Battling the Brain: Young Woman’s Decade-Long Struggle with Misdiagnosed OCD
A pervasive and often misunderstood mental health condition, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) affects an estimated 2-3% of the global population, significantly impacting quality of life and earning potential. For Lucy Shiel, a 25-year-old from Kilkenny, Ireland, the debilitating effects of OCD went unrecognized for years, leading to a prolonged search for answers and a battle against intrusive thoughts that questioned her very character.
Lucy was thriving in college when, at age 19, her mental wellbeing was suddenly disrupted by a cascade of dark, unwanted thoughts. These thoughts, which led her to believe she was a “bad person,” sparked a years-long quest to understand what was happening to her mind.
The onset was abrupt, occurring after a night out. “It came on very suddenly when I was 19,” Lucy explained to the Irish Sun. For four years, she sought help from various therapists, but none were able to pinpoint the root cause of her distress. “Unfortunately none of them could figure out that it was OCD,” she said.
It wasn’t until she stumbled upon information about OCD through American research online that a potential diagnosis began to emerge. “Once I came across it myself, I went to my GP and I was like, ‘I think I have this’ and he was very good,” Lucy recalled. A subsequent psychiatric consultation confirmed her suspicions: “Yes this is very textbook OCD,” they told her two years ago.
However, even with a formal diagnosis, life with OCD remained a relentless struggle. Lucy described it as a constant internal conflict between her conscious and subconscious mind, spiraling into negativity. “It’s categorised by this onslaught of intrusive thoughts that are usually quite dark in nature,” she explained. “They’re racing thoughts and as soon as they come at you you’re thinking, ‘Why did I think that?’, ‘What does this say about me?’, and you’re trying to get that thought out of your head.”
These intrusive thoughts manifested as a deep-seated fear of being a fundamentally flawed person. “A lot of mine was totally internal,” Lucy shared. “I had compulsions in my head, neutralising a bad thought with a good thought after it, fighting with a thought or reviewing my memories to confirm I’m a good person. I’ll think, ‘You’re a bad person’, and I’ll go, ‘No, no, no, this is why you’re not.’ So you’re always engaging in the thought in some way.”
The cycle of obsession and compulsion can take many forms. Some individuals engage in visible rituals, like repeatedly washing their hands or checking locks. Others, like Lucy, experience the compulsions internally, battling thoughts and seeking reassurance within their own minds. “Some people might put the light on ten times because they think if they don’t then someone’s going to die then it’s going to be their fault,” she noted.
Frustrated by the lack of understanding and resources in Ireland, Lucy took matters into her own hands. She created OCDiaries, an Instagram page dedicated to educating the public about OCD, outlining its symptoms, and offering guidance on managing the condition. “Since I started the page I’ve spoken to hundreds of people who have said thank you, I didn’t realise there were other people like this in Ireland,” she said.
Lucy’s initiative highlights a critical gap in mental health awareness. The World Health Organization ranks OCD among the top ten most disabling illnesses globally, considering its impact on both economic productivity and overall quality of life. Yet, it remains widely misrepresented in popular culture.
“It’s so misrepresented in the media as this funny quirky thing where you like to have things a particular way for no reason other than that’s just how you like it but that’s not how it is,” Lucy emphasized. “That’s actually obsessive compulsive personality disorder which people can be diagnosed with, that’s very typical of the stereotype we see in the media. OCD is really different from how it’s portrayed in the media, they’re very different, it’s actually so debilitating.”
Despite the challenges, Lucy remains optimistic about the possibility of recovery. She is currently taking medication, which she describes as “a lifesaver,” and continues to advocate for greater awareness and understanding of OCD. “I fully believe that recovery is possible, it is classified as chronic, it’s something that until the end of time I’m going to have to be on top of but…the medication was a lifesaver,” she said.
Lucy’s experience echoes that of others, including RTE star Brendan Courtney, who recently revealed his own decades-long battle with OCD. Courtney described his experience with intrusive thoughts as terrifying, noting the tendency to spiral into self-doubt and anxiety.
Ultimately, Lucy’s story serves as a powerful reminder that OCD is a complex and debilitating condition that requires accurate diagnosis, effective treatment, and, crucially, a compassionate understanding. “You definitely know people who have it, your loved one could have it, it’s not a silly funny thing it’s very hard to deal with,” she said. “But recovery is possible, it can feel like it isn’t, it can feel all consuming like my life is over but it’s not.”
