〈215〉 A child who was called ‘gifted’
A mother came to visit.The child was very smart when he was young, but when he entered elementary school, he sighed and said that classes were too much for him. I asked the mother what aspects of her child made her feel smart. Even though the child was not taught how to use a computer or smartphone, he was surprisingly good at using it. Even though I didn’t teach him Korean, he read signs quickly and spoke well enough to have conversations with adults. When he was 3 or 4 years old, he could read the alphabet and knew quite a few Chinese characters, so I thought he might be a gifted child.
![“I was smart when I was young… ” These words ruin the child.[오은영의 부모마음 아이마음]](https://dimg.donga.com/wps/NEWS/IMAGE/2024/12/15/130648500.1.jpg "“I was smart when I was young… ” These words ruin the child.[오은영의 부모마음 아이마음]")
Children who are distracted in early childhood are interested in specific areas and sometimes appear creative. I also hear that I am smart. However, when children join a group and begin systematic study, they end up not being smart because they do not participate well. Anxious and sensitive children do well when alone, but have trouble keeping up in groups. As they are anxious and sensitive, they may not be able to accept education in a stimulating environment. Among children with language delays, there are children who are good at using machines. These kids are better at things like puzzles and blocks than their age level. Parents may see their child’s extraordinary abilities and think he or she is a gifted child. Though, once you start living in a group, other development is slowed down due to language. I thought I was smart, but I end up not being smart.
I ask the parents who say, “I thought they were gifted, but they have become so ordinary.” “Would you like to become a gifted child?” Parents were a little embarrassed and said, “No, that’s not necessarily true…” ” he says, trailing off. There is something parents don’t know. Whether a child is gifted or not, the general guidelines for parenting are not that different.
If your child is ofen called ‘gifted’,he or she may be excellent in that area. Among people, there are people who are exceptionally good at sports
Regardless of whether the child is gifted or not, parents should pay more attention to making up for the child’s shortcomings.The child speaks very well,but his movements are very slow. There is no guarantee that you will become good at exercising, but you should focus on activities that move your body a lot. The child has excellent math skills, but his social skills are very poor. We need to think about how to supplement that part. You shouldn’t get too caught up in what your child is good at. If you continue to develop only that area, the development of other areas that are lacking will further decline. Time is finite for everyone. There are limits to distributing one’s energy. This is because if you spend too much time developing the areas you are good at, you will not have enough time to develop the areas you are weak at.
All areas of human function are important. They support each other. If it is indeed not developed in a balanced way, even if one part is excellent, the other parts will not be able to support it.This does not mean that the functions of other areas should be improved to excellence. The average should be allowed to rise. It is important to ensure that the child does not experience any inconvenience in life. This will help the child demonstrate his/her good abilities and live a solid life.
In fact, parents vaguely expect that if their child shows outstanding talent in a certain area, he or she will do well in studies. And I want to feel the joy I felt when I was told I was ‘remarkable’ or ‘smart’ again. However, in early childhood, parents often feel that their child is smart because of simple memorization, rapid language development, and rapid manipulation skills. There may be a difference between being smart and being good at studying in a group setting.
When parents sigh and say, “I heard my child was smart when he was young, but he’s not like that now,” what worries me is the child’s mind. Perhaps parents unconsciously say, “You were really smart when you were young…” “You must have said this a lot. That word probably has a negative vibe. From the child’s point of view, it feels like a mixture of scolding and it may sound like a dismissive, ‘You’re not that good right now.’ They may feel that their parents are disappointed in them. The child’s confidence naturally drops.
As I live my life, I think, ‘I’m a really good person. It’s very critically important to be able to think, ‘I’m a bit good at this, but my parents always believe in me.’ Parenting is the same whether the child is gifted or not. While I miss my smart child from before, I don’t want to look at my current child with sad eyes. In fact,the child who shone brightly is probably still shining even now. It’s just that parents are expecting something different and don’t see that sparkle.
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– How can parents support the emotional well-being of gifted children while nurturing their academic abilities?
Interview Between Time.news Editor adn Dr. Oh Eun-young, Pediatric Psychiatry Specialist
Time.news Editor (TNE): Welcome, Dr. Oh Eun-young. Thank you for joining us today. Your insights from the article about gifted children have sparked a lot of interest.Could you start by explaining what it means when a child is labeled as “gifted”?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: Thank you for having me. The term “gifted” often refers to children who display exceptional abilities in specific areas, whether it be intellectual, creative, or in the arts. However, it’s crucial to remember that giftedness is not a blanket label; it often depends on the environment and circumstances in which a child is placed.
TNE: That’s an engaging perspective. In your article, you mention a situation where a child seemed exceptionally bright but struggled in a standard classroom setting. Can you elaborate on why this happens?
dr. oh Eun-young: Certainly. Many children who are characterized as gifted may excel in isolated tasks, like using technology or solving puzzles, but can feel overwhelmed in structured learning environments. This can stem from their inherent anxiety and sensitivity. Group settings often require different skills—like social interaction and adaptability—that these children may find challenging.
TNE: So, would you say there’s a difference between being “smart” and being good at “studying” in a traditional sense?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: Exactly. Many parents mistakenly equate high levels of verbal or computational ability with academic success.However,a child’s ability to memorize or perform tasks individually doesn’t always translate to collaborative learning environments,which require a different set of skills.
TNE: That makes sense. You mentioned in the article that parents often feel that showing talent in one area predicts success in others, but that isn’t always the case.Why do you think this misconception persists?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: It’s a natural expectation for parents. Society often glorifies exceptional talent and intelligence,leading to the assumption that if a child excels in one aspect,they will naturally excel in all. The reality is, each skill area—be it academic, social, emotional, or physical—supports the others. If a child’s development is lopsided, it can lead to difficulties later in life.
TNE: In your experience, how should parents approach the development of their children’s abilities without overlooking other importent areas?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: Parents should aim for a balanced approach. It’s vital to recognize and cultivate a child’s strengths but not at the expense of their weaknesses. As a notable example, if a child is great at math but struggles socially, it’s critically important to create opportunities for social interaction while still nurturing their mathematical abilities.
TNE: That’s very insightful. You also mention that parents have certain expectations when they perceive their child as gifted. How can they manage these expectations realistically?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: Communication is key. Parents should discuss abilities openly with their children, emphasizing that while it’s fantastic to excel in certain areas, it’s equally important to be resilient and adaptable in life. Encouraging a growth mindset—where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn—can help set more realistic expectations.
TNE: What would you recommend to parents who might potentially be feeling disappointed if their child isn’t living up to the “gifted” label?
Dr. Oh Eun-young: First, I’d encourage them to reassess what “gifted” means. It’s essential to shift focus from labels to individual strengths and areas needing improvement. If a child isn’t meeting the high standards set by giftedness, it’s not a failure; it’s a call to support them in a more holistic way. Emphasize their unique journey rather than comparing them to others.
TNE: Thank you,Dr. Oh Eun-young, for sharing your expertise today. It sounds like supporting a child’s development in a balanced way is key to their overall success.
Dr. Oh Eun-young: Thank you for the thoughtful discussion. It’s vital that we guide our children with care, recognizing that every child has their own path to follow.
TNE: Absolutely. It’s been a pleasure speaking with you. I hope our readers take away valuable insights from this conversation.