Sinead Corcoran Dye’s new memoir, It Nearly Killed Me But I Love You, unflinchingly details her battle with depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPDR) following the birth of her daughter, Vivie.
New motherhood is a subject that inspires many writers, with authors like Rachel Cusk, Anne Lamott, and Meaghan O’Connell having previously explored this important life stage. Corcoran Dye’s debut book ventures into similar territory, though it shares more common ground with Australian psychologist Ariane Beeston’s Because I’m Not Myself, You See.
Soon after Vivie’s birth, Corcoran Dye was admitted to what she humorously calls the “clinky linky.” This facility, better known as Starship Hospital‘s specialized Mother and Baby Unit, is a ward designed for mothers experiencing critical cases of postnatal depression in the northern regions, boasting only three beds.
A Raw and honest Account
The book offers a raw and unflinching look at corcoran Dye’s experiences. It delves into her diagnosis with depersonalization/derealization disorder (DPDR), the profound grief from losing her mother at age 22, her marriage to an older man who was her former boss, and their fertility struggles, compounded by severe morning sickness throughout her pregnancy.
The initial section of the memoir primarily focuses on Corcoran Dye’s pregnancy and subsequent hospitalization. The narrative draws parallels to storylines found in the TV show Girls. One character in the show also partners with an older man with existing children, faces difficulties conceiving, endures nine months of intense sickness, and experiences a difficult birth, including an embarrassing moment in the hospital bathroom.
Corcoran Dye herself acknowledges thes parallels. She explains that during her most challenging moments, she felt compelled to inject humor to lighten the mood, aiming to make her narrative “fun and funny.”
A crucial point about mental healthcare in New Zealand: the pressing need for improved support for new parents.While individuals without prior mental health issues can also experience postnatal depression, a history of such conditions significantly increases the likelihood. the memoir questions the medical oversight for Sinead when she ceased her medications.
Did you know? statistics suggest a third of mothers find childbirth psychologically traumatic, impacting about 50 mothers daily in New Zealand.
The book’s stark honesty is expected to resonate deeply with new mothers. The detailed descriptions of Corcoran Dye’s feelings post-Vivie’s birth may also serve as an eye-opener for fathers, some of whom might underestimate their partners’ struggles, believing they simply “need to snap out of it.” While some candid moments are used for comedic effect, such as Corcoran Dye’s admission of giving her husband a fashion makeover on their second date due to his unappealing attire, other accounts are genuinely alarming.
One such alarming admission involves her anxiety medication,which she states she dropped on the floor three times,with her infant daughter ingesting it each time. It remains unclear whether this event is a stark reality or another instance of the author employing humor as a coping mechanism to make her narrative “fun and funny.”
A chapter titled “My Fantastic Wife is Cursed,” written by her husband, Stuart Dye, offers a less humorous viewpoint. His inclusion is likely intended to underscore the severity of their experience and to counter any suggestion that corcoran Dye might be exaggerating for narrative effect, similar to authors like James Frey or Cheryl Strayed in Wild. It is indeed within this chapter that Corcoran Dye’s predominantly lighthearted tone shifts, revealing a line that poignantly summarizes their ordeal: “it was cold and desperately, desperately sad.”
It Nearly Killed Me But I Love You by Sinead Corcoran Dye (Moa Press, $39.99) is available now.
