We all have an inner child. That’s the innocent, vulnerable “little you.” Although it is full of wonder, curiosity and creativity, our inner child can also harbor repressed traumas, fears and painful memories, which can still influence our current lives.
That is why it is important that you become aware of your inner child. But how do you do that?
Craving for love
Your inner child is emotional rather than rational, feeling rather than thinking. But as we mature, we often become disconnected from our inner child. As a result, we are not always aware of our emotional needs or why we do what we do.
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If we are not aware of the needs of our inner child, and if we do not hear his or her voice, we can unconsciously act like that inner child in relationships.
Then we can see others as a source of lovenurturing, protection and acceptance, which the child in us craves so much.
Signs Your Inner Child Has Been Wounded:
- a deep-seated belief that you are damaged;
- separation anxiety and the fear of losing someone you love;
- feeling insecure or feeling that you are not good enough;
- low self-esteem and negative self-talk;
- losing yourself for trying to gain the approval of others;
- fear of setting boundaries or saying ‘no’;
- seeking immediate gratification through narcotics, shopping, distraction, and procrastination.
Unconsciously destructive
If we are not aware of our inner child, we expect our partners to give us everything we never got from our parents as children. And while relationships can be healing and very fulfilling, (unfortunately!) they can’t be all missing pieces from our childhood to fill or change the past.
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So when our partners don’t live up to these expectations, we relive the pain over and over and sometimes unconsciously behave destructively. Often we are also completely unaware that our wounded inner child is the one who is doing all this.
The injured child in relationships:
- finds it difficult to understand and express emotions;
- expects a partner to know what he or she wants without telling it;
- silences a partner when he or she is hurt or upset rather than talking about it;
- does not take into account the experience of his or her partner and expects that he or her always gives him or her space;
- yells, yells, attacks, or throws a tantrum when upset;
- is self-centered during conflict and finds it difficult to consider other options.
Integrated adult
So in order to be more ourselves in relationships, we need to be aware of our inner child. We need to listen to his or her fears, dreams and desires, find out what past traumas or memories may be healed, and take care of our inner child.
When a healthy dialogue is established between our inner child and our adult selves, we become a so-called ‘integrated adult’. This person is responsible for his or her emotions, and can also take the emotions into account
from another.
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Than we are deeply connected to our emotionsWe feel what is happening in our bodies, and we observe our thoughts so that we can feel strong emotions and talk about those emotions with others.
The integrated adult in relationships:
- gives space to physical sensations and emotions;
- identifies his or her needs and communicates clearly;
- clearly asks for what he or she wants;
- stays true to itself, even in conflict;
- sets and monitors his or her boundaries;
- gives space to intense feelings of his or her inner child;
- loves herself and takes good care of herself.
Meditation to Heal Your Inner Child
A good way to become aware of your inner child is to meditate. The next time you feel insecure, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, cut off from others, or triggered, find a quiet spot and do this visualization.
An English-language guided audio version of this meditation can be found on the Rising Woman website.
1. Lie with your eyes closed and place your hands on your stomach and heart. Take a few deep breaths, and exhale any tension or tightness in your body. Visualize light flowing into your body, and relax.
2. Notice what you feel in your body. Notice your emotions and name them. Try to feel where the emotion is in your body.
3. Visualize now that you are with your inner child. Look at the environment in which you and your inner child are together. Are you at your parental home? Are you in your bedroom? Are you somewhere in nature?
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4. Greet your inner child, ask what it feels, and then just listen. Maybe it has a lot to say, or maybe it says nothing. When it is quiet, just be present with your inner child and hold it lovingly. Invite your inner child to sit on your lap or cuddle with you. Let the child choose for himself.
5. Tell your inner child that you are the adult and that you will make sure it is safe. Say it’s okay to feel. Make it clear that you will not leave and that you will always take care of him/her, listen to him/her, and give him/her space to express himself.
6. Take a moment to say kind and loving words to your inner child. If you’re not sure what to say, you can use these affirmations: I’m here for you, all of you is welcome here, I’ll protect you, I love you.
7. Give your inner child a gift, such as a teddy bear, to symbolize the connection you now have with each other. Visualize a warm embrace with your inner child, and breathe in and out together. Imagine that your inner child dissolves in you and you become one. Stay with this feeling as you continue to breathe in calmly.
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8. Stay aware of what you feel in your body and see if anything has changed. Focus your attention on the areas in your body that are more relaxed and feel safer than before. Take a few more deep breaths, wiggle your toes, and extend your arms and legs.
9. Open your eyes and look around the room. Tune in to your surroundings and say, “I’m safe here.”
Going Deep
Do this meditation every time you feel the need to be there for yourself. If your emotions denies or suppressesyour inner child suffers. As an adult you can now start to ‘educate’ your own inner child by being loving when emotions arise.
Working with your inner child is never finished. This means that you have to be tender and nurturing towards . all your life the most vulnerable parts of your being. Turning inward, meditating and paying attention to dream images we receive can deepen the connection with ourselves (and therefore our inner child).
And when we go deep, we always come across new aspects of ourselves. This is how we continue to learn for life! Exactly what we want.
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This is how you become aware of your inner child