Stuttering associations are sounding the alarm worldwide with the ‘Declaration of the Right to Stutter’. “We have the right to stutter, that’s how we speak,” says chairman Sybren Bouwsma (44) of the stuttering association Demosthenes.
He finds it ‘unacceptable that people who stutter are often expected or even required to learn to speak more fluently’. “It is given to only a few to ‘overcome’ stuttering.”
The Netherlands has 175,000 stutterers. One repeats syllables, words or phrases. The other hangs on certain letters, keeps sounds for a long time, or blocks them completely. Sybren Bouwsma has the whole package. With many words he stretches the first letter for a second: for example llllll-difficult or ppppp-positive. He no longer has tics. “I used to hit my knees with my hand.” He does use stop words such as ‘yes, yes, yes, yes’ and ‘uhm, uhm, uhm’ as a run-up to the next word.
Therapies
“As an adult who stutters, it is very difficult to speak completely fluently,” says Bouwsma. “There are several commercial therapies that promise to quickly get rid of stuttering. It may work for a small number of people, but for the majority it just doesn’t. I also know people who come out worse than they go in.”
Self-portrait of stuttering artist Paul Aston.
The interview costs him a lot of energy and time, but as a violent stutterer he wants to be the spokesperson for Demosthenes. “I have no problem with it myself. I’m not saying that I don’t want to keep working on my speaking, but it would be nice if stuttering could just be there. Even if you stutter, you must be able to fully participate in society.”
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Stuttering is still seen as a ‘culpable handicap’. For example, a stutterer was told by his manager that his contract would only be extended if he spoke more fluently. Another employer sent a stutterer to a competitor with the words: “Someone who stutters also works there. You will not be happy in this consultant position.” Or a stutterer gets the unsolicited remark: “Of course you shouldn’t become a newscaster.”
Portrait of stuttering Patrick Campbell.© Portraits Paul Aston
Bouwsma fights for a stutter-friendly workplace and learning environment. Why should a general practitioner, mortgage lender, conductor, nurse or lawyer not stutter? “The person who stutters knows very well what is possible and should be given the space for his/her own solutions.”
Between the ages of seven and forty, he spent twenty years on speech therapy and other stuttering therapies. He certainly doesn’t want to shoot all treatments. Especially therapies that can help you ‘learn to live with stuttering’. “But if your goal is to become completely stutter-free, you often come home from a cold fair in the longer term. In a therapy setting it sometimes works, but the effect fades over time. Therapy should always be your own choice.”
Picked on
As a child, he was bullied a lot, had few social contacts and low self-esteem. “It is sometimes difficult to indicate: are you being bullied because of your stuttering? Or are you an easy victim because you can defend yourself less verbally?”
When he was twenty, he joined the stuttering association. “I noticed for the first time that I am not the only one who stutters.” He built up a worldwide network of friends. “Stuttering has also brought me something good in that way.”
“I’d rather not stutter, but this is how I speak. I have trouble accepting the word, but stuttering is part of me. I try to use it in the things I do. At a later age I also started to see my stuttering as a gift.”
Comments
As a nature coach, he goes out with groups. “I ask participants to check with themselves what my stuttering evokes in them. The reactions range from empathy to impatience and uncertainty.”
“For a long time I was personally interested in the reactions of others. But the emotions I evoke when I stutter say something about the other person. I am a kind of mirror to their feelings. Once I was out with a friend who was constantly adding to my sentences. I was annoyed and asked him: ‘What is my stuttering doing to you?’ He mentioned feelings of restlessness and frustration. When I inquired further, it turned out that he was in a restless phase in his life.”
Listening well
Bouwsma developed other qualities through stuttering. He is a good listener, empathetic and non-judgmental. “People feel comfortable with me.” The stuttering was an ‘obstacle and hindrance’ in his life, but is now a ‘driving force’. “It has helped me to really be myself. Sometimes I see it as a gift.”
“I hope that we who stutter can help with a conscious slowdown in this hectic society. That is also necessary: standing still a little more. Perhaps people who stutter can play a role in this.”
He wants to ‘make society aware’. “There is a lot of shame in people about their stuttering. I know people who are socially isolated because of this. Or having suicidal thoughts. Others try to hide their stuttering and suffer in loneliness. I also know people who use drugs because of their stuttering and who have become heavily addicted. If you feel that your stuttering should not be there, that could be the consequences.”
Dating-apps
Still, e-mail and WhatsApp are ‘a breath of fresh air’ for Bouwsma. “It’s also nice that there are dating apps and that I don’t have to approach a woman right away.”
Do’s and don’ts of stuttering? “Deal with it as normally as possible. Just like you speak to anyone else. All that is asked is a little more time for each other. In general, people who stutter prefer to finish their sentences themselves. But that can differ per person and situation. Just ask.”