“I was the only one who didn’t know?” What ‘Tminnam’, who can’t stand feeling left out, really needs[최고야의 심심(心深)토크]

2024-08-04 13:43:36

It deals with stories about the deep things in the heart. If you have any questions about life such as, “Why is it like this?” or “Why can’t my heart do what I want?”, please let me know by e-mail ([email protected]). Let’s think about it together.

‘Tminnam’ is a word that broadcaster Jeon Hyun-moo created to reveal his characteristic of being sensitive to trends. There are people who are particularly sensitive to trends, not only in trends but also in interpersonal relationships and financial management, for fear of being left out of the trend. MBC screen capture

Dubai chocolate, yogurt ice cream, Ashatsu (iced tea with an espresso shot), Crouki (croissant + cookie), fresh fruit highball… .

These are the foods that were popular on social network services (SNS) in the first half of this year. ‘Tminnam (men)’ and ‘Tminnyeo (women)’ who are sensitive to various trends in food, clothing, and drink, ‘open run’ (running to the store as soon as it opens) to buy them before they sell out, and even waited in line for hours. Trends come and go in the blink of an eye, but SNS is full of certification shots posted by people who are serious about following trends.

Not only trends, but also jealousy and comparison with others who are having fun without my knowledge are similar to the trend of T-min men and T-min women. They are both anxious about being left out. For example, imagine that at 10pm on a Friday, you are lying down on the soft living room sofa after taking a shower and then you open your SNS app and see a picture of your friends who are all gathered without you. The sofa that seemed like heaven a minute ago can suddenly feel like a deserted island. You may also get complicated by thoughts like, ‘What did I do wrong?’ and ‘Who hates me?’

Of course, no one enjoys being left out by others. However, there are some people who can’t stand things that happen ‘except for me’. They even obsessively check SNS to see what’s happening except for them. It’s too complicated to say that they just want to be an ‘insider’. People who feel satisfied only when they join in on what others are doing. Why on earth do they do that?

People lined up in front of a department store pop-up store selling ‘Dubai Chocolate’ on the 21st of last month. The chocolate product sold locally in Dubai became a popular food item that was hard to find after it was made known through social media. Reporter Shin Won-geon [email protected]

● A vague sense of anxiety about being left out

Living in fear of being left out is not a characteristic of modern people. Marcus Tullius Cicero, an ancient Roman politician and philosopher from 2,000 years ago, was also anxious about being left out of the mainstream. It is said that whenever Cicero was away from the capital for a while, he had his servants send him letters about everything from central political issues to scandals and gossip. He also had a team to deliver the news to him. It was like having a kind of human SNS.

In the digital age, this old fear has been given the name FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) syndrome. In Korean, it is called alienation anxiety syndrome or isolation fear syndrome. It refers to a vague sense of anxiety that one is alone and missing out on something important. It was first introduced in 2004 by Patrick McGinnis, an American entrepreneur and author of FOMO Sapiens, as a marketing term that exploits consumers’ impatience. Since then, research on interpersonal alienation and SNS addiction has been actively conducted in the field of psychology.

In Korea, the meaning of ‘FOMO syndrome’ has been transformed into a word meaning the fear of being excluded from opportunities to make money. Source: Wikipedia

What is interesting is that the term FOMO syndrome has been transformed in Korea to mean ‘an investment psychology that is afraid of being left behind by being the only one missing out on the rising market of real estate, stocks, and virtual currency.’ The core emotion of fearing being left out is the same, but the economic inferiority complex, like ‘sudden beggar’ (a new word used as the opposite of ‘sudden rich man’ or ‘sudden beggar’) is emphasized more.

Park Jong-seok, a visiting professor at the Department of Psychiatry at Yonsei Severance Hospital, who published the book ‘Please Save Me’, which deals with investment psychology such as FOMO syndrome, “The word ‘FOMO’ has been transformed in Korea to mean something more severe than its original meaning: anxiety, helplessness, and obsession.”as “It can also cause adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which makes people anxious and driven and makes it difficult to focus on one thing.”He pointed out.

● “Am I alone?” The brain declares an emergency

Although the aspects are slightly different, the reason why alienation anxiety appears in various areas including consumption, interpersonal relationships, and investment is because it is related to the basic human need to find stability by belonging to a group. American psychologist Abraham Maslow divided human needs into five stages. The first stage is the physiological needs of eating and sleeping, and the second stage is the safety need. When the minimum survival needs are met in stages 1 and 2, the third stage is the desire for a sense of belonging and affection. This is the social survival need that is important after physical survival. Being alienated from others can cause one to feel an intense sense of anxiety about being left behind in social survival.

Being marginalized means your social survival is at risk. Getty Images

In fact, the brain also perceives alienation as a signal of threat to survival. A study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) of the brain found that the brain region that responds to hot or cold physical pain is the same as the brain region that responds to alienation in interpersonal relationships. This means that the brain perceives physical pain and emotional pain as the same emergency situation.

So something interesting happens. Nathan DeWall, a professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky, found that when people are hurt emotionally in interpersonal relationships, taking acetaminophen-based painkillers like Tylenol, which act on the central nervous system, can help relieve their emotional pain.

People who feel particularly anxious about being left out have a brain region that is more sensitive than others in observing and empathizing with the state of others. According to a research team led by Carlo Rai, a professor of psychology at Sapienza University in Rome, Italy, when people suffering from anxiety about being left out looked at pictures of people hanging out with others, the middle temporal gyrus on the right side of the brain was particularly active. This region is involved in monitoring how others treat me. The research team explained, “Reacting sensitively to the state of others reflects a strong desire to belong there.”

● Dissatisfied with life… appear regardless of age

People with high anxiety about exclusion appear to be active social beings, following trends and going to many gatherings. However, they may have psychological deficiencies such as loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. They feel anxious when they can’t go to gatherings, and when they are alone, they can’t rest comfortably because they are worried about other people and check SNS.

● Do I have FOMO syndrome?
·I worry that my friends or acquaintances will have fun without me
·I worry that you spend too much time worrying about your surroundings.
·Continue checking SNS to see what your friends and acquaintances are doing even on holidays
·I feel anxious when I miss a scheduled meeting.
·I feel nervous when I can’t go to a sudden appointment.
·I feel anxious when I don’t hear from my friends or acquaintances.
·I’m afraid that other people will have a better experience than me.

Data: Part of the Alienation Anxiety Syndrome Scale

Andrew Przybylski, a professor of human behavior and technology at Oxford University in the UK, surveyed 2,079 people aged 22 to 65 to find out the characteristics of people who feel anxious about being left out. He measured their level of anxiety about being left out, as well as their satisfaction with life, their level of satisfaction with their interpersonal relationships and their own abilities, and their usual mood.

As a result, it was found that people who were dissatisfied with their overall life, interpersonal relationships, and self-ability experienced more alienation anxiety. People who felt frustrated, depressed, anxious, and lonely also had higher levels of alienation anxiety. In a similar study by the research team at the University of Houston’s Department of Psychology, people with low self-esteem and who pushed themselves to ‘do better’ had higher alienation anxiety. That is, when overall satisfaction with oneself and life is low, the desire to find stability by belonging to an external group is high.

Both studies also found that these characteristics lead to SNS addiction. They had a strong desire to connect with others, so they turned on SNS apps more while eating, driving, and before and after sleeping. They also had trouble sleeping because they used SNS a lot right before sleeping. This result further strengthens depression and anxiety.

What’s surprising is that this phenomenon doesn’t just happen to people in their teens and twenties who are sensitive to trends and use social media a lot. The University of Houston study recruited 419 participants aged 14–17, 24–27, 34–37, and 44–47, and the results were similar in all groups. This is because the tendency to fear being left out by people is not significantly related to age.

● Am I a person worthy of love?

The core issue of alienation anxiety may be questions such as, “Am I an important being?” or “Am I worthy of being loved?” In a situation where one is dissatisfied with one’s own abilities or existence and is dissatisfied with life, following trends and being obsessed with SNS will not solve the problem. How can we solve it?

The feeling that I am the only one left behind is likely to be exaggerated. In particular, social media often exaggerates wealth and happiness, which promotes anxiety about exclusion. Getty Images

First, you should know that the feeling that you are the only one who has fallen behind is often distorted compared to reality, so your anxiety is exaggerated. If you feel jealousy, alienation, and impatience by comparing yourself to others in interpersonal relationships, consumption, and investment, and think, “Why am I like this?”, you need to realize that you are suffering from alienation anxiety. Professor Park said, “Perhaps the entire Republic of Korea is falling into the trap of comparing itself to the top few percent and thinking it is ‘left behind’.”as “You should be able to feel satisfaction and self-efficacy by praising yourself for improving every day.”He advised.

Another clue can be found in the study at the University of Houston introduced earlier. The researchers found that the more people push themselves by saying, “I have to do better,” the higher their anxiety about alienation. In other words, Self-pity (self compassion) If you have a high level, you can be free from the anxiety of alienation.It means. Self-compassion is an attitude of not △blaming oneself for one’s shortcomings, △being kind to oneself, △overcoming failures by considering them as trials that anyone can experience, △trying to love oneself, and △trying to look at painful events with a balanced perspective rather than being swept away by emotions.

Another way is to keep your distance from people who aim to be ‘very popular’. In fact, when you see flashy photos on SNS showing off your ‘popularity’ by exaggerating your friendships, wealth, and happiness, dopamine is secreted in the reward circuit of the brain, causing pleasure, envy, and jealousy at the same time. This feeling can cause feelings of inferiority, anxiety, and even depression, so it should be taken as a serious signal. Professor Park said, “Blocking the SNS accounts of people who are being pretentious or leaving group chats can also help.”He said.

Reporter Choi Go-ya [email protected]

2024-08-04 13:43:36