Finding out that you are gifted is not easy. It is a long and complicated process. Dineke van Kooten knows all about that. For a long time she wondered why she felt differently, thought differently and acted differently. Everything fell into place when Dineke discovered at a later age that she is gifted. Now she has her own coaching practice where she helps other gifted individuals to better understand themselves. In Bij Jorieke she is a guest to talk to Annemarie about the subject.
You are gifted from birth. But if your family or school doesn’t pay attention to it, it can take a long time before you discover it. Dineke didn’t get the label until she was thirty: “I laughed really hard then! It came very unexpectedly.”
Judge then judge
When Dineke was ill two years in a row, she took part in a pilot project for the chronically ill. For that pilot, she had to do some tests. One of those tests showed that Dineke has an exceptionally high IQ. She didn’t believe it at all: “It took me ten years to finish high school. I stayed on at MAVO 3. That way I can name more dramas from high school. I felt dumber than dumb.”
Dineke comes from a very intelligent family, but she still felt smart herself. She eventually got her degree at university, but she still felt like she didn’t really deserve it: “I must have dreamed every month that the Education Inspectorate was at my door to collect my diploma.”
Image thinkers
It took Dineke more than six months to accept the diagnosis. During that time, she also discovered that her daughter is gifted. When her daughter started primary school, teachers indicated that she is very smart. That is why a coach came to Dineke’s home to teach her how to deal with a gifted child. She also learned a lot about herself there.
What we mean by smart is someone who can easily name all geographical names. That is exactly what gifted individuals generally cannot do. They are image thinkers who remember the whole picture, not the details.
Developmental Problems
One in fifty people is gifted. However, it is not discovered in everyone. As a result, gifted children quickly adapt to their ‘normal’ environment. As a result, they easily develop psychological problems. If people don’t understand you or take you seriously, it has a huge effect on your development.
If children do not receive appropriate treatment, this has major consequences: “I see the dramas at my desk: people who are so out of their power, while there is a wealth of cleverness and insights that are not used. I actually think that’s criminal. You should give a child an environment that is appropriate and that invites you to bring out the best in you.”
Misdiagnoses
A lot of people who are gifted are misdiagnosed. Dineke regularly sees examples of this at her desk: “That’s why my soul cries. It is so important that you as a person know who you are and how you are put together. Then you can live optimally as life is meant to be.”
Unfortunately, these misdiagnoses are very common. Common diagnoses in gifted individuals are autism, ADHD or ADD. Gifted individuals can also easily develop anorexia: “They are overjoyed with the diagnosis, because they have finally found their identity. They are allowed to be anorexic and feel part of the group with other anorexic patients. While the essence of that anorexia is totally overlooked.”
Mirror images
A child needs mirror images in his or her development: “The other gives you information about yourself. Gifted people often lack this, so they keep on adapting. Or they keep throwing themselves into the established psychological problems, because then you have a kind of fellow sufferers from which you can derive your identity.”
Below you can listen to the rest of the conversation, in which Dineke further discusses the effect of good help.
Image: Unsplash