2023-05-09 10:15:31
Cyclists do everything right. You will be rewarded by fate. A study has shown that. The satirical column by Anselm Neft.
A cyclist and a pedestrian are talking.Marius Schwarz/imago
This is the new installment of Anselm Neft’s humorous column Spot the Error.
People who mainly get around by bicycle are more often than average morally upright. This is the result of a year-long study by the ADFC (Allgemeiner Deutscher Fahrradklub) in cooperation with the VDZ (German Bicycle Trade Association) and the Adel auf dem Radel eV
The study was carried out in all German federal states over a period of ten years and was based on surveys of cyclists, pedestrians, car and motorcyclists. Using a comprehensive questionnaire created at the ZI (Central Institute for Mental Health Mannheim), people were able to use multiple choice to make assessments of themselves and other road users. Over 22,000 questionnaires were filled out and evaluated by psychologists.
Maren Kaschner
To the author
The results of the study are clear
It turned out that cyclists are not only happier and healthier, but also take better care of their offspring, donate more and do more to protect the environment. On top of that, the footprint of cyclists is on average significantly smaller than that of other road users (maximum shoe size 43).
The study showed that cyclists are four times more likely to gender publicly, three times more likely to separate their rubbish correctly, and more than twice as likely to be canonized by the Pope as people who primarily get around differently. In fact, cyclists also have better sex, which the clients of the study explain by saying that these road users are particularly empathetic, considerate and outgoing.
Special rights for cyclists
At least cyclists made these statements about themselves. 78 percent of this group of study participants also agreed that cyclists have special rights and that they are largely exempt from the road traffic regulations. Even small cyclists should be taught to ride on sidewalks and to ring the bell of annoying passers-by in order to be able to assert themselves in life.
Right before left also has no effect if a cyclist a) is on the phone on the phone, b) is eating or drinking, c) is talking to another cyclist who is cycling next to him, d) is wearing a bicycle helmet or e) is not wearing a bicycle helmet. At least 66 percent of the two-wheeler users surveyed stated that they considered traffic lights to be non-binding recommendations, but that pedestrians and drivers absolutely have to comply with the legal regulations with regard to light signals.
Cyclists see themselves as victims
As better people who just got it, cyclists often see themselves as victims of an ignorant environment. From the point of view of two-wheeler users, many of the other road users have simply not yet understood the spirit of the times and are blocking the streets with their pollutant vehicles or standing in the way as pedestrians belching methane gas on the sidewalks.
It is also typical that inattentive motorists do not swerve in time when you, as a life-affirming anarcho-cyclist, are drunk and happily riding your bike through the city at night without lights. From the point of view of many cyclists, only verbal or physical violence often remains to make themselves heard among the ignorant.
Inconspicuous users of public transport
Respondents who rarely or never use their bikes in city traffic see things differently. They often see themselves as endangered by “reckless power cyclists” and are “glad when they have reached the subway or tram safely”.
According to the study, users of public transport are considered to be morally inconspicuous and do not have as nice hair and sex as the two-wheeler users. They are also often armed with knives and thus gamble away their moral superiority.
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