2023-10-12 19:37:32
Vienna. Recently, violence against women has started to increase in Austria. Partner violence experienced during marriage and dating threatens both people’s psychology and health.
We need to learn which people we should stay away from in order to protect our mental and physical health. Those with dissocial or antisocial personality disorders are among the people who should definitely be avoided. So when should women walk away from violent and threatening spouses or partners?
Speaking to Krone, Psychotherapist Barbara Haid, President of the Austrian Federal Psychotherapy Association (ÖBVP), reveals the damage that people with dissocial or antisocial personality disorders can cause in people and society. According to Haid, the world is a bad place for these people – and they sometimes act like it; This condition can even be life threatening. We have to learn how to recognize them, what we can do, and when to leave. Psychotherapist Barbara Haid draws attention to the danger and lists the general characteristics of these people as follows: Manipulative behavior is accompanied by little or no empathy, lack of awareness of wrongdoing, self-centeredness and impulsive behavior. In addition, these people are easily offended and become aggressive. Low impulsivity control and a willingness to use violence is not a mixture that will define a good person.
Psychotherapist Barbara Haid, President of the Austrian Federal Association for Psychotherapy (ÖBVP), says that people suffering from dissocial or antisocial personality disorder are often “people that no one likes” and adds: “Affected people are generally not loved, but rather feared. They may hold a certain importance within a group – out of respect or fear. They have learned or developed little empathy throughout their lives, so they have little or no empathy. Devaluing and devaluing their environment is part of their personality structure. They also exhibit illegal behavior, often lying and cheating are part of this. They get angry very quickly and easily. “Decreased impulse control often leads to domestic violence in relationships.”
They have the perception that “the whole world is bad”
In addition, there is no such thing as a sense of injustice among those affected: for them the principle of right or wrong applies and there is nothing in between; The whole world is bad for them. And to some extent they also behave this way in their own world. If those affected stand out, it is usually because they destroy things or stand out as violent. You often find them in criminal circles.
And professionally, they are present in every position, right up to the most senior management levels. Because yes, to get ahead you often need to put your own interests first and be ruthless – which you can do better without empathy.
As is often the case, the causes are complex – and, as is often the case, childhood physical and/or emotional neglect plays a role. Experience of abuse, violence, little attention, lack of reliable caregivers who can provide a secure attachment. Therefore, later in life, they often become, as experts say, ‘insecurely attached’.
That’s why they are not very inclined to form relationships. „They have frequently changing relationships. Either because their partner can’t stand it, or because they are overwhelmed by intimacy. “They can’t stand the loss of control,” says Haid.
This situation also manifests itself at the professional level through frequent job changes: „They cannot cope with the authorities. If the boss criticizes them or once a conflict arises, they quickly cut things off – so they either resign or behave in a way that gets them fired.”
Secondly, they – unconsciously – confirm their own worthlessness and view that the world is just a bad world. Often, those affected also develop an outsider identity.
Is it possible to fall in love with such a person?
Can you fall in love with such a person? “Yes,” says the psychotherapist, “of course not as often as, for example, a narcissist: they lack the charm and fascination of the narcissist. But that is precisely what fascinates some people and makes them interesting, even if they have little to like and are rather feared.“
The expert sees daily life in this relationship as a “constant dance on a volcano” and says: “You must always be careful, always be on the alert. “You can also be very controlling,” he explains.
So who would agree to that as a partner? People who are often in the victim role, have major self-esteem issues, are unstable and overly dependent on others.
In the worst case, the relationship ends in murder and suicide.
And of course, the partner usually does not see everything as hopeless. But the partner will need a lot of support, counseling and professional guidance. Of course, those affected also suffer, but those close to them feel it much more.
„If you get to know someone and feel that your relationship is heading in this direction, it is highly recommended that you move away from them quickly. “It’s best not to have a relationship with such a person at all.” Haid warns that a relationship with such a patient sometimes results in murder, often femicide, or even murder and suicide. Especially if the partner has cheated and wants to break up. The affected person may become very resentful and then revenge becomes a thing.
“In therapy, you encounter a seriously injured child”
The affected people themselves naturally feel a pressure of pain, but this arises from external rather than internal conditions – for example, when they commit another crime and go to prison or lose their job once again. As a rule, they do not see the need to seek treatment themselves. The psychotherapist says: „If one comes and you penetrate to the core, then you usually find a small, badly injured child, all alone in madness.“
“Psychotherapy is a very logical and preferable method here,” says Haid. Because then you can give those affected some tools to be able to cope better and act better in general. These include, for example, anti-aggression training, stress reduction, perception training, etc. takes place.
“If we manage to reach those affected and they realize that not only their actions and existence are not understood, but also that they are wanted to understand and learn about their plight, an important first step has been taken,” says Haid.
It is recommended to pay attention to the following points for diagnosis:
Constantly disregarding the rights of others. This is evidenced by at least three of the following factors
– Failure of affected persons to comply with the law (e.g. repeated arrests)
– Being dishonest (e.g. repeatedly lying, using an alias, or deceiving others for personal gain or pleasure).
– Acting impulsively or not planning ahead
– easily provoked or aggressive, characterized by constant involvement in fights or physical attacks with others
– Acting recklessly without regard for the safety of themselves or others
– Consistently acting irresponsibly (e.g. leaving work without making other plans, not paying bills).
– lack of remorse through indifference or rationalization of harm or mistreatment of others
There must also be evidence that a behavioral disorder existed before the age of 15. Antisocial personality disorder is diagnosed only in people aged 18 and over.
(Source: MSD Manual)
In any case, experts recommend that you always seek help if you are in such a situation. You don’t have to deal with this alone! You can get help and support from a few contact points below.
Contact points for people seeking help
Austria Telephone Counseling is free 24 hours a day via chat, email or phone (142)
You can find crisis telephones and emergency numbers here
Psychotherapists with appropriate specialties at ÖBVP
Autonomous women’s shelters in Austria can also help.
Free and anonymous information for men 24 hours a day online or by calling 0800/400 777.
You can reach violence protection centers here. (yenivatan.at)
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