Liona Sloendregt (33) has a tumor of no less than sixteen centimeters in her chest. There is a chance that this tumor will turn into a malignant tumor with a risk of metastasis. To prevent this, she has to undergo a mastectomy. Liona: “I had to go through a storm, but God gave me supernatural rest.”
“I have been under control since 2012 because I have some cysts and benign growths in my right breast. Fortunately, nothing serious was ever wrong, but just to be sure, I was examined regularly. In 2018 I became pregnant and I also felt a lump in my other breast. I thought there was something bigger going on, but I was pregnant and your body changes naturally, so I didn’t do much with it at the time.”
The tumor was now nine centimeters wide
Liona gives birth to a healthy son, but notices that the lump in her breast is getting bigger and bigger. “I was sent to the hospital, where biopsies and punctures were performed. It was found to be a benign tumor called a fibroadenoma. I didn’t have to do anything with it, but the tumor grew really big. At the end of 2020, he was already nine centimeters tall. I didn’t worry for a moment; if it’s benign, it’s no big deal.”
miscarriages
Liona is also told again and again that nothing serious is going on. However, not everything seems to be in order. “At the beginning of 2021 I became pregnant for the second time and the tumor grew even more. I ended up having a miscarriage. It cannot be said whether this was due to the tumor.”
I was told it might be cancer after all
A few months later, Liona becomes pregnant again. “My husband and I were very happy, but my chest kept growing and I thought: this is not right. In the hospital, the doctors were shocked because it had grown so quickly. A few days later I got a call: it wasn’t a fibroadenoma after all, but a phyllodes tumor: a very rare tumor that was somewhere between benign and malignant. That’s why I was transferred to another hospital. Here I was told that they were afraid it might be cancer after all and it would have spread.”
In the same period, Liona has a miscarriage for the second time. “That was very intense, because I thought the pregnancy was going well and it was a bright spot in the storm. With the first miscarriage, I had the feeling from the start that things weren’t right. This time I didn’t see it coming. In retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t have to make the choice: do you have yourself operated on with all the consequences for your child or do you leave a high-risk tumor in place?”
mastectomy
Liona needs surgery to remove the tumor in her breast. “Initially it was a breast-conserving operation, but during the last examination the tumor was already sixteen centimeters in size. “Do you mind if I take your breast off?” was asked of me. That was a slap in the face. I imagined myself halfway through the year with a pregnant belly and two breasts. Later it turned out that I would no longer be pregnant and would have one breast less. That was a bizarre development. Yet I immediately experienced a peace and I agreed.”
No internal prosthesis
“The doctor said: ‘We can’t place an internal prosthesis right away, but later we will make something beautiful out of it.’ I thought: will I soon, with one breast, no longer be beautiful? You’ve been hearing a lot about leaking prosthetics lately and what diseases it can cause. Besides, it doesn’t feel good to put something fake in my body. Even though a prosthesis can be molded with its own body fat, it will never be a breast as God made it.”
Am I no longer beautiful with one breast?
Liona has never doubted her choice not to have an internal prosthesis made. She does struggle with the ideal image imposed on women in today’s society. “I was given a bra with an external prosthesis immediately after the operation. Does everyone expect me to put it on right away? You have to have two equal breasts or else it won’t be ‘right’. That’s a struggle for me. If I have a daughter to whom I say: ‘You are beautiful the way you are’, while I have had a breast made, I think that is not right. I want to be authentic.”
Still, Liona wears a bra with an external prosthesis and it looks like she has two breasts. “In the beginning that certainly felt strange and I still struggle with it, because I now feel like I’m contributing to the social ideal. I would prefer to wear special asymmetrical clothes and a bra made for one breast. In every clothing store or lingerie store I am confronted with the fact that this does not exist and therefore I do not meet the ideal picture. So if someone has an address, haha!”
Trust in God
Despite this struggle, Liona experiences tremendous calm throughout the process. “My husband and I kept our focus on God and laid everything before Him in prayer. I had full confidence and assurance that He was carrying me. Other people thought I was in a black hole and I received a lot of sweet cards and support. Super sweet of course, but I wasn’t in a black hole at all. I accepted the situation as it was. With my focus on God, it was as if I was floating above the situation all the time with a supernatural calm.”
“People regularly told me that the blow would still come and I thought so myself, for example when my husband and I saw the scar for the first time. But at that moment we both thought: oh okay, then this is it. We can live with that just fine. Now, fifteen months after the mastectomy, I still haven’t had that blow,” says Liona.
I feel more feminine than ever
“I’m aware that’s not the case for everyone and I don’t want people to think I’m easy to take on. I want to encourage people with my story and show them it doesn’t necessarily have to be a black hole. Of course it can be tough and you experience storms, even as a Christian. Fortunately, God is with you and if you are focused on that, I hope and pray that everyone may experience that same peace. In addition, I feel blessed that I am now healthy and heavily pregnant,” says Liona beaming. “I feel more feminine than ever.”
Pink Ribbon draws attention to all people affected by breast cancer. This month is breast cancer month with the theme of self-love. Knowing more? Take a look at the Pink Ribbon website. (link: https://www.pinkribbon.nl/)