Religious society is in turmoil following the suicide of Haim Velder, who was a revered educational figure and a successful writer. Last Monday, Velder committed suicide near his son’s grave after the hard evidence against him was revealed. Dobby Weinroth, Velder’s friend, eulogized him at the funeral, but last night (Thursday) he published a post in which he regrets: “I do not write a post. I write a post-trauma.”
“I have never heard the sound of fragments”
“Like everyone else, I have been going through a very difficult personal upheaval since the suicide of Haim Velder. This story is a kind of horror film. The snowball rolled very fast. It was a milestone and a revolution (I hope has only just begun) in the ultra-Orthodox public. Inside this ball, I confess “I only heard the sound of cheering and I never heard the sound of fragments,” he begins candidly.
“In the last 48 hours, I have left everything for just one thing. I have gathered courage and all I have done is late (maybe too late – but never too late), to hear the sound of the fragments. Then when you hear them you realize you will never be the same person. before and after”.
“Do you understand that the victim can usually do nothing?”
He writes: “Dobby, do you understand what’s going on in my life? Are you hurt? And honestly, my answer is: No! I mean, I know, but I do not refer. I have never entered this box (mind and soul). These days for the first time after ongoing conversations with Psychologists in the field I am starting to meet (yes, I am a 41 year old bear, a lawyer and a very successful father and father of three sweets – nice to meet) “.
And continues: “And the next question is: Bear, you understand that the victim can usually do nothing in her situation in front of a person with a force that threatens you that if she complains he will ruin her life and commit suicide (this is a pattern). It is that in most cases they are not believed either, etc. They probably do not need me for the fact that they are only referring to the matter itself. “
“The most dangerous thing at this point is preaching about not talking about slander”
He says he contacted the editor of the investigation against Velder: “At this point, I also picked up the phone to Aharon Rabinovich. The truth, for the first time. The truth is simple, to apologize to him. After all, I never spoke to him and I stood at the funeral (more to come) and entered. Bo to say the least. I said to myself, but you’re a lawyer. Who like you knows that without hearing the other side, you can not even begin to decide. Be a man, pick up the phone and listen. Then comes my other surprise in the story. Because the truth, I’m probably not in his place I would answer me. And I talk to a reporter with whom I came out quite excited because the first thing he says to me: Bear, I do not have in my heart about you. You are eulogizing a friend! I can actually understand that. “You missed the most important point but I did not see it as an injury. Remove worry from your heart.”
“Then a conversation unfolds with a man who probably did a PhD in the sound of the fractures and invites me to see findings that will change the whole picture and tells me: Come be a man. Look at the materials. I do not want you to believe me. I want you to see. A man who tells me he will never publish an article or research About a person who has one complainant against him and maybe not even a few – unless there is a large amount. And the three that were published are part of the 15 he had and did not agree. “The ultra-Orthodox public does not provide another solution at this stage. There is no! And in any case, intimidating on this issue can only aggravate the problem,” he writes.
“Maybe I can be there for a big help”
“And I analyze it and do chevruta and sharpen and understand that the steps in this appalling problem that I am just addressing must be in this order:
1. Believe in the complainant and the complainant. To believe and embrace that he is in terrible embarrassment and distress. It still does not contradict that I do not convict or stain the other side. That means a red flag! Go out and check. Because if there is one complaint and it is 99% correct there is more. Need to find them.
2. Protected rate once a month maybe.
3. “Regulation Forum” or other solution to be established urgently.
4. And or. Only then can we talk about libel issues. “
“Yes, and I missed, I missed hugely. I spoke in obituary about slander and I perceive that it only exacerbates the problem when the previous requirements are not met. Yes yes everyone should ask themselves what motivates their comments or publicity. Fix or gossip. And I think as long as The lit candle can be repaired and of course I did not do anything maliciously and it’s all a huge lesson for me. I set up a long conversation with all the great rabbinical houses – from both camps – on the subject. From there, if someone clarifies things to them without etiquette, but: For God’s sake, do something. Blessed is the believer! “, He concludes.