Do you know how to distinguish a toxic relationship from one that is not?

2024-02-14 10:22:45

We frequently hear the term “toxic relationship”, something that can be distorted by being associated with the wrong situations. Psychologists warn of the importance of distinguishing and not trivializing a relationship that is harmful versus another that simply does not work.

Dancers from the Deborah Colker Dance Company of Brazil. EFE/ Christian Escobar Mora

Throughout any relationship, it is natural to have differences, make mistakes or go through bumps, which does not mean that the relationship is toxic.

A toxic relationship is characterized by the presence of harmful behaviors and significant imbalances derived from a situation of power or lack of respect for one over another, which can lead to a deterioration in emotional well-being.

Coinciding with the Valentine’s Day, the February 14th, In an interview with EFEsalud, doctor Pedro Neira, Psychology coordinator at the López Ibor Clinic, It explains to us what it means to have a toxic relationship and alerts us to the consequences and consequences of the trivialization or misuse of this term.

Toxic relationships can leave psychological consequences in those who suffer from it/EFE/EPA/Bernd Thissen

Relationship problems: not all of them are toxic

“Each person lives their relationship in a different way and that is why it is very difficult to distinguish which attitudes are considered completely toxic and which are not, because in the end it also depends on the importance and value it has for each person,” explains Neira. .

“But it is true, that there are disagreements or arguments that tend to occur more commonly in all relationships and sometimes, they simply need communication to be resolved,” he adds.

When a love is not reciprocated or in a relationship the spark is lost by one or both parties, that does not mean that the relationship is toxic. Yes there are different perspectives or future ambitions, that does not mean having toxic behavior with your partner.

“Listen without judging what my partner is telling me, what he is thinking, not trying to force the person to have my hobbies, my tastes, the same social circles…These are healthy behaviors for the couple,” says the specialist.

What is a toxic relationship?

The Psychology Coordinator of the López Ibor Clinic gives us the necessary clues to detect a toxic relationship:

• Control: If we detect that they want to control us, for example in the way we dress or who we interact with, it is toxic behavior.

• Lack of communication or aggressive communication: Aggressive or destructive communication can be another indication of a toxic relationship, but so can the fact that there is no communication.

• Emotional manipulation: Emotional manipulation, from constant blaming to victimization, can be a sign that the relationship is harmful to one or both parties.

• Social isolation: If one partner tries to isolate the other from friends or family, it is a form of control. This causes serious damage to the emotional health of the controlled person.

A love that not only provides company, but also nourishes mental health is healthy. EFE/Alejandro Ernesto

Advice for those suffering from a toxic relationship

For those who suffer from a toxic relationship, psychologist Pedro Neira advises:

• Recognize the signs and problematic functioning and accept that the situation is
  harmful.
• Look for Emotional Support from friends, family and professionals.
• Establish boundaries clear and communicate them in a firm and assertive manner.
• Work in the self-esteem and self-care.
• End the relationship if they persist.

Trivialization of the term “toxicity”

The trivialization of the term “toxicity” can lead to minimize actual experiences of abuse or mistreatment, making it difficult for victims to seek help or be taken seriously. Besides we can normalize toxic behaviors which in reality they are not. This label hinders healthy conflict resolution.

That is why it is important to emphasize that this colloquial and widely used term carries behind it functions and behaviors related to psychosocial factorswhich in many cases must be evaluated and addressed from a health perspective and environment.

Romantic love: expectation vs reality

Pedro Neira warns us about the problem that can be caused bythe idealization of romantic love and relationships.

“It is important to be careful with social expectations regarding the concept of romantic love, which generates an idealization of life as a couple and what we should expect from them, leading us to impulsive breakups by not meeting social expectations and to frustration and disappointment. discomfort,” says the expert.

Trust and respect are fundamental pillars of any healthy relationship. Image provided.

How to build a healthy love?

To avoid toxic relationships it is essential:

Work on effective communication: Communication is fundamental in any relationship.
Learning to listen actively, express emotions clearly and honestly, and be able to resolve conflict constructively are crucial skills for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Train assertiveness It is key in any social relationship, just as it is in romantic relationships, the ability to communicate requests, make constructive criticism, see yourself as having the right to say no, have the ability to prioritize yourself, etc.

Trust and mutual respect: Trust and respect are fundamental pillars of any healthy relationship. This point is linked to assertiveness, respecting and enforcing the limits of others and their ownwithout entering into aggressive communication that imposes on the other.

Individual space: it is important to understand that Human beings have individual needs, It is important to maintain and care for an individual space and allow everyone to have their own interests, friendships and time for themselves.

Mutual support: This point connects with empathy, emotional identification and accompaniment of one’s own and the other’s emotional needs. In this way, pleasant moments strengthen the relationship and unpleasant moments reinforce support.

Share goals and values: It is important align some common goals, harmony in values ​​and expectations for the future. If this does not occur, it is important look for a project or common interests.

Flexibility and adaptability: The relationship will not always be the same, it will change over time and will depend on individual and contextual changes, the capacity for adaptation, communication and resolution of conflicts that may arise.