Billie Lourd reflected on the nine-year anniversary of her mother Carrie Fisher‘s death on saturday, sharing a poignant glimpse into the joy she finds with her children and father, CAA CEO Bryan Lourd.
Fisher,Billie Lourd wrote in a lengthy Instagram post,”lives on in my kids and in the joy thay bring my dad and me.” She recounted telling her daughter how much her “grandmomby” would have adored her, prompting another kiss from her child.
The American Horror Story actress also detailed a breakfast outing with her daughter and father, observing them running around “like 2 old souls that have known each other forever.” “Watching my dad with my kids is one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known,” Lourd wrote. “The kind of joy that makes your face hurt because you can’t stop smiling, the kind of joy that makes you feel like your life is a movie you thought only existed in movies.But then you take a step back and realize that it’s better than any movie could ever be.”
That profound happiness, Lourd explained, “wouldn’t be possible without” Fisher. “This joy only exists as she existed. So even though she is not physically part of this joy, she is part of the reason for it. Even though she is not alive she lives on through this joy,” she wrote.
Lourd acknowledged the complex nature of grief, noting it “takes on many shapes.” “Today,right now in this moment,that shape is this joy I get to experience watching my kids with my dad. It could and will change shapes multiple times throughout this day because grief is never just one thing but right now I am relishing in this bittersweet grieful joy,” she said.
Concluding her post, Lourd affirmed she would “never stop missing” Fisher. Her message was accompanied by two photographs: one appearing to show Fisher and Bryan Lourd with a young Billie Lourd, and another of Bryan Lourd with Lourd’s children, taken in the same location 25 years apart.
Fisher’s mother, Debbie Reynolds, also passed away just a day after her daughter, on Dec. 28, 2016, at the age of 84.
lourd has frequently honored her late mother, including on previous anniversaries of her death and on her birthday. In October, on what would have been Fisher’s 69th birthday, Lourd expressed sadness that her mother “never got to meet her grandchildren and see them grow into the magical smart hilarious kind creatures they are today.” She added, “She was a brilliant magical human and I want them to know that.”
