A few days ago Emily Ratajkowski said on TikTok that finding decent men to date has become an impossible feat. Obviously, many people didn’t take it well and the video was promptly removed, but by then the damage was done and the message was loud and clear. Dating fatigue has reached the point that girls seem to prefer voluntary celibacy to dating apps (see Julia Fox), so it’s clear that something is wrong. But, if guys on dates are a disappointment, many are convinced that the solution is therapy, the green flag par excellence against toxic masculinity.
According to a survey by dating app Pure, 92% of respondents prefer to date people who have been or are in therapy. The same goes for a Hinge survey: 97% of users prefer to date someone who takes care of their mental well-being. This is especially true for girls, so much so that some now even write it in their Tinder bio among the requirements of the ideal partner: he must be in therapy or at least have been there. However, this is taking questionable turns.
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It is true, therapy is also useful in relationships: it helps improve dialogue with your partner and develops awareness of yourself and your problems, which is the first step towards a healthy relationship. In dating, however, at times it seems to have become a trend: “Straight women have unlocked the secrets of what we consider green flags and men have been smart enough to build a personality based on them,” someone wrote on Twitter some time ago. In fact, on social media, people talk about “therapy baiting” or of therapy used as bait for women. “If she wrote in her bio that she’s going to therapy, run away,” comments a girl on TikTok, and in fact, usually, those who actually go to therapy tend not to talk about it lightly.
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According to research by Hinge, Only 9% of people in therapy feel comfortable enough to talk about it during a date. Not that it’s a good thing: as awful as it may be to find yourself on a date with one of those straight males (yes, they’re usually male and they’re straight) who have made going to therapy their only distinguishing feature, Finding ways to talk about your experience with mental health can help. Of course, the right way to introduce the topic is important: “It can be as simple as mentioning something you recently discussed in a session,” sex therapist and psychotherapist Todd Baratz tells Cosmopolitan USA. You can refer to a session or topic you recently discussed with your therapist and wait for the other person to ask you questions. It doesn’t have to be a big revelation or even the main topic of conversation, but therapy can be an important part of a person’s life, so at some point in getting to know each other, it’s normal for the topic to come up. “Vulnerability can be a source of connection,” adds Logan Ury, director of Relational Science at Hinge. “If you can show the little cracks in your shell that are often difficult to share, things will paradoxically be easier.”
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Regardless of who uses it as an approach tactic, Fortunately, today therapy is no longer a taboo and it’s increasingly common to talk about it openly among friends or acquaintances. “Taking care of your mental health (and talking about it!) has gone from being something strange to a must,” adds Ury, “But how you share your priorities in self-care with a potential partner It depends entirely on you and what makes you feel comfortable.. It’s a part of you, but not something that defines you.”
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