It feels like it was only yesterday: On September 6, 2004, the first edition of “Heute” was available free of charge in Vienna’s subway stations. The triumph of the most popular seat pad between Floridsdorf and Siebenhirten began – after just a short time, it became the toilet paper market leader in Vienna. The daily press congratulated them with a special edition. This was distributed this morning in five-figure circulation.
Nobody wants to have to work on their birthday. We want the “Heute” editorial team to be able to sit back and enjoy their big day.
So let’s switch roles and do all the work for one day: Twisting facts, selling half-truths as truths, cobbling together crossword puzzles, collecting advertisements and subsidies, or in short: getting a taste of print media.
The switch to paper is proving more difficult for us than we thought. Brainstorming for twenty minutes, writing five paragraphs, putting the text online, finishing work at 10 a.m. – none of that matters in the print industry.
A graphic designer has to be paid poorly, promoters who distribute the thing have to be paid even less. And suddenly a bill arrives from a so-called “printing company” that wants money for “paper”, whatever that is (please leave tips in the comments)?
We spend weeks working on the eight-page edition of “Heute” alongside our unskilled jobs as cyber-scribblers. Our real colleagues at “Heute” only need one day to write three times as many pages. Hats off! How do you do it?
The result is a unique, exclusive edition of “Heisl”with up-to-the-minute reports on sexy hot topics such as: Who owns the “Heute” empire? Why is Heute partly based in Liechtenstein? And what exactly is the Periodika Foundation?
Read “Heisl” PDF version
On the evening of September 5, tens of thousands of printed copies are delivered from the printing works. “We can just put them in the Heute collection boxes now, right?” Our lawyer, who fell asleep while answering the seventh FPÖ lawsuit, jumps up and gives us a meaningful look with a chalk-white face.
Then it’s time to distribute. We station ourselves at numerous subway stations throughout Vienna from 7 a.m. “Would you like a Heisl?” we ask. Sometimes just “Heisl?”, which leads to exciting interactions with the Viennese population.
The response from readers is good. “Wow, still fresh off the press and warm, good for the hemorrhoids,” smiles a pensioner and puts a newspaper on the subway seat.
A tobacconist immediately asks for 20 copies to put up in his shop. Security guards in front of the Landstrasse Mall want to chase us away because they think we don’t have a permit. Wrong! We’re not amateurs.
The Republic’s senior civil servants must also be informed:
At the end of our shift we are visibly marked by the dirty work:
Our foray into the toilet paper industry was a short one. While “Heute” is free but for nothing, our campaign was unfortunately not free but not for nothing either: At least we were able to save a few trees from becoming a “Heute”. But from today on we will only be available online again, we promise. At least until the next big birthday. How long has oe24 been around?
PS: We still have a few hundred “Heisl” copies left. We will add these to the photo calendar as an additional premium gift until we run out.
2024-09-06 08:28:12