DThe new week in the model alma mater “Chez Klum” starts with a “Previously on GNTM” personally performed by the eponymous grammar exorcist Heidi Klum: “The decision was made last week due to a storm in the water”. And the catwalk package tourists were even lucky. Imagine if the decision had been blown away by the wind due to heavy rain.
As a preventive measure, all program items of this week will therefore take place indoors. A future-proof concept: fly to California with 25 girls and a huge team, and then shoot scenes there that look as if a petting zoo had been set up in a basement in Bergisch-Gladbach. And at the same time generate a CO2 footprint the size of Saarland. If GNTM were eligible to vote, it would probably vote for the FDP.
At most, the ego of this week’s guest judge, GNTM inventory icon Rankin, is larger than said footprint. Or as candidate Somajia says: “Rage”. Rage-Rankin is famous photographer. So what is his task today? Exactly: shoot videos of the top model applicators. Three short poses should be shown and their self-formulated signature sentences should be recited. Right at the beginning, Klum snubs the performance of Rage Against the Rankin singer Simajia: “Do it in German, because we’re also in Germany.” Los Angeles in Germany, who doesn’t know it. California or Florida, it doesn’t matter – the main thing is Europe.
Disoriented in the studio
Real fur testimonial Elsa also only received a modestly jubilant verdict: “She doesn’t really know where she is.” She wanders through the studio without direction. Probably looking for a wild fox. Things are even worse for Mirella. The sentence that is supposed to describe her personality is: “Just like RuPaul, I am many, but always myself.” Heidi Klum looks so disturbed as if she were wondering how many RuPauls Mirella is and whether she is still there to be on the safe side have to do a quick count.
Guest juror Rankin at the shooting: His judgments are not very euphoric.
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Image: ProSieben/Richard Huebner
A few more pearls crystallize in the style flower tinsel of imposed self-adulation. For example: “I’m Olivia, and like the olive, you either love me or hate me.” Luckily her name isn’t banana: you bite into her or you crush her. Lara, on the other hand, tries to score with hairstyle analogies: “I’m crazy like my hair.” If she now learns to show attitude like her feet and personality like the back of her knees, nothing stands in the way of a march through to the final. Slata also calculates that the chances of being on the podium are good: “I was born for the stage.” But more for the silent film stage. She breaks off her sentence, which consists of around five words, almost 53 times. She had announced full-bodied: “I always get what I want.” Apparently she wanted to operate today as a pre-model for a rhetoric course advertisement. Accordingly modest, she clears the jury’s evaluation and has to go home. And Melissa is also hit by the ban of Klumitus interruptus.
Heidi Klum doesn’t care about the number of Anya’s friends
To cool down the turbulent spirits after this early double exit, Anya delivers a flawless in-game performance and already has her platitudes bingo card full in week three: “I’m not here to make friends.” Heidi Klum is the Number of Anya’s joys do not matter. She would rather talk about articulation volumes: “Look how loud I am talking.” Next week, the advanced anatomy course will continue with “Listen, how my hair smells”. Before that, however, ProSieben torments us with a few more video self-assessments. For example Coco’s: “My name is like me – unique.” Unfortunately, Elsa is not in the room, who would probably have reacted with “Her name is Coco and not Junik”. That would have become legendary.