Robert Jäger / APA / picturedesk.com (M)
Hallelujah! The Vienna Higher Regional Court has rejected the appeal of the FPÖ Lower Austria and confirmed the ruling of the Vienna Commercial Court. For the daily press, this means: 5 good years! The FPÖ can only now file an extraordinary appeal with the Supreme Court. But in cases like this, this is usually hopeless.
“Your will be done,” FPÖ God Chancellor Herbert Kickl is currently putting up posters all over the country, the party’s collection box is full of rubles. And indeed: the almighty justice system has heard our intercessions – and acquitted the daily press. Free of all guilt, free of all sins, free of all legal costs. We deserve freedom, the FPÖ deserves court fees. Amen!
Our prayers were answered. For months now, inspired by our almighty father Herbert, the Catholic working day in the daily press office has begun with a rosary, an Ave Maria and an Our Father.
We have long since exchanged the Mannerschitten on the tables for wafers and we only brew our espresso with holy water. The company outing to the Mikulov Casino has also been replaced by a pilgrimage to Mariazell. For every blasphemous punch line, we whip ourselves for six hours in the courtyard, staring at Kickl’s divine face, which smiles benevolently at us from the election poster.
In contrast to the FPÖ, the Tagespresse editorial staff actually lives according to the Christian-social teachings and does not only put up posters about them during the election campaign in order to drag people seeking shelter from the Middle East out of their stables and deport them at the next opportunity.
The court apparently also saw it that way. It ruled against the blasphemous heathens of the FPÖ, who like to worship some Germanic gods at solstice celebrations, and ruled in the interests of the theocracy of Austria for the daily press, the Catholic mouthpiece of the Lord.
Faith in this country has been restored. The belief that Austria is a nation of real Catholics who stick together, even if they don’t always pay church tax (sorry). A country that won’t allow itself to be abused by someone like Herbert, who secretly applies runes at home during the full moon and begs his satanic Thor, and then acts like a normal Catholic during the election campaign.
Clear words
The Vienna Higher Regional Court states in its judgment, that restaurant owners are by no means as stupid as the FPÖ has argued in two instances, with a lot of words and little substance. Yes, an average restaurant owner who runs a business and pays wages also has the mental capacity to recognize “Gabalierlaberl” and “Andreas-Hofer-Schnitzel” as satire.
Now it’s payday for the FPÖ 🤑
“Your money for our people” is already written in large letters on the wall of the daily press office. In total, the FPÖ Lower Austria squandered the unholy sum of 46.876,94 EURThis is equivalent to a half-page marketing concept from the think tank, or three months’ salary for the anti-elite fighter Herbert Kickl, who has been financed exclusively by the hated “system” his entire life.
The total is divided into:
- 5,372.40 EUR court fees
- 16,749.25 EUR in reimbursement of costs awarded to us (@ Udo: IBAN is in the imprint, if you don’t pay pronto, we will confiscate your prayer rug)
- 22,392.79 EUR for the FPÖ lawyer (two trial days of two hours each, three written submissions, four emails)
- and EUR 2,362.50 in legal fees for the presentation of the facts to the public prosecutor
The party will have to tighten its bow tie, as Lent begins in September for the FPÖ. Almost 50,000 euros – how much is that actually in crystal meth? If all else fails financially, we’ll invite Udo Landbauer to a Lower Austrian pub for a medium-rare slice of meat at Christmas.
Last instance
What happens next? The FPÖ still has the option of going to the Supreme Court. But banishing us to legal purgatory in this way would almost require divine intervention (or a raid on the Supreme Court by new Justice Minister Martin Sellner).
If the FPÖ fails in the Supreme Court, it will only have one option left: to go to the Last Judgement. We wish the successor party of the NSDAP, with regular right-wing extremist individual cases, support for the Russian war of aggression and charity financed by taxpayers in the form of luxury expenses for out-of-touch FPÖ snobs, the best of luck in this step! Maybe next time your will will be done.
Amen and may God bless our law firm Höhne, In der Maur & Partner, as well as all our subscribers who help us with their support to continue our work despite all adversities.
The editorial team
2024-09-13 09:33:50