We often tell love stories that ended badly by drawing on the vocabulary of psychology, even psychiatry: so and so was under the influence of a manipulator, another of a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or autist – and they came out of these relationships anxious, depressed, traumatized. I have no doubt that there are narcissists and psychopaths out there, and they can do us great harm. Nor is my intention to minimize what each other has experienced. I simply note that this psychologizing language has become generalized.
Perhaps this tendency is due to the way we conceive of love: it is for us the inner, emotional experience of a subjective and authentic self. So when a relationship goes wrong, we assume that there is something wrong with that self, and resorting to the vocabulary of psychology seems to relieve us.
Fine, but psychologization cannot help us answer this essential question: during a meeting, how do we know who we are really dealing with? How to gauge his moral character? This is an art that today seems almost forgotten.
Flatteries and vanity
The British writer Jane Austen (1775-1817) dwelt at length on the masquerade of love. If his flamboyant novels can be read simply to relax, they also contain very fine views on our moral qualities, views that seem straight out of theEthics in Nicomaque, of Aristotle. The plot ofPride and Prejudice (originally titled “First Impressions”) could today be summed up as follows: “A beautiful young woman, Elizabeth Bennet, seeks a wealthy husband who loves her just as she is. She meets Wickham
The rest is reserved for subscribers…
- Access all subscribed content
- Support independent writing
- Receive the Mail Alarm Clock every morning
Source of the article
The standard (Bruxelles)Launched in 1918, the reference newspaper of the Flemish establishment gradually distanced itself from the Catholic world as well as from the Flemish movement – and, more particularly, from the Flemish Social Christian Party, in power in Belgium from 1945 to 1999.
From its first issue, on December 4, 1918, the upper part of the cover presented the cross drawing the letters LAWYER–Presale (“Everything for Flanders, Flanders for Christ”, “Everything for Flanders, Flanders for Christ”). This mention disappeared in 1999, in order to renovate and rejuvenate the readership.
The standardwhich proposes to provide information “reliable, independent and of quality”, undertook a major overhaul in 2007: it reduced its format, modernized its graphic identity and adapted to the digital context.
Read more
Nos services