Interview with the psychotherapist on the risks of sharing images and sensitive data online. «”Sharenting” is an interference on the spontaneity of events, which are interrupted because they have to become an image or a video»
These days there is a lot of talk about “sharenting”, the habit of sharing photos of minor children on social networks. The Italian Society of Pediatrics has just published a study on the risks of this practice. Alberto Pellai, doctor, developmental psychotherapist and researcher at the Department of Bio-medical Sciences of the University of Milan, what do you think?
“Our children are in a relationship that must be protective for them. Out of protection means they actively go out and explore; we, as parents, generate exploration contexts that are functional to their growth needs. When we put them in the online territory for their exploratory need there is nothing in there, it is an exhibition space that is actually functional to the parent’s needs. In many cases, in fact, “sharenting” is done without the presence of the child, but to stay connected with the child. It can happen, for example, that during a day at work, mothers and fathers share photos of their children taken from the cell phone gallery, moved by the desire to keep the relationship alive even at a distance. It is an emotional move but also naive because it brings with it consequences ».
What are the risks?
«This kind of action makes the child visible, locatable, recognizable, with various information related to the family nucleus and are contents that are then available to everyone. It’s paradoxical, but this happens in a society where we have increased the dimension of privacy and protection of minors, so much so that even the school must first ask us for authorization to share a photo of our child. Doesn’t it seem strange to you that on the one hand the community is asked never to display the image of minors in any context, except for the appropriate approvals, on the other hand it is published online without problems?».
Will today’s socially exposed children replicate what they have seen their parents do?
“There will be a time when our children will become masters of their identity and image. And the theme is: what will they tell us? What are the meanings that they themselves will give to the use of their images for ends that they have not negotiated? This is an aspect that sometimes preteens and adolescents already have as a problem. We parents, in the logic of the digital education of their children, should also be good modelers of skills relating to their performance, how and how much they show themselves when they enter social networks and we should provide them with the dimension of limitation, self-regulation, of being be careful what you post. Seen like this, it is a role that we played badly. How can we teach our children rules and limits if we have already created a digital file with their images that can be consulted by everyone? We are not consistent. Children and young people observe us and build their habits, skills and competences based on what they see us do».
Does constantly asking a child to stop to take a picture and video interfere with his freedom to act?
«If abused, sharenting is an interference that contrasts the spontaneity and naturalness of events, interrupted because they have to become an image or a video to be fixed inside a digital memory. The screen that intervenes between us and the other often interrupts or shatters the collection of the emotional memory of things. The second aspect is that it generates a narcissistic fragility in the child because it gets him used to imagining that everything he does has value only when it is imprinted, shared, looked at. In the end he himself becomes the promoter of situations in which the value is not what he is doing, but whether what he is doing can be put somewhere, imprinted in some digital memory. A key element from a psychological or relational point of view is that whenever there is a screen that mediates between the gaze of the child and that of the adult, that screen interrupts. The game of mirroring the gaze is very important for the child. Think of the classic school play. Children do essays and the value of that essay is that the child wants to feel watched, while now when children look at their parents they only see screens on and they have to imagine that the parent is behind the screen. This also has to do with the emotional intensity with which we put away memories. Putting them inside your cell phone or inside your mind and heart, when you are immersed in an experience and you really live it, is quite different».
Do we need more restrictive laws?
«The law already offers adults a direction, if we think of all that we have to sign to protect the privacy of our children. When photos produce an income we are exploiting a minor for a purpose that is not functional to her need for growth, bringing the minor into a territory that he has not chosen and which does not give him any advantage, but only advantages for adults. On this we need safeguards, on the rest we need a sensitivity that helps parents know that there are limits and things that are better not to do. From an educational point of view, a boy who grew up with parents who protected his image as a child will probably approach social media with greater attention and awareness”.
April 15, 2023 (change April 15, 2023 | 10:06)
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