this included concepts such as old, overweight and underlying suffering. Up to three times I went to the corona center – you could not go to the general practitioner. They’ve sent me home twice, like, sick but get out, you’ll get over it.
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‘The third time I was so sick that I couldn’t sit on a chair in the waiting room’
There were no tests at the time, we were not sure whether it was corona. The third time I was so sick that I couldn’t sit on a chair in the waiting room; I lay down on the floor. Measurements showed how bad I was. That was on April 6. What happened next has largely passed me by.
Fortunately, my husband Jürgen kept a detailed diary, in which he also described daily life at home and how he and the children were doing. On April 10, I went to the ICU and was put into a coma. On May 5 they woke me up again.
“When they first put me up, I collapsed like a plum pudding”
I then spent a month in a rehabilitation center working on my basic recovery. I couldn’t do anything anymore. If you don’t use your muscles for a month, you will lose about 75 percent of them. I had lost 10 kilos, all muscle mass. When they first put me up, I collapsed like a plum pudding; such a strange sensation.
‘I couldn’t do more than move my hands and nod my head lightly’
After I regained consciousness, I developed delirium. Reality and delusion alternated. Those hallucinations were real to me. For example, I was at a village festival and I was stuck. I had to free myself by answering questions. That took about five days. It was scary and lonely. I didn’t understand what was going on and I couldn’t ask anything. All I could do was move my hands slightly and nod my head lightly.
During the coma I had to fight physically, but from waking up I also had to fight mentally. When people ask me what was the worst of all, it was that.
It doesn’t bother me anymore, I’ve learned how to put it into perspective. It is well organized in the Netherlands: there was a whole team to help me, including a psychologist. I am well guided. And writing my book also helped me process.
With the help of Jürgen’s wonderful diary I have listed everything step by step and piece by piece. At first for myself. Later I thought: maybe it can be useful for people in a similar situation.
“First they said six months to recover, later it became two years”
Still no one knows how it will go on. At first they said six months to recover, later it became two years. Running became walking and mountain biking became cycling on my e-bike.
It still is. I’m physically fine, but my brain shuts down if I exert too much. Then I have to rest first. I used to be a fanatic, now I’m more satisfied. Sometimes I wonder if I still want the speed of my old life at all. I enjoy it more intensely than before.
‘Accepting that getting corona is just bad luck was hard for me’
But the valleys I went through before I could think this were deep. Accepting that getting corona is just bad luck was hard for me. But I can do it. I used to slam a door sometimes. I have become much more patient.
I had to say goodbye to my work because I was on sick leave for more than two years. My goal is to find a job in healthcare or in another place where I can do something for others. I will also give lectures about my experiences with corona, based on my book.
‘When I see where I come from, I am overjoyed and happy that I have come this far’
I have worked hard on my rehabilitation. My sports mentality was an advantage. I keep working to improve and if it doesn’t get better, then so be it. When I see where I come from, I am overjoyed and happy that I have come this far.’
Breathtaking by Lucel ten Have costs € 22
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