2023-10-26 13:56:14
“If you want, I’ll explain to you how to have children!”, “Do you do assisted procreation? And whose fault is it: yours or hers?”, “Does the real mother know that girls are born?”. These are just some of the phrases that many women hear every day, most of the time pronounced unconsciously, as a result of years of social stigma around infertility, which in Italy affects 15% of couples, one in seven. Society, the environment, the media, and even doctors, sometimes tend to trivialize and belittle the process that infertile patients go through, making the path they have to face even more complicated. With the aim of promoting a more correct, inclusive and respectful language, which reflects the complexity of the challenges faced by those experiencing infertility, the ‘Manifesto of the language of fertility’ was born, presented today in Rome, signed by the ‘Strada for a Dream’, from the movement to normalize infertility ‘Oneofmany’ and from the Ivi clinic, specialized in Reproductive medicine.
“I am an infertile woman and, before having my child, I experienced multiple abortions – says Martina, a patient at Ivi Roma -. During the years of infertility I often encountered inappropriate words, spoken by people who were not very empathetic, which I then understood over time, don’t be cruel or insensitive, but rather not used to dealing with this condition. They don’t do it maliciously, they just say the first thing that comes to mind, not knowing that in front of them they have a person who is suffering terribly. Because often, those who suffer a lot wear a mask so as not to let their pain shine through and the rest of the world perceives that they feel free to say anything. I had to deal with insensitive phrases even in reference to my miscarriages. Today with my baby in my arms, I finally have that strength to answer that I have always lacked and now I always answer that Tommaso is my fourth child.”
“Infertility in Italy affects 15% of couples, equivalent to approximately one in seven”, recalls Daniela Galliano, specialized in Gynaecology, Obstetrics and Reproductive Medicine, head of the Pma Ivi Center in Rome. “Despite being officially recognized as a disease by the World Health Organization (WHO) since 2009, today infertility is still described using unempathetic, inappropriate language, which can sometimes even be aggressive. Consequently, those seeking a care and resort to reproductive medicine to have a child may feel judged, guilty or misunderstood in their journey towards parenthood. For this reason, it is important to demystify, break taboos, avoid euphemisms. It is essential that the language of fertility is fair and adequate , avoiding any nuance of aggressiveness or lack of delicacy. And we want to improve the conversation about infertility – he concludes – in our personal and also medical environments”.
“The language society uses to describe infertility or the loss of a baby can have a huge impact on how a person may feel. We may start talking about difficulty conceiving rather than infertility or missed implantation rather than failed implantation They seem like nuances, but they are not: they become messages of understanding, closeness and acceptance that make the other feel better”, underlines Vincenza Zimbardi, psychologist Ivi Roma. “Being sterile – echoes Galliano – is not something for which one should feel guilty or be forced to hide the need for medical help to solve the problem. Although the factors that determine infertility can affect both men and women, perhaps women more than men may live this experience with a feeling of regret for past choices, perhaps for not having started trying to get pregnant sooner. Or they may feel fear, a sense of inadequacy or shame.”
On the ivitalia.it website – according to a note – it is possible to download a manifesto, a guide, a handbook for all those who realize that a change of course is necessary to raise awareness throughout the world on a thorny, delicate and for some source source of great pain. “This project is fundamental as a tool for visibility and awareness on the importance of the language of fertility. We want to be an agent of change so that people with infertility feel the support, empathy and complicity they need; share with how we feel in society, on which sentences and how we would like to be treated opens the door to respect and complicity”, says Loredana Vanini, author of the photographic book ‘Unadelletante’ and founder of the infertility movement ‘Oneofmany’, which has become a point of reference in Italy for information, support and assistance to infertile couples.
“The pandemic has accelerated some processes, somehow bringing information home and increasing the offer, facilitating the participation of even those people who are most reluctant to show themselves, but it has also given space, in part, to less scientific information and rigorous”, adds Luisa Musto of ‘Strada Per Un Sogno’, a non-profit association dedicated to the topic of infertility and the path to becoming parents. “Until then, it was customary to turn to more institutional interlocutors, who had built know-how thanks to years of activity and the collaboration of recognized experts and, above all, they did so without any profit motive. The simplicity with which now, thanks to social media, it is possible to make this even a job which can paradoxically become negative. In that case information ceases to be free and disinterested”.
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