2024-07-29 10:35:29
After marriage, there comes a situation in every relationship when the couple starts quarreling over small things, in such a situation it is natural that if the issue is not resolved on time, the fight can increase. You must have also seen this stage in your married life, but how can you correct this attitude of yours?
Today in this article, we are going to answer the questions that come in the mind of common people like you through expert senior psychiatrist Dr. Sameer Parikh and marriage counselor Geetanjali Sharma. You can relate them to your relationship and solve the knots in your relationship and create a relationship of ‘we and ours’ instead of ‘mine and yours’. Let’s read what the experts say.
Question 1 – In any relationship, especially in a love relationship, how do we decide till when should we compromise in the relationship and when should we reach a decision?
The relationship between husband and wife or love affair should be such that there is no question of drawing a line. The truth is that every person’s personality is different. Therefore, the limits should also be different. You will have to decide for yourself how much freedom to give, how much freedom to give and where to take a stand? You will have to find the answers to all these questions yourself. Still, some things can be kept in mind.
What does it mean to take a stand
First of all, it is important to understand the meaning of taking a stand. This usually happens when one of the partners is cheating or his nature has changed, things are being hidden and lies are being told when asked and this is being said repeatedly. If one partner emotionally harasses the other partner, says such things to him that reduce the self-confidence of the other, fights a lot, finds faults repeatedly and if one of the partners resorts to violence or abuse, i.e. starts domestic violence, then there should be talk of taking a stand. Although this kind of behavior should not happen even once, but when it starts happening repeatedly, then it is important to take a stand.
The issue of finance is also important
Apart from these, finance is also a similar issue. Many times boys or girls also do not want to give their partner a share in their earned money while they consider themselves to have full rights over their partner’s money. If the problem is arising due to money, then this is also a big issue. If a partner repeatedly threatens to divorce, threatens to leave the house or runs away, then there is a need to think. First, there should be an attempt to solve the problem through conversation and then counseling. If the matter still does not work out, then one should try to reach a decision.
Question 2- My mother-in-law keeps finding faults every day. My husband also does not support me. What should I do?
No one would like to hear anything against their parents, be it a husband or a wife. They probably know about their mother and what her mistakes are. It is possible that this is why your husband also does not want to talk about his mother. But this does not mean that your mother-in-law is doing the right thing or that your husband’s behavior can be justified. Both your mother-in-law and husband should understand that when a woman’s mistakes are repeatedly pointed out, she will feel insecure. She will feel that no matter what she does, her work will not be appreciated. She will also feel that their only motive is to humiliate the daughter-in-law. Which is not right for the family environment.
Suggest not order
It is not that one should not be interrupted for wrong things or suggestions should not be given where there is scope for improvement. What I mean to say is that suggestions should be given as suggestions and not as orders. If a person is finding fault in another person, then it is his responsibility to praise the other person’s work at least 5 times. The husband should understand that he is like a bridge between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Both have to be kept together, so he should maintain balance.
Husband should compromise like this
If the wife is repeatedly saying something to her husband, then pay attention to it. Explain to your mother that this is not the era of 40 or 45 years ago, when you were the daughter-in-law. Things have changed. Thinking has changed. The generation has changed. You should change your thinking. Similarly, talk to the wife that the mother has old ideas. It is not possible to change completely, I have talked to her. If you want, you can make some compromise. If the husband wants, he can also say that both of you are the most important for me. How can I be happy if both of you are unhappy? Do both of you want to see me unhappy!
Question 3- The daughter-in-law shouts very loudly on every small thing, even the son does not pay attention. Is there any way to make her understand?
Such situations are seen in many houses. Many times, not only the daughter-in-law but even the son starts feeling irritated by the presence of his mother in the house. Perhaps that is why the number of elderly people in old age homes is continuously increasing, which is not a good situation. If a daughter-in-law shouts at her mother-in-law, it cannot be termed as right. By the way, one should not shout at children either. The mother-in-law is elder in age and relation as well. The mother-in-law should ask her daughter-in-law, what is it that has made you angry? Am I doing something wrong that is hurting you? If there is something that I can change, then I will try to change it.
Many times the mother-in-law is proud of the fact that she has a lot of experience. Many times the mother-in-law feels that when she was the daughter-in-law, she used to do a lot of household work. In her time, there was no help in the house. In such a situation, she should understand that the earlier times were different and today’s times are different. Apart from this, everyone’s working capacity and habits are also different. Therefore, there should be no comparison. Both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be compromisers. However, shouting is absolutely wrong. At many places, the same situation can happen between the wife and the husband. The wife also starts finding faults in the household work done by the husband in the same way or the husband starts finding faults in his wife’s work again and again. Due to this, the relationship between the husband and wife reaches a bad phase.
Question 4- My husband keeps finding faults in the food I cook every day, but the rest of the family likes the same food. My mother-in-law and father-in-law also like the same food. I am troubled by this. I don’t understand what to do?
It is the nature of almost every person to find faults in the work done by others. They like their own work and find others’ work useless. Your husband is also probably suffering from the same thinking. By the way, the good thing is that your mother-in-law and father-in-law are with you. In such a situation, you can talk to your mother-in-law and father-in-law about this. Also ask your husband what he likes, I should cook food in that way.
If that still doesn’t work, ask them to cook for a few days. Ask them to teach you how to cook. It is possible that things will change after this. Maybe they will realize their mistake. It is true that many people associate cooking with women’s identity, but the reality is that no work should be associated with gender.
Question 5- I earn around 50 thousand rupees every month. I think a middle class family can afford the expenses of 3-4 people with this much income. But my wife and my father feel that this is not enough. Because of this I have to face taunts. What should I do?
You are right that 50 thousand rupees are enough for a small family to meet its expenses. Many people earn even less than this and are happy with it. Many people earn more than this, but are still unhappy because their expenses are high. If your family’s expenses are also high, then it is possible that this income will seem less. If someone in the family feels that this income is less, then he should also try to earn money himself. As far as taunting is concerned, this should never happen. Sometimes jokes can be made, but the words should not be such that they hurt someone’s heart. A person who works hard every day and earns money. It is not right to taunt him. Yes, one should definitely think about the progress of the family.
Question 6- I suspect that my husband might be having an affair with someone. Whenever I ask him about this, he laughs it off. How do I find out?
If there is a specific reason to doubt, there is evidence like if there is a big change in his nature or in the way he cares for you, he gets angry at you more than before, he stays away from you or wants to stay away, he finds excuses for not coming home. Any of these should be a big basis for doubting your husband or for a husband to doubt his wife.
Many times we overthink, keep thinking only negatively and start harboring doubts. It is possible that this is just your misconception, because in most such cases it is just a misconception. It is also possible that he feels that you are doubting him for no reason. Maybe that is why he laughs it off. Sometimes things are going well, but we spoil things by sowing doubts in relationships. For now, you should trust him.