Admittedly, I don’t drive, but in almost twelve years in Bombay, I have occupied a privileged observation post from my passenger seat.
A little, a lot, passionately you will honk
Honk your horn in a traffic jam (you’re making progress, yes?), honk your horn on the contrary in a miraculously empty street (yay, I’m driving!), honk your horn to signal your presence to the car in front (mirrors are for dummies) or to saying that we are going to turn (left, right, oh no, damn it, it was finally left!) and still honk your horn for a thousand other reasons… That’s the basics of driving in India.
On the back of the trucks, you can still often read “Horn OK please”, which could be translated as “Klaxonnez OK s’il vous plait”, a phrase whose grammatical correctness leaves something to be desired in English as much as in French, but which encourages vigorous pressing of the horn. Although campaigns have been encouraging people to reduce noise pollution for the past few years, their effectiveness remains limited for the moment.
Slowly you will ride… except on the Sealink
In our town of 20 million inhabitants, on roads full of ruts despite constant works, the atmosphere is more Paris-Dakar than the Monaco Grand Prix. And if sometimes you want to drive fast in the middle of the night, the speed bumps installed everywhere are there to hold you back. Preferably very steep and without markings on the ground, for the surprise effect.
Frustrated drivers sometimes fall back on the freeway at night. But in the day, salvation lies on the Sealink, this magnificent bridge over the sea which connects the north and the south of Bombay and which is a bit like our own Brooklyn Bridge, without a pedestrian crossing, however. The speed is theoretically limited to 80 km/h, but, for many, a moment of freedom is well worth a fine.
The law of the strongest you will obey
Is there a priority system in India at an intersection? Yes. In general, the first entrant has the right to pass. A moment of doubt? In this case, the law of the strongest applies. The roaring 4×4 of a businesswoman, the big gleaming sedan of a doctor or, the height of power, an official car of the Maharashtra government… Let it pass! There is no reason for inequalities to stop at vehicle doors, so on the road too, the hierarchical structure of Indian society is fully expressed.
Your license plate you will personalize
In India, numerology is even present on license plates. Certain combinations of numbers are thus considered symbols, either because they bring luck to their owner, or because they have a sacred meaning, such as the number 786 for Muslims in Asia. This refers to a Quranic formula “Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Rahim” (“In the name of God, the Clement, the Merciful”), of which it constitutes a form of numerical abbreviation. You will often see it on the road.
The repetition of digits is the other great classic: 9999 or 5050, for example. Question of superstition of course, but the second challenge consists in asserting by this indirect means its economic or political superiority. Indeed, to afford these personalized license plates, it will be necessary to pay dearly or to use influence with the authorities – or both.
Ton mask anti-Covid tu garderas
Small point Covid. In Bombay, everyone must (theoretically) wear a mask outdoors as in public places since the start of the pandemic in 2020. But above all, the mask remained compulsory in the car until January 18, when the Omicron wave gradually receded. Before this date (and after the next variant), no way to cut it, even alone at the wheel or for a family trip. The Mumbai Traffic Police verbalize 200 rupees per person (a little less than 3 euros) in the event of non-compliance with the instructions.
The seat belt in the back you will forget
If the seat belt is an obligation at the front of the vehicle, at the rear, nothing imposes it. And in many private cars such as taxis, the seat belts remain stuck under the back seat, since no one uses them. And when I look for them by reflex or concern for security, I am told: “No, you know, here, we don’t need it. It’s not like in Europe.” Well then.
A God in your car you will pray
If the Indians can abstain from buckling their seatbelts, it is because their car is protected by a deity, whose effigy is generally attached to the dashboard or suspended from the rear view mirror (which is useless, you remember?). A plump Ganesh, a photo of Sai Baba (a Hindu guru), a Jesus on the cross or a calligraphic verse from the Koran – automobiles are always placed under holy security.
In addition, motorists never hesitate to cross themselves when crossing a sacred place, even while driving. There are even, on many Indian roads, tiny temples and chapels where you can deposit an obol in drive-in mode. A way to ensure additional divine protection for the following kilometers.
Otherwise… the taxi you will take!
If you don’t feel ready to drive in India, you are left with Mumbai’s 100,000 taxis and 460,000 rickshaws. I don’t hide from you that they represent the main source of inspiration for this post, because I spent hours there, public transport not yet being sufficiently developed in the city. From the most seasoned drivers to newbies freshly arrived from their village, from comfortable VTC drivers to kaali peeli, these more or less dented black and yellow taxis without air conditioning, they taught me everything about the art of Indian driving! In fact, if it is, I will soon be ready to pass my license.