“I felt lonely after my psychoses,” says Japke. Just after she gave birth, she searched the internet for experience stories. She wanted to know if there were any other women who had experienced this and how they dealt with it.
She didn’t know who to call to discuss her insecurities or roughly how long it would take for her to fully trust herself again. “I couldn’t find anything, not even where I could go with my questions. During your pregnancy and childbirth you will be completely examined physically, but not in the case of sudden gloom, depression or psychosis.”
Social media often shares the most beautiful photos and stories of pregnant bellies and beautiful babies. From cuddling, breastfeeding that starts without any problems, lying comfortably in bed and being pampered. This sounds like the pink cloud that women in labor are pursuing.
But the reality is often different.
Sleep deprivation, maternity tears, cracked nipples, getting used to a different body. Being sad, or even ending up in a depression or psychosis. Not everyone is overwhelmed with happiness after childbirth.
Honest, real stories
The makers of ‘jump bible’ Oh, I’m Growing! (the book many new parents read about the mental development of a baby) wanted to tell the honest, real stories of mothers about pregnancy, childbirth and life with a baby. Twenty famous women share their stories in the book ‘Honest’.
One of them is influencer Japke Janneke. Her son Len turns one this Saturday. She’s still not quite the same person she was before the pregnancy. “Last year I gave birth on a Friday around 1 pm. It was a fast delivery. I was induced at 39 weeks because I was having a very hard time mentally, I really didn’t want to be pregnant anymore.”
Japke looks back positively on the birth. Five hours later they were allowed to go home. She stared at Len all night, the next day the maternity assistant and her parents came. “It was actually a relaxed Saturday. I was wearing my regular clothes and quite active, sitting on the couch and offering my parents coffee.”
Breastfeeding failed at the end of the day. The maternity care and her parents had left. Her friend Kai was cooking. “Thoughts went through my head like a whirlwind. Breastfeeding, cooking, how the day had been. It happened so fast that I lost control. I couldn’t keep up with my own brain and was very aware of it.”
“Something crazy is happening in my head”
Thoughts were still running through her mind as she ate. Japke told her boyfriend that things weren’t going well, that something crazy was happening and it scared her. “He said I looked weird, but didn’t know what to do.”
Kai called the maternity nurse, who didn’t know either. The midwife advised to go back to the hospital. “I knew it was wrong and already saw myself behind closed doors with Kai and Len out of my reach. That really scared me.”
What is Postpartum Psychosis?
Postpartum psychosis is also known as postpartum psychosis. It affects 1 in 1000 women and is therefore rare. If it happens, it is often in the first week, or in the first four weeks after delivery. In postpartum psychosis, a woman suffers from delusions and has lost contact with reality. Because the course is unpredictable, professional help should be called in.
Source: Mind Correlation
In the hospital she reported to the maternity ward and was allowed to lie on a bed. She was eventually sent home on sleep medication. That helped. Japke got through Sunday reasonably well, but on Monday Len had to go to the hospital because he saw too yellow. It happened again in the hospital.
This time it was worse. “I felt worse, had crazy thoughts and said weird things. I didn’t know how a door worked and suddenly became very suspicious. I accused Kai of flirting with a nurse.”
spreading gibberish
A psychiatrist was called, who recognized the psychosis and prescribed antipsychotics. “I absolutely did not want to take it, I thought everyone wanted to poison me and I spoke gibberish at the woman who handed over the medicines.”
In the end Japke took the medicines and she recovered. After two weeks the medication was reduced, but she found that exciting. “Post-partum psychosis is the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. I definitely didn’t want it to happen again.”
She had lost confidence in herself and was almost afraid to talk about it at first. Now that she looks back on that period, she is also thinking about mental aftercare. “He was almost not there. The obstetrician handed me over to the GP, who called a few times and that was very nice, but after that I had to deal with it myself. I just didn’t know how.”
“Just before delivery, you will receive extensive guidance. You will be told what to do if your waters break and who to call if you have contractions. But who do you call if your head is not doing well? It was a breeze for my body , but in my head I thought it was very spicy during pregnancy.”
“Oh god here we go again”
With the help of a psychologist it is now much better. But there are also triggers, such as photos from after childbirth and the dark autumnal days like a year ago. “I still have the fear that it will happen again. If I don’t get my words right or I can’t remember something right away, I think: oh god, here we go again.”
By now Japke knows that you are not crazy or weird if this happens to you. It can happen to anyone. That’s why she shared her story on her blog and Instagram. To make women aware of mental vulnerability during pregnancy. “By sharing more about it, I hope to support other women who recognize it. I myself had a great need for stories from others and therefore like to share my story.”
Post-partum specialist Tilda Klumpenaar also knows that not every woman is overflowing with happiness after giving birth. She guides mothers who are struggling during and after their pregnancy. She also knows from her own experience what it is like to have post-partum depression, it happened to her after the birth of her daughter.
“Many women who suffer from mental problems during or after childbirth feel lonely,” says Klumpenaar. “From the moment of delivery it is busy: midwives, maternity assistants, everyone checks and checks your body and your baby. After a week everyone is gone and you have to do it alone. But then the hard work really starts.”
Mental struggle
“If your midwife or maternity nurse has not noticed your mental struggle, you should look carefully for the right help,” continues Klumpenaar. The standard route is through the GP or through a meeting with the practice nurse of the GP. “But often these aren’t specialists in the postpartum field.”
Another possibility is a doll expertise center, a multidisciplinary team of specialists in a hospital then enters into discussions with (pregnant) women and helps them with psychiatric problems. “But many mothers find this step too intense. They just feel sad or lonely for a long time and don’t know what to do with this feeling.”
Cards, hugs and good intentions
It’s hard to share that you’re actually not very happy while friends and family shower you with cards, hugs and good intentions. “Still, I would advise discussing your gloomy feeling with someone you trust.”
According to Klumpenaar, it would help if there was more accessible help on a mental level during and after a pregnancy. Because early detection and timely help can prevent long-term problems. “That is desperately needed. Unfortunately, mental frailty is still a taboo for young mothers.”