That dreaded moment when you feel like your partner does not listen to you, is indifferent or distant arrived. All is not lost, there are several actions that you can take if you feel that your partner does not listen to you.
“Every human being wants to be heard because they have things and needs to express. The point is that, in a relationship, both want the same thing, although not in the same way. This could be called: Why doesn’t my partner listen to me?says Mario Guerra, psychotherapist and loss expert.
Do you feel that your partner “does not listen to you”? Photo: iStock
Signs of poor communication with your partner
1. He cannot understand your point of view or agree with you.
2. It is closed criteria.
3. Your needs, logic and reasoning are beyond your intellectual and/or emotional capacities.
4. Great fear can impair your judgment.
5. One form of ‘punishment’ is to stop talking to you.
6. He prefers to get rid of a problem now (by giving you the plane) even if it later creates more problems for not complying with what was offered or agreed.
7. Regularly this does not change over time, so either you get used to it or you start thinking about what to do with your life in the face of this.
8. Does not want to do what you ask or agree with you.
9. Simply because he does NOT want to or because you say so.
10. What interests you is winning and being right, even if you are not.
Do you feel that your partner “does not listen to you”? Photo: iStock
Why your partner does not listen to your needs
Guerra assures that there are various reasons why your partner does not listen to you and you may be promoting it. Take note!
1. You complain instead of making requests.
2. Many times the reactance arises from the way of asking for things. In fact, many requests are wrapped in complaints and are not clear. Which do you usually use?
“I want you here at 8” (Command)
“I’m tired of always being late” (Complaint)
“I wish you could arrive earlier to be on time” (request)
How do you talk to your partner?
1. Your role as an instructive father or mother who wants to give classes on values, morals or civic solidarity as a couple.
2. You raise your voice, your non-verbal language is hostile, you demand and demand non-stop.
Main problems in a relationship
Resentment
Unresolved issues from the past or feelings of disadvantage in the relationship that lead to tit-for-tat.
power struggles
1. What they both want is to win and prove to the other that they are right to:
2. Demonstrate your value within the relationship.
3. Demonstrate your authority within the relationship.
4. For the pleasure of being right.
Do you feel that your partner “does not listen to you”? Photo: iStock
Among the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse that John Gottman describes, it is very possible that in his relationship there are several:
1. Criticism (you never, you always, etc.)
2. Feminine style demeanor
3. Defensiveness (yes, but you this and you also that…)
4. Masculine behavior
5. Contempt (oh perfect lady, I didn’t know you were infallible…)
6. Masculine and/or feminine conduct
7. Evasion – Petrify yourself (absolute silence acting as if the other did not speak)
8. Male style behavior, but the most toxic when performed by a woman.
If these 4 are present, Gottman states that it can be predicted with 90% reliability that couples will end up breaking up if effective corrective action is not taken.
What to do so that your partner does listen to you
Do you feel that your partner “does not listen to you”? Photo: iStock
Guerra gives us the following tips to improve and save the relationship.
1. Ask yourself if you want to stay together. If not, why do they do anything else?
2. Seek to make clear requests and fulfill commitments. Remember clear requests and not complaints or scolding.
3. Return the value to your word. A NO is better than a “right now I do it” and not do it.
4.Listen without defending yourself. If your partner has been “hard and hit” with something, it is because there is surely something that has not been resolved. If you listen, maybe you’ll find out what it is.
5. If you can’t avoid the complaints for now, look for the petition after the complaint.
6. If your partner only complains, try to find out what is behind that complaint. There is always a need or a request.
7. Stop wanting to change the other. If you have already asked clearly and he does not comply with what he offers or remains silent, what do you do with such a person?
And Do you feel that your partner does not listen to you?want to stay together and cannot reach agreements, seek professional help.